These are not the classic Miss Manners directions you have come to know and love. What follows is a list of ideas that are specific to Dollissa (aka Miss irl). We advise you to always of course consult Miss Manners, the expert, whenever possible, or any other accredited politeness professional.
As adult human beings who live on Planet Earth and follow standard social etiquette, I shouldn’t have to tell any of you the following, but I will. If I had my way, nobody would ever move or make any noise. These etiquette tips are slightly more reasonable than a glorious world of silent, still people, but we’ll get there eventually.
It’s rude to count your change after making a transaction, because you’d be doubting the person who handed it to you, right in front of them! Also, don’t watch them count out your change, it’s hostile. Does your change look wrong? Did you get too little? Never think about it again.
The Last Slice
That last slice of pizza or cake is not for you. Did you already have one? Do something else. Don’t ask if it’s okay and don’t joke that there is one left. If nobody eats it, don’t flinch. Always be unflinching.
Wondering what to do with the temptation to peek in other people’s medicine cabinets and the accompanying guilt for considering it? Look briefly, consider the contents. Forget, never mention it, don’t look anything up. Take it to your grave, along with your other transgressions.
Look, But Don’t Touch
Do not move anything in anyone else’s home. This includes chairs, books, or anything else. If you must move something, to sit for example, move it back before you leave.
When meeting someone, it is so important to have a firm, quick, confident handshake. There is nothing that can make up for a flimsy, awkward interaction with a new person, so make sure you get it right on the first try. Just kidding. Don’t ever touch anyone.
People. Don’t ever touch people. Exceptions include family, lovers, and gay best friends. If you must touch them, like a handshake it should be confident and quick.