November is casually referred to as “NaNoWriMo,” but it and I aren’t close pals, so I’d like to treat it a little more formally — please forgive me. November is also known as “Movember” because some men choose to grow a mustache in order to raise awareness of some men’s health issue and they think that growing unsightly facial hair is better than just educating people with frank discussion, but the novel writing is a better use for a month. Gentlemen, may I suggest that you wake up daily and begin with a shave, and then write your novel about the men’s health issue? I don’t think I even know what the health issue is because I avoid going places where I might see a mustache.

National Novel Writing Month.

This has been going on for years and years, for as long as I can remember on the internet. However, I have never been interested in giving it a try. “What could I possibly write about that could be engaging?” I always wondered. I write nine hundred million words for Sneer Campaign every year in the form of these well-composed articles, but those aren’t NOVELS. Novels are more serious. Novels are respectable. I mean, aside from all of those self-published novels that flood Amazon’s e-shelves. Those weird novels that seem to have been written in a week and never proofread. But I would want to do better than that! Wouldn’t I?

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The thing about podcasts is that I’ve never really wanted to listen to people just discussing things. I don’t watch talk shows, I can’t stand listening to people read, and I can listen to people speak for about 50 – 100 words maximum, depending on the topic. So it was hard for me to believe that I’d ever want to get into podcasts as A Thing.

huff

I tried a few. When friends started podcasts, I would dutifully listen to one or two episodes to show my support and see if I’d want to keep going. I couldn’t! It never felt quite right. Sorry, friends. And really, it’s only so much that I can listen to anyone talk about anything, unless it’s Amandoll, about everything.

 

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Some lucky people are staying home from work, everyone is remembering another instance where indigenous people suffered, families are eagerly awaiting a new coloring page to color together – that’s right, it’s another Monday-observed holiday, but this one is wonderful!

Columbo Day is when families gather around their televisions to marathon-watch episodes ofColumbo on Netflix, YouTube, or from your personal collection of the complete ColumboDVDs! We are slowly introducing the newest tradition over the next twenty-four years: the Columbo Discovers America coloring book, one page released per year. This is the third, highly anticipated page.

Spoiler: In the end, America actually discovers Columbo, and everyone’s lives are improved dramatically. Happy coloring! Click to enlarge the picture and for printing!

color it

garboo

 

The first olive martini flavored cereal, Garboo Berry was originally launched on September 18, 1905. Turner Classic Movie Guidelines recommend three or more servings per week. Most U.S. adults get less than one. Why should that matter? It matters because regular consumption of Garboo Berry cereal guarantees a touch of class to an otherwise humdrum and unsatisfying existence.

*Garboo Berry Cereal is high in alcohol content. According to the Surgeon General, women should not eat this cereal during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. Consumption of this delicious breakfast food impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.

August is Read a Romance Novel Month so we thought we’d sneak this one in right at the end!

Sneer Publishing is just around the corner, along with our other thousand new daily ideas. SP will debut with a box set of our first five romance novels that we’ll unleash to the world in a storm of paper and marketing. The box set will be limited edition, of course, with embossed covers and gilded page edges.

We won’t give too much away though, because we expect you to buy them at the full price of $749.99 for the set.

voodoo cupid

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Around here, we always have lofty goals. We always have had lofty goals! On one such occasion, cchris and I decided for about five minutes that our time would be best spent as a writing POWERHOUSE duo for writing romance novels. I mean, we are both experts, and we have big ideas that should be lucrative. As you can see in this comic, things were actually going incredibly well, and we should write a little of it every day and then release a line of romance novels on Amazon’s self-publishing services. Isn’t that the dream? Isn’t that the reality of thousands of people? Thousands of MILLIONAIRES from their author career paths they’ve chosen. God I mean look at how well I’m writing today!

Clearly this is the best destiny I’ve got going. Click the comic, if necessary.

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Marketing has always had a pronounced gender divide. Look at an ad for, say, laundry detergent; You never see Dad sorting the whites and colors, it’s always Mom doing the chores while Dad sits on the couch trying to lick the last of the cheese dip from the bottom of the jar. To market to men, all you need is a mixture of diamondplate, sports, and aggression. Marketing both builds and reinforces gender stereotypes. Live up to the standard of masculinity or lose your “man card.” Masculinity is very fragile, and can go away at any moment if you can’t name at least three starting quarterbacks for the NFL. It’s stupid, demeaning, ugly, and it’s time I cashed in.

Fidget spinners are all the rage right now. Originally invented as an aid for children and adults with conditions like anxiety and ADHD, it’s now caught on in the mainstream, so now it’s dismissed as a toy so the people who need them look foolish for taking advantage of them. Once again, it’s time to cash in. Every product, from hygiene to TV dinners, has a version “FOR MEN,” and it’s time fidget spinners caught up. This fad has a shelf life, after all. So now, in the interests of cashing in on fads and upholding the masculine standard, Sneer Campaign presents FIDGET TOYS FOR MEN.

grunt

 

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Schools are teaching special lessons, internet memes are casting aspersions and changing public opinions, mattresses are on sale – that’s right, it’s another Monday-observed holiday, but this one is wonderful!

Columbo Day is when families gather around their televisions to marathon-watch episodes ofColumbo on Netflix, YouTube, or from your personal collection of the complete Columbo DVDs! We are slowly introducing the newest tradition over the next twenty-four years: the Columbo Discovers America coloring book, one page released per year. This is the second, highly anticipated page.

Spoiler: In the end, America actually discovers Columbo, and everyone’s lives are improved dramatically. Happy coloring! Click to enlarge the picture and for printing!

columbo day

The 1920s, or “Roaring Twenties” as they were frequently known, were an exciting time to be alive, there’s no doubt about that. Common behavior was wild and loose, cultures were wildly appropriated with not a care in the world, parties raged, jazz music gained in popularity, and the established order of things from before World War I were turned upside down. Parents clutched their pearls and were continuously appalled by the girls in their short skirts with their short hairdos, and the sleazily elegant gents who appeared to live in tuxedos and awoke fresh each afternoon with pencil thin mustaches already looking precise, ready for another bender consisting of illegal bootleg liquor that was even more delicious because of the Prohibition, and rule-breaking was the order of the day for this lost generation.

But what of their cats??

Art Deco Cats

 

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It’s Jack Chick’s birthday today, supposedly. I am not convinced he is still alive, but here we are. What a trooper. What a hard-working excellent model of what to do as a cartoonist, except for all the content. And any of his other ideas, aside from being a cartoonist.

Chick Tracts by Amanda Wood

Read these, like newspaper comics, as if you are reading about the creator. (I see you, Jim Davis. You cannot escape our scrutiny, Tom Wilson and Tom Wilson II.) However, he doesn’t write them, God gives them to him. So are we reading about God? Are we reading about Jack Chick? Are we reading about a team of cartoonists publishing under his name? The world may never know.

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