brown chicken brown cow

My friend Jairo and I have a long-running inside joke into which I am about to invite you. We call it The Compilation. Let me give some back story. We are both former employees of a secondhand bookstore that shall remain nameless. Until a few years ago we had to choose “appropriate” music for store play via CDs for sale from our inventory. It was such a pain. Sometimes there was nothing that anybody really wanted to hear, so we would be forced to choose 5 lesser evils.

Sometimes we would be inundated by the Beatles, which in my unpopular opinion is utter torture. A lot of the time we had to listen to Pedo music. In layman’s terms it is called Doo-Wop and Motown. There are so many songs about teenage girls being pursued by adult men. How the hell is this acceptable? That’s fodder for another article. Eventually we got a satellite radio station we could listen to. It really wasn’t much better. It was just ok. One minute we would be hearing the wonderful bagpipes of “Under the Milkyway” by The Church, but then suddenly it would be some yodeling fool. I wish I were kidding.

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August is Read a Romance Novel Month so we thought we’d sneak this one in right at the end!

Sneer Publishing is just around the corner, along with our other thousand new daily ideas. SP will debut with a box set of our first five romance novels that we’ll unleash to the world in a storm of paper and marketing. The box set will be limited edition, of course, with embossed covers and gilded page edges.

We won’t give too much away though, because we expect you to buy them at the full price of $749.99 for the set.

voodoo cupid

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Habbo Hotel has been around since practically the beginning of the internet as we know it. Several of us have been held in its thrall, and maybe still go back to it from time to time. Maybe we are going to it today, in the present year of 2017. At any rate, it seems like a good idea to get the boot in the door and write a first article introducing our readers to the concept, as though you don’t all secretly keep accounts there, yourselves. I have been discussing it with everyone’s favorite Southern Man, Mr. Billy Holiday (my frequent cohort at the hotel a few years ago and actually he might have been on there far more than I actually was). We have realized that there were so many happenings over so many years that there are a few articles within us about this place, this should-be-totally-defunct place. But what is it?

you can never leave

 

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Whether your favorite character was Emma, Paige, Spinner, or yes, even Jimmy, it’s time to go back. Yes, right now. Let’s go.

Okay so we’re a little late. Degrassi: Next Class started on Netflix over a year ago, so you can go watch that. However, remember being a little baby in 2001? Okay so I was 15 and you may have been even older. But THEY were babies. They really, really were.

they were babies

 

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The Van Morrison hit “Brown Eyed Girl” is just one of those songs you hear innumerable times over the course of your life. You’ve probably heard it in your home, your car radio, overhead at the grocery store, and countless other places. The point is this is a song that is played out the ass (FORESHADOWING) and chances are you could sing a few lines if asked on the spot. If someone asked me to sing for them on the spot I’d tell them to go sing to a big meaty johnson, but that’s just me.

Now I do enjoy this song, but probably not for the same reasons as most. My enjoyment from it comes from my knowledge of what the TRUE meaning of this song is all about. That beneath those charming and harmless lyrics is a cesspool of debauchery. Would you believe me if I told you that this song has a secret meaning that you’ve gone decades without noticing? No? Well then… Would you believe me when I tell you that you’re living in a FOOL’S WORLD?  

brown eyed girl

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Silent movies are an under-appreciated era of film history. Many people have a hard time enjoying black and white movies at all, claiming that it seems instantly “more boring,” so asking them to also try to watch something that only has ill-fitting or overwrought music for a soundtrack, and to also read dialogue cards, is an exercise in frustration and futility. People are missing so many good things!

Because I’m such a nice person, I will detail one scene in one comedy movie starring Buster Keaton in order to save you the trouble of enjoying something on your own. Do you know who Buster Keaton is, by the way? He was a slapstick comedy man who wasn’t Charlie Chaplin. That should get you started.

Buster Keaton

Today, we are watching an important scene from the Cameraman, which I confess to never having fully watched. The premise is set up in the first 30 seconds. Buster is at the public pool, intending to have a good time as one generally does at such a place. He goes in to a changing room to change clothes, and another man is also directed into the same room. Comedy ensues.

Feel free to watch along with me. The scene is only four and a half minutes long, but certainly worth it. For those of you who are not able to see it right now, I have provided a chronological timeline of noteworthy events after the link.

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