As someone who now has belonged to subscription services for: nail polish, condiments, wine, fresh ingredients for meals, and snacks, I thought maybe I had subscribed to some pretty ridiculous ones. I figured that pretty much anything can be one of these services now, so I have created some ideas that should come true.
These subscriptions in general are addictive! Watch out: one of the above things listed is one I only signed up for while researching for this post.
It would be like a local shelter will bring you a kitten to try for a month to see if you want to adopt it. This of course would be local delivery only, to pre-approved friends of animals (you’d have to register in person). It would be great I think for people who are serious about rescuing a cat from a shelter, and either want to make sure they absolutely adore it, or maybe make sure it gets along with other pets.
This service comes with everything you need to raise a new furry friend, except the litter and litter box, which can be kept for subsequent kittens of course.
Cost: $125/month for fixed, vaccinated kitten, a collar with tag, toy, and a month supply of food.
Join now and get a FREE litter box with your first delivery!
Pillows suck, right? They’re so perfect and fluffy and thick and bright and new when you first get them! Cut to whatever amount of time later and they’re a puddle of clumpy stuffing inside an off-white rag and you can’t remember if it was ever comfortable in the first place.
This service provides you with one or two new pillows every month! Don’t worry about how fast they deteriorate any more. Just toss them whenever they get gross, flat, or redundant and you’ll still always have comfortable fresh ones around. Or use the old ones for your cats/chairs/guests/etc. and be a recycling hero.
Cost: $15/month for one hypoallergenic pillow (or $25/month for two) including delivery
Add-ons: pay $12 more on any delivery for two pillowcases
Join now and get two FREE matching pillowcases with your first shipment! Soft, simple design, machine washable, and hypoallergenic.
Arts & Crafts (Hoarder Edition)
There are a lot of arts and crafts subscriptions (mostly for children), but this one focuses on the hoarder in all of us, or possibly just me. You’ll get a monthly box of everything you’ll need to do a craft project using something you definitely have at home! Want to stop saving those unpaired socks, old shirts, empty toilet paper rolls, paper scraps, cereal boxes, teabag wrappers, and temporary tattoos for no good reason? Sign up and we’ll make that hoarding worthwhile.
Example: Sock puppet box (socks not included): 6-8 sock puppet sets, including yarn, buttons, felt, fabric
Most boxes can accommodate your friends coming over and having a fun craft night with you. The number of sets for each project will be listed in your account prior to shipping, and will range from 3 to 10 people’s worth.
Cost: $12/month including shipping cost for all necessary materials
Add-ons: pay $10 more on any delivery for double the materials (Craft Party Version)
Join now and get a FREE craft kit with everything you’ll need for future projects, such as glue, scissors, sewing kit, tape, some extra fabric, and more!
Do you have as much trouble deciding which crazy nonsense to learn about and follow when there are so many to choose from as I do? Every month we’ll send you a kit to learn everything you need to know about some mystical, occult, homeopathic, natural, or hippie weirdo gibberish.
For your first box, you can choose between the following to get you started: The Astrological Box (create your natal chart), The Balance Box (consult the I Ching), or The Wicca Box (young adult version). From then, we’ll choose boxes based on your feedback and preferences.
Cost: $35/month for instructions, history, materials, and stories related to the theme
Add-ons: pay $15 more on any delivery for a personal guide written by your Mystic Moderator
Join now and get a FREE healing crystal to jumpstart your mystic journey!
Join the Sneer Society by signing up for this monthly box of Sneer Campaign fan club goodies. Not only will we send SC fan stuff like buttons, high-quality paper doll sets, stationery for celebrity fan mail, and a monthly pack of Sneer Campaign Collector Cards, but we’ll also send you a monthly list of recommendations for movies, tv shows, reading, and gin recipes. The box will also be filled with some of our favorite things, like stuffed animals, wigs, tights, bee-themed accessories, cat toys, and more!
All you need is the gin and a little moxie, darling.
Cost: $50/month including shipping
Add-ons: pay $20 more on any delivery for a custom drawing
Join now and get a FREE signed Sneer Campaign fan club membership certificate with your name on it!
So the ones that I made up certainly are not as ridiculous as some of the real ones out there: nerd-specific toys, artisan spice blends, phone case of the month, or even a monthly delivery of everything you need for a sexual fantasy in a box. Pretty soon everything will be available via monthly subscription, and boy am I ready for that life.