There is no love quite like the love of a pet. They’re always there for us, when we’re sick, sad, or lonely. They’ll play with us and keep us company. They are therapists and confidants, best friends and playmates. Unconditional love for a small adoption fee.

When I was about seventeen, my neighbors adopted a kitten for their daughter and named him Samson. Children can be fickle creatures, and it turned out that their daughter wasn’t hugely interested in having a cat, so Samson was pretty much left to his own devices.

He was a longhair, mostly blue-gray, but with a white patch on his chin down to his tummy, and on the tips of his paws. He had beautiful, piercing green eyes.

samson

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This series will explore some of the works in our store, Sneer1Imports. We wanted to tell the stories behind the designs and illustrations. Some have long histories, some were funny suggestions, and others were favors. Please join us on a journey of love, sneers, pens, and art!

 

The Art Deco Cats are our most decadent series of art on our store. Each work is available as so many products that it’s almost unbelievable. We favor them as framed art prints, because the frame colors really bring out their eyes. But they make really delightful cards and tote bags.

art deco cats

 

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My first memory of befriending an outdoor cat was a long time ago, but I’m not sure how old I was. Age twelve maybe? This was probably the only one in this story that was likely someone’s cat, just living outside. It was Florida and we were moving into a new house. I think we met a realtor at one house, in some sort of gated community. There was a cat outside and I wanted to touch it, so I tried to make friends with it.

The cat seemed friendly enough, it walked toward me and we seemed pretty okay with each other. After some calm and successful petting, I made a mistake I have not repeated to this day. I picked her up.

I have a lot of reasons or excuses for why I picked her up. She was being friendly and calm. She may have been a pet. I wanted to. But those reasons did not prevent the torso-length scratch from the cat trying to escape over the back of my body after hearing a loud noise. Somehow she ran up the front of me and down my back.

It stung a whole lot, of course. If you have never been scratched by a cat, imagine a paper cut that someone pissed in. But I forgive you, cat whose permission I did not have to lift and hold tightly against my body like a newborn baby or a taco box. Scratches heal.

don't pick up

 

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We’re living at a great tipping point in the labor market. As workers demand more and more rights, and customers expect increasingly good service, many business owners are caught between a rock and a hard place. “Innovation is our only solution,” says Japanese executive Ishiara See-Iyo.

Jobs flowed out of the United States due to costs, and many companies are demanding better conditions for workers in China. Automation and the use of robots alongside other emerging technologies provides some new options, but often requires enormous overhauls and retrofitting. Mr. See-Iyo saw that deploying new resources into his business’s existing space was key. “Your shop can’t be ugly to accommodate your robot. Even if there isn’t a smiling person to greet them at the door, people expect a level of warmth that technology simply can’t provide.”

“Mankind lived hunting and gathering. Then we lived as farmers. Now we do an immeasurable number of things. Cats were undomesticated. Now they’re domesticated. They’re smarter than ever. Of course it makes sense that they too have an opportunity to enter the labor market.” Titans of industry are incredulous of See-Iyo’s plans and methods, but they’re dying to know his secrets.

According to industry insiders, private investors have been offering millions to See-Iyo. “Industry insiders are betting their Benjamins that this man has the proper training programs for a cat to pack your next Amazon order, to serve your burger at McDonald’s, be your next Uber driver, or even serve drinks on your next flight.”

haircut and the captain

 

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In the 1980s, Cabbage Patch Dolls were all the rage. Families tore apart other families in order to “adopt” one of these things in time for Christmas. Some people even to this day have lost their minds to the extent that they pretend their Cabbage Patch Dolls are their actual children. I saw it on a documentary once! It’s true!

As a reaction to the doll fervor, some other people created “Garbage Pail Kids,” which were completely based on the dolls but super gross in that way that many things from the ’80s were. They were rude, and crude, and on the Trapper Keepers of many children at school. Parents hated them, people with an ounce of delicate sophistication hated them, and the Cabbage Patch company hated them. But who cares about those people, right??

A lesser known reaction to the Garbage Pail Kids happened though, and we have unearthed these valuable collector cards ourselves. Over time, we will show you each of these gorgeous Garbo Pail Kids. So elegant that no one was offended, and that lack of offense caused them to be underappreciated and obscure. Not anymore! They were ahead of their time, and also like fifty years behind their other time. Well, 2016 is long enough from both times for them to be their new time! Their REAL time! What IS time, anyway? Halp!

Greta Garbage

It’s a well-known fact that it’s very difficult to train a cat. Some people say it’s because cats are too smart to be trained. Now I may not know why it’s so hard, but that definitely isn’t the reason. Cats aren’t smart animals. They might be sneaky enough to trick you into thinking they’re of a superior intelligence, but just because they can pee in my toilet and open my cabinets, I won’t be fooled. They’re stupid, they have nothing to do all day, and they can jump on top of anything. It is a perfect storm of potential for a cat-tastrophe.

Anyway, I’d often wondered if my thick-headed felines knew what their names are. Sure, sometimes they turn when I yell their name, but maybe they’re just turning at the yelling. Or maybe they know by the tone of my voice that they’re doing something wrong. Or maybe they just already knew they were doing something wrong, and reacted in a panic to the loudest noise. I’ll never actually figure it out, but I try sometimes.

Haircut the Cat

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Here at Sneer Campaign we obviously love cats. They are featured many places, but mostly in our hearts. We have 3 each, because we are insane. We like them a lot! Love them. Mostly.

catpain

To introduce Cat Lady Week, we are starting with our furriest of friends. Our nicest companions. Our bff 4ever.

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