Some lucky people are staying home from work, everyone is remembering another instance where indigenous people suffered, families are eagerly awaiting a new coloring page to color together – that’s right, it’s another Monday-observed holiday, but this one is wonderful!

Columbo Day is when families gather around their televisions to marathon-watch episodes ofColumbo on Netflix, YouTube, or from your personal collection of the complete ColumboDVDs! We are slowly introducing the newest tradition over the next twenty-four years: the Columbo Discovers America coloring book, one page released per year. This is the third, highly anticipated page.

Spoiler: In the end, America actually discovers Columbo, and everyone’s lives are improved dramatically. Happy coloring! Click to enlarge the picture and for printing!

color it

tesla

The sad life story of Nikola Tesla is one almost everyone knows. A brilliant genius mind too good for this world, his kind altruistic intentions were continually thwarted by jealous capitalists who were bloodthirsty cutthroat money making greedmonsters who would stop at nothing to create monopolies on inventions, THOMAS EDISON. I’M LOOKING AT YOU.

Born on July 10, 1856, in modern day Croatia, Nikola emigrated to the United States in 1884 and continued inventing and being plagued by setbacks. He gave us alternating current electricity and Tesla Coils, among other things (I’m not writing a book report here — do your own research), so he wasn’t a long string of failures or anything. But the end of his life seemed to be a struggle with unpaid bills, relative obscurity, and dying all alone.

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We, the writers of Sneer Campaign, are not complete philistines. Occasionally we like to raise our pinky fingers and sip on hot tea while discussing some of the finer things in this world. Sometimes we cover matters of history, other times we may speak at length about books we have read, or scientific breakthroughs that had been brought to our attention somehow. Other days, we sit around analyzing classic artworks — but never modern art because we are not sophisticated enough to “get” it!  

Today, we decided to take a look at the Last Supper, by some kid named Leonardo da Vinci. He had his day back in the 1400s, but do not let that frighten you. Those days were not so different than these days we are in now. So take our hands, readers, and appreciate the history of art, religious beliefs, flippant artistic subterfuge, and yes even a little Last Supper Day Miracle!

last supperContinue reading

31 YEARS OLD

The first documented instance of Dollissa Day was held in Sunrise, Florida, in 1986. Two cultures came together to celebrate this birth event of a teeny tiny Jewish-Puerto Rican baby who was no larger than a thimble. Her small size was a surprise to one and all because a C-section had been ordered. A humble granite marker will soon mark the operating room in which this miracle was performed, courtesy of the enthusiastic support of the entire population of the town.

Being an accomplished world traveler, several locations around the world have shrines dedicated to places where she has sat and complained, and to other places where she has fallen over and injured herself in seemingly impossible ways. From Natal to Las Vegas, including Turks and Caicos, Machu Picchu, Italy, and Israel, good people gather ’round to tell stories of her achievements, and boast of personal contact and interactions that they may have experienced.

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Anyone who knows anything about Marilyn Monroe is probably aware that she was insecure, tormented by fame, and battling addictions that were rooted in an unhappy childhood and an unhappy adulthood. A classic tale, was she, of the sorrows and stresses of the Hollywood Machine. If you didn’t know that, now you do. She probably had actual clinical depression, and mental illness is no laughing matter, but as I read through her various quotes the other day, I couldn’t help but notice that she said some pretty sad things! My heart went “boohoo” as I saw her pleas for help which I can only assume went ignored. She had to be the Blonde Bombshell when, had she been a pretty young thing any time after the 1980s, she could have been a goth-punk, a Suicide Girl, or a generic mall goth. Instead of quotes immortalized on imdb, her quotes could have been unseen on deadjournal, or carved into the skin of her own tummy and shown only to her myspace friends. Marilyn Monroe might have suffered so much because she felt out of place in every way, yearning for a subculture that didn’t exist, and then she was taken from the world far too young.

vampire goth

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Schools are teaching special lessons, internet memes are casting aspersions and changing public opinions, mattresses are on sale – that’s right, it’s another Monday-observed holiday, but this one is wonderful!

Columbo Day is when families gather around their televisions to marathon-watch episodes ofColumbo on Netflix, YouTube, or from your personal collection of the complete Columbo DVDs! We are slowly introducing the newest tradition over the next twenty-four years: the Columbo Discovers America coloring book, one page released per year. This is the second, highly anticipated page.

Spoiler: In the end, America actually discovers Columbo, and everyone’s lives are improved dramatically. Happy coloring! Click to enlarge the picture and for printing!

columbo day

In the 1980s, Cabbage Patch Dolls were all the rage. Families tore apart other families in order to “adopt” one of these things in time for Christmas. Some people even to this day have lost their minds to the extent that they pretend their Cabbage Patch Dolls are their actual children. I saw it on a documentary once! It’s true!

As a reaction to the doll fervor, some other people created “Garbage Pail Kids,” which were completely based on the dolls but super gross in that way that many things from the ’80s were. They were rude, and crude, and on the Trapper Keepers of many children at school. Parents hated them, people with an ounce of delicate sophistication hated them, and the Cabbage Patch company hated them. But who cares about those people, right??

A lesser known reaction to the Garbage Pail Kids happened though, and we have unearthed these valuable collector cards ourselves. Over time, we will show you each of these gorgeous Garbo Pail Kids. So elegant that no one was offended, and that lack of offense caused them to be underappreciated and obscure. Not anymore! They were ahead of their time, and also like fifty years behind their other time. Well, 2016 is long enough from both times for them to be their new time! Their REAL time! What IS time, anyway? Halp!

Greta Garbage

There have been a lot of movie cowboys who have had famous star horses as their mounts: Hopalong Cassidy and Topper, the Lone Ranger and Silver, Gene Autry and Champion the Wonder Horse; but none were as famous as Roy Rogers and his Palomino steed, Trigger. Or really, I should say “Trigger and his hanger-on, Roy Rogers the singing cowboy.”

Trigger was a wonderful horse, a marvel. And he was so famous that he even starred in a comic book series! He could walk on his hind legs, sign his name with an “X”, cover himself with a blanket, had a very good rhythm as a dancer, and apparently, he was even house-trained. He had so many tricks memorized that they ran out of ways to teach him prompts for new ones (that amount, for those of you who are curious, is 150 tricks). He was a professional actor and like any superstar, would perk up as soon as he saw cameras or crowds. Trigger was not a diva, though, and was reportedly as sweet as sugar to almost everyone.

trigger

However, in my idle moments of reading about this equine, I discovered several shocking facts!

 

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The 1920s, or “Roaring Twenties” as they were frequently known, were an exciting time to be alive, there’s no doubt about that. Common behavior was wild and loose, cultures were wildly appropriated with not a care in the world, parties raged, jazz music gained in popularity, and the established order of things from before World War I were turned upside down. Parents clutched their pearls and were continuously appalled by the girls in their short skirts with their short hairdos, and the sleazily elegant gents who appeared to live in tuxedos and awoke fresh each afternoon with pencil thin mustaches already looking precise, ready for another bender consisting of illegal bootleg liquor that was even more delicious because of the Prohibition, and rule-breaking was the order of the day for this lost generation.

But what of their cats??

Art Deco Cats

 

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The literary world is rich and full of wonder. I know that we are all avid readers of fine books and voracious readers of fine periodicals and delicious websites that offer fine journalism such as the one you are reading right this very minute. Reading what has been written is a joy that every literate person takes pleasure in, and if you know of anyone who is illiterate, why not be their hero and teach them to read? Or donate to charities, because everyone loves donating to charities!

Anyway, I am here to talk about a nursery rhyme. Adults often overlook nursery rhymes in the Land of Literature. We memorize them when we are very small, then cast them aside once we can comprehend child fictions about riding horses, or little books about not being afraid of the dark, or not being afraid of failure, or owning and riding dinosaurs, or having imaginary friends. But those first nursery rhymes are very important for us as tiny youths, and we probably still have most of them buried away in our brains, ready to be recited at the drop of any old hat anywhere.

The subjects of a lot of these nursery rhymes are actually kind of creepy. We have all heard about that one rhyme really being about the bubonic plague horrors and everyone dying. There are others too, so it stands to reason that pretty much all of these rhymes are based on adult themes and death and destruction, or in the case of that disgusting Georgie Porgie – date rape.

 

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