Everyone has a point in their life where they wonder just how badly they are failing at becoming an adult. Many of us have this same point of worry multiple times in a week! This is a completely natural concern. We all also seem to eventually have a moment where we gasp, clutch at our hearts, and realize with horror that we have become our parents. Or at least, that we are getting very close to being our parents which then causes us to overreact and act like young people again but it is always pathetic because once you’ve reached a certain point of growing up, you can’t go back and oh god it makes me sick all of the time lost hold on I have to go hyperventilate into a brown paper bag.
Now you might be thinking to yourselves, you might even be shouting at your computer screens, “Amandoll, what would you of all people know about growing up? Look at you. You have never worked, you aren’t married, you never want kids, you’ve never even driven a car. Do you know what else you don’t have? You don’t have a bank account. You don’t even qualify as a thirteen year old most of the time, honestly. God. What good ARE you??”
WELL LISTEN, I may not have, like, practical experience on this matter, but I insist that I am very good at making observations and then taking these observations and creating threads of words with them that I can then pretend make good article topics for articles that need to be written as soon as possible because my goodness it is any day of the week already and I need more content all the time more more! Also I am pretty okay at crafting run on sentences of pure excellence today. It is my gift to you all.
The saying “the best things in life are free” is barely true, but true nonetheless. I mean, come on. But there are indeed great things that are free, such as sunshine, stretching, cats, sneers, and freemium apps. There is also friendship. For me, one of the best things in life is Amandoll.
We have a lot of things in common, or possibly most things. Here are some things that are unique to Amandoll and also great: drawing talent, belly dancing, childhood ponies, eating healthy, exercise, ferrets, Cincinnati, buttermilk, and ME. She is the sprinkles on my donut, the sour cream on my taco. Amandoll is the scissors to my paper doll, and so I have made her one.
Our favorite moody siren from the silver screen is back again in comic form! Today, she is Greta Garbfield, a wistful and somber cat who has much to say about the nature of her life. Yes, these are real quotes from the historical Garbo, untampered with, and as true today as they ever were.
Enjoy the comic. And click it for the real size, if you are so inclined.
Pyramidology claims that pyramids can have many beneficial affects upon people, using Mystical Pyramid Forces and also possibly Ancient Aliens. Problem is, you have to pay $29.95 for the book, AND THEN get abducted by aliens, escape the Probing Chamber, steal their Harmony Crystal Pyramid power source, and then make it to the escape pods before the saucer crashes into Roswell. Fortunately, I am here to tell you their secretive pyramid secrets, and how to use a pyramid here on Earth to achieve some popular Pyramid Tasks!
As usual, click to make it larger.
If you haven’t seen this year’s best new show, and Hulu’s very first actually good original show, go to Hulu right now and start watching Difficult People. The show has 8 episodes so far, as of this post. It is already renewed for a second season, because all is right in the world. However, today’s post is this season’s finale. Here’s to Difficult People!
The show stars Billy Eichner as Billy Epstein and Julie Klausner as Julie Kessler. They talk about pop culture and are fiercely loyal to one another, as friends should do and be. It seems like nothing in the world is more important to them than posting online and hanging out with each other. Billy Eichner is one of my favorite comedians. I love everything about him. When the show was first announced, I was pretty much already obsessed. Julie Klausner is not someone I had previously known about, but now I love her too.
Breaking news! This just in! Stop the presses, stop EVERY press! We have made the discovery of the century: Ryan Gosling, famous actor, is in fact really a secret time-traveler who is moonlighting as an actor! And what is more: he is the great-grandfather of my very own real life actual living breathing friend, another Amanda!
I will cool it with the exclamation points, but I refuse to calm down.
This other Amanda, whom I have been close to since the year 1988, did not realize that her great-grandfather was Ryan Gosling until very recently when she showed us a photograph of him in his “younger days.” I wish her great-grandmother was still alive so that we could ask her if her husband ever acted strangely, accidentally using terms and lingo from now-times, although she would not realize that is what he was doing. And I would like to ask Ryan Gosling-now how he is doing this. When does he find the time to time travel? Does it ever weird him out to know that he apparently grows old and dies in these other lives? How many alternate lives in history is he currently living? Is the Ryan Gosling we THINK we know actually from the future? Or from the past and has been to the future and is using future knowledge in order to be “lucky” in show biz? What is even happening I’m scared to think about all of this!
I am sure you all want to see what it is that has got me all whirled up in a tizzy, so here it is: THE PICTURE.
Incredible. Good job having such a great great-grandad, Friend Amanda. But too bad you can never think of Ryan Gosling in the same way, filled with romantic notions, again.
There was a news item out recently concerning the nature of friendships between humans and chickens. In it, the Center of Disease Control suggested that perhaps, just maybe, the new farming generation should create a more businesslike environment on their small hobby farms. Some people believe that happy chickens produce tastier, more healthful eggs, and seem to think that strong friendships are the key to happy chickens. In an effort to put the chickens at ease, they snuggle with them and apparently give them delicate smooches about the head and beak (and that is all, I hope). The CDC is totally grossed out, and AlexT, Dollissa, and I are OUTRAGED. As usual.
We don’t know for sure if kissing a chicken will get it to grow a better egg. But we DO know that we are being consumed with jealousy that we don’t have chickens of our own! We like egg-based meals! We like the sounds chickens make! We have watched documentaries about these things! I even have a book about raising chickens! It is a grave injustice that out of the three, zero of us have any chicken friends.
I made a comic out of our conversation, but do not be misled. This is not a comedy chat I have drawn. It is a true modern tragedy.
While looking through the 15 bins my mother has in storage in her basement of my childhood things, I found a book from when I was 12 or so. The book is called The Hidden Power of Dreams (by Denise Linn) and is largely about lucid dreaming and using your dreams to help your spiritual journey.
The book has a rudimentary dream dictionary in it. It does say that you should not use it directly to define something in a dream, but that it is more of a guideline for interpretation of the dream as a whole. Even with that huge caveat, it’s a really bad dream dictionary. Some of the interpretations are just definitions of that word, others have as many as four conflicting interpretations. See the following example:
The possibility of hidden sweetness.
Feeling “stung” by some circumstance or remark.
I mean, come on, right? So I’ve decided to describe some of my most common recurring dreams and interpret them with the dictionary in this book, published in 1988, and then the Sneer Campaign way, which is probably more accurate and also exciting. Most of these dreams are actually definitely nightmares.
It has been six months and one day since the glorious founding of this Internet website you are on right this very moment, and oh so much has happened in that time. The earth-shattering effects we have had on all of your lives, fashion, industry, and society as a whole have been very remarkable, indeed. And in our own lives, we have taken the adulation of adoring fans and attention from intrusive paparazzi in stride. It is the life we were always meant to live.
Hello, future chronologists and biographers! We speak to you from out of the mists of the Past, and it is exciting, because after all that has happened in the first half of one year, we can’t begin to imagine what monumental happenings will follow! Well, yes we can, but that will probably become another post some day.
Meanwhile, we have decided to list some of the more important events in the nifty little image below:
It is an outrageous fact of life that songs can easily get stuck in your head. Even when it is a song you love, eventually, after enough of a while, you begin to go insane. You might even begin to hate the song in much the same way that when you binge on a favorite treat, you become ill and can’t take the taste for a good long time.
This is certainly terrible, to see something you love turn into poison, but it isn’t nearly as bad as having a song you already hated to begin with get stuck in there. It is a form of torture. There is no silver lining. Terrible lyrics set to a criminally catchy tune will rake at your very being until it is raw and threadbare. You tell everyone of your tragedy, and they understand. We all understand. We’ve all had it happen to us.
Some people call these catchy songs “ear worms,” a fitting name that reminds you of vile parasites draining you of your essence. It’s true. This music wriggles into your brain and eats holes in there. There are probably as many remedies for ear worms as there are for hiccups. Listen to another song, listen to the offending song, put a pillow over your head and scream, scream until you hurt: all with varying results.
Well, I have happened upon a new method.Continue reading