Have you ever had a panic attack? They are different for everyone, we hear. Us Sneer Campaign writers, well we are a fragile bunch. Mentally.
For each of us, for a variety of reasons, our first panic attacks were each our worst. One horrific reason for this is that you pretty much think you’re dying. If you’ve never experienced a panic attack, it wouldn’t quite be comforting to not know what’s happening to you, to have trouble breathing or speaking, to move and shout involuntarily, to not even be able to cry.
My first landed me in the emergency room, while Amanda stayed home, wallowing in fear. We both ended up okay. We both survived not just those, but many since. We have both become more anxious. We both live in fear.
However, we’re also both pretty jokey people. Below is a list of true but possibly stupid things that have caused anxiety attacks in various sneer writers. The other writers have had anxiety attacks, too, but over things that make more sense.
- ordering food over the phone (had her pregnant sister, who was in labor, order from the hospital instead)
- the large hadron collider
- the night sky and outer space
- global warming and the state of the environment (girl melted down like she was a polar icecap)
- understanding the then-new health insurance system (Thanks, Obama. She never was able to figure it out)
- eating a peanut butter sandwich (forgot how to swallow it)
- realizing how many twigs and leaves were on a tree nearby, all of them slightly moving
- someone FB trolled his friend
- thought he was on the wrong bus (he was not)
- a dog slobbered on him and he went to the bathroom to wash it off and there was a statue of an obese naked twerking woman
- he was on a bus and noticed everyone was wearing flannel, then hundreds of people on the street were walking around also wearing flannel (it turned out that John Fogerty was playing a concert that evening in town and his fans wear flannel)
- a dentist’s appointment (He was in the dentist’s chair and flung the nurse away from him and ran out of the place. As he ran through the door, he for some reason said “shazam.” He remembers ending up in front of a Circuit City. His grandparents had to find him. He was 26 years old.)