A New Spin on Old Resolutions

It’s a new year! New years call for resolutions, but what IS a resolution and how do you set them? How do you announce them? The preferred method, of course, is to hastily write an article for a website about it because you needed to set a resolution about writing content in advance yesterday, but yesterday’s gone and dead! We have to start now! NOW!

It is important to select realistic resolutions so that you don’t feel like a loser by mid-January. So often, we resolve to achieve goals that just aren’t attainable, once our character flaws come into play (and they always do). Understand your faults, and then, rather than actively try to change yourself, just change your attitude about what it is you want out of your new life this year. I think what I want is to strengthen my ability to outsource. I shall treat my life like a successful corporation. I will get so much done via other people! The dream comes true.

resolutions 2016

 

Write Articles Far in Advance for the Sneer Campaign

In other words, this year I will work on getting Dollissa to write my articles for me. She and I already have similar writing styles, so this shouldn’t be too far-fetched. However, I am aware that she will need to be frequently prompted to hurry up and meet my deadlines. And I won’t have her producing shoddy content just to passive-aggressively get back at me. Quality must not suffer!

 

Similarly, All Illustrations Should Be Finished at Least the Day Before an Update

I will make an effort to find an artist similar to me but not better than me to take over these tasks. Many young people of today are willing to intern for free, completing tedious and unrewarding tasks and fearing to complain about it because they can always be replaced and they need the experience! I am sure there is an artist or maybe even two out there who would enjoy to have an apprenticeship with me. Please send your portfolios to the Sneer Campaign, email provided in the Look At Us page.

 

Sneer Headquarters

Doing all of this work would be so much easier if Dollissa and I had a shared office covered in charts, calendars, and corkboard so that we could pin up our ideas and schedules. Also, doing actual paid artwork would be a lot easier if I had space for a studio! How can I make this happen? More pressure on poor Dollissa, who would be actually helping HERSELF if she would just buy a house. I think all I need to do is make more real estate spreadsheets and maybe cry a little. Stay tuned.

sneer hq

 

Eat Better

I’d say “lose weight” but everyone knows that eating healthily and doing sensible exercise is really all you need to do to be FIT. Unfortunately, I only eat the food other people buy, so to achieve this resolution, I must pressure other people to only buy healthy groceries. I will make the lists, and create the menus of the week. I might even cook sometimes, I guess. Sometimes cooking is fun.

 

Give to Charities

What I mean by this is that I want to encourage people to donate their money to charities in my name. I am not yet financially secure enough to give away my pennies, so I figure influencing others to give to the organizations of my choosing still gives that place the money they always desperately need, which is all that matters. I’d also like to be given recognition for my kind act, which is why I want the donation made under my own name.

 

Make More Money

If I had money, of course, I wouldn’t need to rely on friends to help those in need. I could just do it myself! I will pressure friends and acquaintances to convince strangers to give me a lot of money, either because they think I deserve it, or MAYBE in exchange for art work (in order for me to have a legacy – I always wanted to have a legacy).

 

Start a Band

Every kid wishes to be a rock star of some sort, one who becomes reasonably famous. Unfortunately, I have no musical talent. This is why at least one of my band mates will have the talent. I am meant to be the mastermind, the personality of the group! The rest of them can actually make the things I decide are worth listening to. This is the way to real success!

resolutions 2016

 

Coffee

More and more and more coffee because feeling like a caffeinated glass monkey shattered against a wall is the only thing that keeps me happy anymore! It is true today and it is only going to get truer as each hour passes!

2016 is going to be just fine.

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