Unnecessary preface: 3rd Rock From the Sun is available for streaming on Netflix, since June 2015. Since then I have watched it 5 times all the way through. You can too!
Dearest Harry Solomon,
How do I start? Perhaps at the beginning…
When 3rd Rock from the Sun starts, you are a mystery. Although your fascination in the first few minutes with Mrs. Dubcek’s angora sweater may hint at your future sense of fashion throughout the show, there isn’t much more we learn from you. In fact, your place in the mission isn’t divulged yet, framing you as an idiot who tagged along to Earth.
But the show progresses and we see the real you. You blossom. You blossom into the Harry that I cannot stop thinking about.
Harry, your addiction to television is so real and pure that I have said exact things that you did on the show, not knowing. The way you watch those late 90’s shows and soak them in is quite a feat, especially for a television character. Although I’ve never had such a strange daydream about Martha Stewart while ill, I’d say about 85% of my thoughts are occupied by the plots, characters, and settings of the television shows I’ve seen. (About 10% is television shows that are made up and only in my head.) When you go into the alternate universe and know so much about TV that you become the chief executive of NBC, well let’s just say it’s too perfect.
Harry, your style rocks my world, and probably many others in the universe. Your collared shirt, vest, hooded fur coat combo is unrivaled. You are so fly. I won’t bother to describe your unique and glorious style with a bunch of useless adjectives. We’ll just watch you instead. Also, can we share clothes?
Harry, you are good-looking. What can I even say? When you date women so beautiful they’re portrayed by both Jan Hooks AND Chyna, it’s clear that your handsomeness is enchanting. Even with the squinting. Plus, the way you dance can put anyone in the mood.
Harry, you’ve worked so many strange and ordinary jobs. Ranging from bartending to performing in a traveling circus, from working in a department store selling perfume to working in a video store confusing everyone with your sorting schemes, we get to see you in all sorts of situations. Without fail, you throw yourself in headfirst and wide-eyed. Hell, you went to night school! Man, even I wouldn’t do that. Great job!
Harry, you had pets both canine and human (only in the sense that you are human, I suppose). You treated them with respect and kindness. Poor Pickles wasn’t a good fit for Earth, and the actual dog couldn’t stick around either, but you still showed them a pleasant time in your short period with them. I wish Pickles could have stayed with you. I’ve never seen a more loyal pet, or a sweeter handler.
Harry, you are the transmitter. You are so important to your mission and your family. You are the direct line of communication back to the Home Office. More than once, you give up your dreams, aspirations, crazy ideas, in order to go back home with the Solomons. These sacrifices were the ultimate show of your humanity.
As a fictional character, you’re almost as good as they get. Your eagerness, tenacity, and ability to completely misunderstand everything going on all delights and intrigues me.
All I can say is… Incoming message from my big giant heart: Harry, I love you.
Achoo! What did I miss?