Napcidents, A Sneer Explainer

People seem to love taking naps, my sister swears by them. But for me it’s generally unplanned and will ruin much of the rest of my day, timing-wise. We call these “napcidents.” Yes they happen with enough frequency that they have a name. If I’m napping, something is already wrong or about to be.

Some people might say that part of the reason for these unplanned sleeps is that I do most of my living from on top of my bed. Reading books, chatting to friends online, reading articles online, chatting to customers for work — almost every time, I am sitting on the same surface that I use for bedtime sleeping. Also, usually, my TV computer is playing the same shows that I sleep to. I don’t hold much hope that I will find a better way to live than “from bed” but I suppose anything could be possible.

life

 

1. “Amandoll I’m about to work on Sneer Campaign”

Saying this key phrase is a magical and instant way to get me to fall asleep within moments. All I need to do is tell Amandoll that I’m about to Sneer and I’ll be out like a light before she can even say “about what?” Especially if I’ve already finished working for the day, it’s bound to happen. Nearly every article you have read has been punctuated by several unintentional naps. We are going to make a new layout for the site some day, too, but every time I begin to think about it, I wake up hours later, confused and honestly not that much more rested feeling.

 

2. DRUGS

I’m a modern American girl so I am filled to the brim with all kinds of medications. Do they interact? Maybe! Maybe that is the foundation on which this whole sleepy mess is built, but I am no pharmacologist so who knows. From sniffy nose to anxiety to having the blues to pretty much anything you can name, I take it and then float away on a cloud that I wake up from hours later, confused and maybe a little rested sometimes, but mostly annoyed and frustrated. Gimme some more drugs for annoyed frustration, STAT!

 

3. Before Plans

I can be awake at 4 am if you need me or I can stay up until 5 am if that’ll help, but if I tell you that we can meet up at a reasonable time of the day, you might need to wake me up shortly after I say that. It is also a good idea to contact me in a way that gives me enough time to panic and rush to the appointed place of meeting, or, if you are coming to Sneer House, call me when you are about one minute from knocking on the door, so that I don’t think I have any time to relax, because I will just fall asleep again and leave you out there for twenty minutes in the cold.

zzz

 

4. “Oh no I’m upset”

This is a panic napcident, which fortunately hasn’t caught me while I’m in a panicked rush to meet someone — YET.  Sometimes I stress out a lot and get complete anxiety and have run out of my prescriptions, calming teas, and other methods I use to relax. When this happens, I simply knock out in the middle of my bed while pretending I’m definitely going to read my book this time, I swear. Book reading is the last resort of calming down, or would be if I didn’t just immediately fall asleep instead, only to wake up hours later, more relaxed until I remember all of the things I had wanted to do with my day, and the cycle begins again.

 

5. Searing Pain

Whether it’s a headache or back pain acting up again, you can bet I don’t want to be awake for it. These count as napcidents because I never lie down to intentionally sleep pain away. I am all set to lie there in anguish, wailing loudly for everyone else to hear. But instead, thankfully, I fall asleep unexpectedly. I never think it is possible to sleep through those pains, so I am surprised every time. And I really, really hope that my back doesn’t hurt because I am always in bed. No. Impossible!

boohoo

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