Do you want to know the future? I sure do. If you could tell the future perfectly, life would be pretty great; the obvious example being picking lottery numbers. I mean, sure, money corrupts, but how much fun is being uncorrupt? I’ve tried it. It’s not fun at all.

Other things that divination is good for:

  • finding the “right one” for you
  • avoiding disasters
  • coming to grips with the sudden death of loved ones
  • determining whether to get out of bed in the morning
  • determining whether you should worry about that mole on your butt

Divination: good for Everything

 

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not millennials

Millennials have long had the reputation of killers. At the time of this writing, millennials have already killed Bar Soap, Cable Television, Print Media, The 9-5 Workday, Mass-Produced Beer, Hollywood, and Pleasant Journalism. And who cares, right? As long as there’s a decent alternative, we should be okay with moving on and getting with the times.

Wrong. Millennials are out to destroy our souls. Like every God-fearing Christian, I watch for new signs of the apocalypse every day. Here are five reasons why millennials are the harbingers of the End of Times:

 

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