As we all know, every celebrity has a pet cause, some charity or other philanthropic organization that they tirelessly champion by mentioning it in talk show appearances up to three times. I personally have been long considering becoming a celebrity, although while it would be fun to get paid seventeen million dollars to recite lines in a near-monotone then talk in interviews about “the craft of acting,” the downside is that I would probably have to at least visit California, which means I’d be facing death by mudslide.

haun

However, mudslide relief would not be my charity of choice were I to become a celebrity. No, I have come across something much bigger, something that is an enormous threat to the well-being of our teens. And that something is: Moonflower Abuse.

 

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tarotscopes

 

Hey there, Sneersters! It is time for the June TarotScopes, a sweet medley of Intuitive Tarot and a bit of astrological goings-on to give you a heads-up on the month ahead. Remember in addition to looking up your Sun sign, maybe look into your Moon and Rising signs to get a broader perspective. Mars is still in retrograde till June 29, so it is still not the greatest of times to start anything huge because it is likely to fizzle out before it gets off the ground. Don’t start any arguments, battles, or lawsuits with anyone… you won’t win. People will have a tendency to get very heated about things not flowing smoothly… particularly in traffic. Lots of rear-end collisions happen with Mars retro. If you allow yourself to get all worked up about something, chances are you will be REAL fired up by the end of the month, so maybe just cool your heels now, kids.

If you would like a reading that is specific to you, please contact me either by liking me on my Facebook page Tarot By Tonyana or hitting Sneer Campaign’s sidebar with my name, which will take you directly to my Etsy shop. Here we go…

 

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Despite my repeated listenings of “The Gambler,” by Kenny Rogers in my youth, I was never much into gambling, myself. I even waved off schoolyard bets where the stakes were beloved toys, chores, or stranger acts and favors. I am not sure why I didn’t have an interest in such. That added layer of risk detracted from experiences for me, I guess. Mysteries! Wet blanket, fuddy dud mysteries! Unsolvable.

Well, recently Dollissa compelled me to bet on a horse race, the Kentucky Derby, you may have heard of it. Bet with REAL MONEY, by the way, it wasn’t for funsies − it was for keeps! No one was more surprised than I was that my hastily, arbitrarily picked horse, Nyquist, won. He won! He won FOR ME. I thought that my $13 would turn into $13.50 or something, but I wound up winning over $40. I became wealthy! I became hooked.

slippery slope

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If you got through April unscathed, congratulations! Even though we are still in retrograde season, Jupiter will get back to the swing of things on the 9th and things should be letting up later on this month a bit since Mercury will go direct on the 22nd. That should help a lot. Honestly, retrogrades can be a wonderful thing if you can slow down and go within. If you try to push things, you will inevitably run into obstacles. This will affect each sign differently. In addition to looking up your Sun Sign, read into your Rising (your Ascendant) and Moon signs as well. Remember, these combine mostly Tarot with a bit of Astrology sprinkled in.

tarotscopes

If you would like a reading that is specific to you, please contact me either by liking me on my Facebook page Tarot By Tonyana or hitting Sneer Campaign’s sidebar with my name, which will take you directly to my Etsy shop.

 

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tarotscopes

Hi there, Sneersters! I’m Tonyana and I’m going to be dropping by every month or so to give an idea of where your month is headed. These here are TarotScopes, where I intuitively consult the cards and take into account all the astrological goings-on. These are very general, so if you would like a more in-depth reading, like my page Tarot By Tonyana and message me to schedule one. It may also be helpful to look up your Rising or Moon sign. Oh… looks like the 25th may be a particularly memorable day this month because the Tower card kept popping up around that time on lots of these, so I’m going to circle it on my calendar.

Done. Now on to each sign!

 

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I was inspired by a post made by the creators of Cards Against Humanity. Although I’m not really a fan of the game, I loved their holiday post, in which they accepted $5 from customers for literally nothing in return. Then, they posted about how the money was spent. Previously, they had donated large amounts to charity, so maybe a lot of those people assumed it would be donated. Some of it was! But they also seem to have had a lot of fun!

Anyway, the amount of money we have made so far is laughably small. We’ve only had our fabulous store for about 4 months, so it’s understandable, I guess. Considering we paid for our domain name, some hosting fees, and $5 for accidentally boosting a Facebook post, we pretty much have enough left to feed our cats for a week.

$$$

 

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Making vision boards, or dream boards, is a great way to get your thoughts down and to tell the universe that you are ready for the things you deserve to come your way. Since the new year just started, it’s the perfect time to start to visualize the way you want 2016 to go.

Vision Boarding

It may seem like a daunting task at first to determine your goals, how to represent them, and then create your board. But it’s the fun part, I swear! Just follow our simple directions and you’ll be well on your way to realizing your dreams.

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The banks are closed, mail isn’t running, federal employees get to stay home – that’s right, it’s another Monday-observed holiday, but this one is wonderful!

Columbo Day is when families gather around their televisions to marathon-watch episodes of Columbo on Netflix, YouTube, or from your personal collection of the complete Columbo DVDs! We are slowly going to introduce the next tradition over the next twenty-four years: the Columbo Discovers America coloring book, one page released per year.

Spoiler: In the end, America actually discovers Columbo, and everyone’s lives are improved dramatically. Happy coloring! Click to enlarge the picture and for printing!

 

Columbo Discovers America by Amanda Wood

While we’re both on wordly vacations having a blast, we’d like to let you in on our dream joint vacation.

Dollissa at Sea by Amanda Wood

First of all, we would travel by sea. Amandoll does not fly, and neither Amandoll nor Dollissa can drive. Since we want to see the world together, that involves mostly ships, and maybe a horse or two.

To start, this involves Amandoll arriving in Newark, NJ from Cincinnati. This can be accomplished by a slow train ride of 18 hours or so. Once she is retrieved from Newark Penn Station by a friend with a car, or Dollissa on foot (it is, after all, only 15 minutes walk), we will rest for several days, punctuated by small meals of wraps with thai spicy mustard.

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Presented by Ringmasters Dollissa and Amandoll

Welcome!

The Sneer Carnival

Thrilling Rides:

House of Broken Mirrors and Dreams

Bouncy House of Cellulite and Shame

Mini Train Ride around Sneerland (Sassy Commentary included)

Swarm of Bees Ferris Wheel

 

Challenging Game Booths:

Chicken Ring Toss

Ball Throw & Daisy Bowl

Spin the Wheel of Insults

Test Your Inner Strength

 

Surprising Prizes:

Win a chicken! Press it to your mouth

Win a daisy! Press it to your mouth, too

Win a caricature! Hide it under your bed

 

Unique Performances:

Ventriloquist Demandoll with Dummy Canadian Chris

“No, YOU’re the dummy, and your dress is so 2001!”

Steven the Talking Horse

“I’m an anarchist.”

Smirk de Soleil: The Circus of Sneer

Sneer Clowns Leap, Tumble, and Swing Around the Big Top