Any time a new animal friend enters my life, I find myself considering what name would suit it. I don’t mean that I take fifteen minutes before settling on the forever-name. I mean I draw up charts and make lists and say each word hundreds of times. I consult numerology and tea leaves and the phases of the moon. I read baby name books and dictionaries and look at the shapes of clouds hoping that one will inspire me suitably.

Perhaps many of you think I am going overboard when it comes to this sort of thing, but I used to stress over naming my Sims, too, so this is how seriously I take names! A pet will live out its entire lifespan (which it will obviously be spending entirely with you, responsible pet owner), so the name is crucial. You will be saying this word repeatedly, and eventually, engraving it on a little stone monument to mark its place in a pet cemetery. It’s the most important thing to this animal, after food, water, shelter, and pettings.

gimme name

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As seen on YouTube, you can seemingly train any animal to do anything. Sort of. At least the animals on YouTube appear to do adorable things on purpose. I don’t know if that’s necessarily training.

I’ve never trained any of my pets to do anything. I’ve had rabbits, mice, turtles, hamsters, gerbils, and cats. They all did whatever they wanted, some resulting in more damage than others. I’ve always thought about training them, though. It seems like a lot of work, and the animals seem pretty against it without even trying.

Animal Training

However, here are some pets that I want, and what I would train them to do if I possessed the time, patience, ambition, and skill.

 

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My favorite thing about being culturally Jewish is being able to claim Larry David as one of the tribe. One of my other favorite things is Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is fun because, like other exciting holidays from around the world, it brings people together! Also, latkes. I’m a big fan of gift-giving, when the season calls for it. So, here is Sneer Campaign’s Hanukkah gift to you: a drawing of us.

Friends, light your candles and play dreidel if you’d like. But also make sure to give out some hugs, even if you hate being touched.

Happy Hanukkah, from Sneer Campaign.

Happy Hanukkah from Sneer Campaign by Amanda Wood