We have a lot of fears. Some make sense; others, not so much. This latter type will be featured once monthly until we run out of material, at which point, we might begin accepting the fears of our readers. 

cchris

I love describing my dynamic with cchris to anyone who has a moment to listen, because I never have been able to understand it. I even mention it on here as much as I can, partly because it’s part of my character makeup, and partly because I really am that bewildered by it. Over the years, things have shifted and changed. When I realized that he is very mysterious, my imagination occasionally will step in and try to figure out WHY. Who is so good at not giving out personal facts? For this many years? Is it villainy? Is it because there’s nothing there? Is it to appear more interesting? What is there to hide, and if there is nothing to hide — WHY.

The irrational fear depicted in the comic has OMGJeremy to blame. Apparently he thinks that cchris and I write similarly, and maybe it is HIS irrational fear that I am pretending to be this whole other person. When he first told me of this, I did have a little while where I might have been horrified and fearful at the possibility. That would be world-shattering to realize. But I guess I don’t fear it, exactly. If it turns out it’s all been in my head, that’s almost impressive. I could live with it. I could live with having made a little Canadian Tulpa. That’s fine. Whatever. I would just like to know for sure before I die of old age.

Friends have been talking about this show for a bit, but of course I waited for it to be on Netflix, my lord and savior. Now that the first season is up, I get what all the chatter was about. First of all, nice job Netflix with the spot featuring Cole Sprouse eating that burger. And fantastic job, The CW, for all of the rest of it. This show is already renewed for a second season, thank goodness. If you know me at all and we speak on a regular basis, I have already told you every line, plot, actor, setting, and other details of this show, whether you wanted me to or not.

jughot amirite

Anyway, as you can see by the way it says that Jughead is “finally” eating a burger that it’s not the Archie you know and love. It’s the Riverdale that you’ll get to know and then love. It’s a “subversive take” on the Archie comics characters. That pretty much means it’s Dark Archie but what it delivers is even better. What you get is some sort of fabulous and strange version of The O.C. combined with Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, but with Archie characters. As it turns out, that’s all I’ve ever wanted in such a show.

 

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Dear Trent,

My friends say that guitarists are off-limits for me, but since you’re fictional anyway I’m gonna go for it. In an era of strange and uninteresting male MTV stars, you stood out as at least a hunk. A slacker, nihilist, sarcastic hunk. What a dreamboat.

trentttt

You were grungy, aloof, a little dumb, and hot. We liked your punky skinny jeans and your idiotic lyrics. You spent a lot of time thinking of ways to get more sleep. Same, Trent.

 

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alt titles: “Blum, Blum, Blum, Blum, I Want You In My Room”, “Max Blum: Feels Like Homo”

Today is Adam Pally’s Birthday! Happy Birthday Adam. To celebrate we dedicate today’s article to the one and only Max Blum from Happy Endings. We are going to celebrate by also celebrating me because that is how things are done when they are done in the spirit of Max.

max blum
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Dear Neelix,

You are a Talaxian with many hats. When you first joined the Voyager crew, they saw you as a salesman, a foreigner, a big ol’ weirdo. I did too! I thought, “why would this even be here, he is ridiculous.” But you aren’t! You’re the most underrated crew member, the most versatile (according to Chakotay), and the most adorable (well, except for Naomi Wildman, sorry). Not that people don’t love you, but that maybe they don’t exactly realize how important and wonderful you are. You have skills for any time or place, love for everyone, and the best outfits.

 

Neelix by Amanda Wood

 

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Dear Bernard,

Hi, please don’t shout at me. I don’t know if you’ll read this when I mail it to you, because you’ll probably leave it in a pizza box somewhere until it becomes alive. I can be your Summer Girl! The one that you wanted. I have hair! I’ll play tennis and wear dresses.

I can even do that dance you do, with you. The one where you hop around while holding your pant-legs up. Yes, the graceful drunken dance that would fill anyone with envy, lust, and confusion.

I Love You, Bernard Black by Amanda Wood

 

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hawkeye

Dearest Hawkeye,

Oh, would that I could be a nurse at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. How do the rest manage to roll their eyes at you and walk away? How do they just giggle and turn to their friends, unimpressed? I couldn’t possibly! One look my way and I’d be ready to get that whitefish in New Jersey with you, the meal you dreamt of.

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Yeah, I know, that’s a stupid, unoriginal title. But we’ve all been so excited for so long about this reboot! Haven’t you been wondering if it was? If the truth was indeed still out there?

X Files

In spite of the obvious effects of aging, which sent me spiralling into a bout of depression involving my own mortality and the unrelenting march of Time, the show outshines the mutated, ancient façades that Duchovny and Anderson have become (I am so, so sorry guys).

The first two episodes of the new X-Files miniseries have premiered and they started by catching us up to the plot, as if we wouldn’t have all binge-watched the entire series right before the new season started to air. But right after the recap, Agent HOTFOX Mulder briefs us on UFO sightings again, which is perfect for getting us back in the X-Files mood. Yes, I believe you Mulder, I do see the government conspiracy now. I see everything. I see the truth.

I will not spoil things for you friends, so read on.

 

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Say, who’s that girl? That lanky brunette with the wicked jaw? Why, it’s everyone’s favorite lady character from any 1930s film: Nora Charles! But what makes her so great? Lemme tell ya.

Nora Charles

Mrs. Charles is the wife of Mr. Nick Charles in the Thin Man movies. Have you watched any of the Thin Mans? For heaven’s sake, if you haven’t, do so as soon as you can! It was a formative bunch of films that I was exposed to at a young age and immediately realized that Nora was the role model I needed. She was everything I wanted to be some day. Some people consider this to be a fool’s desire because they believe you need modern role models for modern times. Excuse me please but timeless class acts are eternal.

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