norma

Have you ever watched Sunset Boulevard starring William Holden, Erich von Stroheim, and the unconquerable Gloria Swanson? If not, I won’t mind if you open Netflix or find some other method to stop everything you’re doing just to watch it right now. I can wait.

As you (now) know, this film is a masterpiece of cinema which laid bare the cruelty of these things: aging, celebrity, Hollywood, youth, pride, vanity, EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE, and probably some other stuff. I’m not writing a thoughtful essay here! It did nothing to fix any of it, as far as I know, but it is interesting to see how the old silent stars were thought of and treated in the 1950s. I imagine that the cycle continues and the young talent of today considers the actors and actresses of the 80s and 90s to be weird old fossils from another time. I assume that the fate of Norma Desmond is what every actress fears for her future — or maybe kind of wants it, who am I to say?

None of us will ever be as rich as she was, or as influential in any industry, that is a certainty. I have made a little maze so that we can pretend to know what it’s like. From the comfort of your ostentatious manor, embark upon the wobbly journey to your great return. You will encounter all kinds of obstacles from nostalgic reveries to suicide attempts to homicide, but if you can keep your focus, you’ll be in the pictures again. You’ll get the attention you deserve, you icon. You legend.

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We know you love to color, and you know we love to make delightful drawings of ourselves in our ideal lives, living together, as a group of actual friends. In the same place. Ideally, that place is sometime in the 1920s but only for purely aesthetic reasons. According to illustrations of that era, everyone was abnormally thin and lithe. They didn’t walk, they slithered. And that’s how we are too, on some level.

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The Victorians are all too often written off as being an uptight bunch of moral nutjobs who lived in an age to which we must never, ever return. That is basically true. There is a whole lot of stuff that was common in the years between 1837 and 1901 that we would be better off without, forever. A whole lot of stuff. But there is one thing that should make a bold return, and that is “Victorian Parlor Games.”

watch urself

Even though most of the population of the Victorian Age was impoverished and working eighteen hours a day, the middle class formed and luxurious free time started to become available to people outside of the wealthy idle elite. Back then, there weren’t televisions, video games, and apps to waste all of your time with of course, so they had to devise games to play in gentle social settings. They were still joyless and genteel, so they couldn’t just gather and get blasted on booze or the devil weed. Let’s just say that they did their best.

You can do your own research (I love it when you do your own research), or I guess you can just follow this single link I am willing to supply for you, to see for yourself just how they used to do it. Most games seemed to center around getting light-headed or not-laughing. Sometimes those two things would be combined, if they were feeling really full of jolly-beans!

Some day, you may find yourself without electricity. It seems to be a more and more common scenario, as natural disasters are ramping up in devastation, and our infrastructure steadily disintegrates. In some places, even a moderate rainfall could leave you without television channels and with an internet that is so slow that it is worse than not having a connection at all! So, I advise you to print out this article for reference on such times, because you won’t want to use your precious battery all up.

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Around here, we always have lofty goals. We always have had lofty goals! On one such occasion, cchris and I decided for about five minutes that our time would be best spent as a writing POWERHOUSE duo for writing romance novels. I mean, we are both experts, and we have big ideas that should be lucrative. As you can see in this comic, things were actually going incredibly well, and we should write a little of it every day and then release a line of romance novels on Amazon’s self-publishing services. Isn’t that the dream? Isn’t that the reality of thousands of people? Thousands of MILLIONAIRES from their author career paths they’ve chosen. God I mean look at how well I’m writing today!

Clearly this is the best destiny I’ve got going. Click the comic, if necessary.

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huxo

As you must know, YouTube is great for entertainment, but it is also great for learning and for sleeping and for calming downall kinds of things! Little by little, I have been expanding the ways in which I depend on YouTube every single day. I don’t maintain manicured playlists of things which get deleted, nor do I upload my own videos, even though some day I will be a YouTube star of some kind. I mean, isn’t that the modern dream?

One of the things I rely on YouTube for is lectures. Now, don’t get me wrong, I generally hate lectures. In school, I had the hardest time in the world paying attention to a lecturer. And really, when I listen to lectures on here, I am not really paying the best attention. I have listened to dozens of them but I probably couldn’t tell you what they were even about! That’s okay though because I use them sort of as a blend of music and ambient sounds. And my favest of the faves, who I return to time and time again, is Aldous Huxley, as you probably gathered from the title. Give him a try with this little one, if you please.

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We have previously provided some detailed voodoo spell instructions for securing your love. But maybe you want more than love? It is 2017 after all, and love is dumb and we’re pretty sure it was made up by the brothers Grimm. Having a partner is so 2014, and there are more important considerations, such as money or your video games.

Voodoo Dollissa

Gather the necessary materials, put on a stern smirk, and find a quiet, empty room. We recommend doing these fake spells on an altar cloth of some sort. Personally, I use my favorite pillowcase. It’s very cute. Just as before, you’ll have to update your witchery to the modern era for these spells, so get out your smartphone and your social media accounts, your sage, and let’s get down and dirty.

 

 

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31 YEARS OLD

The first documented instance of Dollissa Day was held in Sunrise, Florida, in 1986. Two cultures came together to celebrate this birth event of a teeny tiny Jewish-Puerto Rican baby who was no larger than a thimble. Her small size was a surprise to one and all because a C-section had been ordered. A humble granite marker will soon mark the operating room in which this miracle was performed, courtesy of the enthusiastic support of the entire population of the town.

Being an accomplished world traveler, several locations around the world have shrines dedicated to places where she has sat and complained, and to other places where she has fallen over and injured herself in seemingly impossible ways. From Natal to Las Vegas, including Turks and Caicos, Machu Picchu, Italy, and Israel, good people gather ’round to tell stories of her achievements, and boast of personal contact and interactions that they may have experienced.

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It’s May and that means, without a doubt, that it is Spring! The birds and the butterflies and bees are coming out, along with the flowers, grass, and big leafy trees.

Well, today we’ve got a simple craft you can do to make an adorable bird feeder just in time for your local feathery pals to visit and have a snack. This craft is brought to you by our nonprofit charity Wilder Friends, where we help bring bird feeders and butterfly gardens to public places and to organizations who need it.

feed some friends

 

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colorrrr

Happy birthday, David Attenborough! And happy David Attenborough’s Birthday to all of you out there in Sneeryland. I am sure you all know of this legend, this gift to the world, and have watched all five million documentaries he has been a part of. An inspiration both far and wide, his love of travel and dedication to studying and sharing knowledge about animals and the natural world is a glorious thing to behold, and characteristics we would all do well to embrace, ourselves. Each and every one of us.

Below, you will find a coloring page that shows just a few of the animals he has seen with his own eyes: tortoise, various birds of paradise, zedbra, bat, sugarglider, gerenuk, tree frog, red panda, sifaka lemur, marmoset, monarch butterfly. And one he hasn’t seen alive: the trilobite. Also, behind them all in pieces are forest, desert, tundra, grassland, and marine ecosystems. I tell you this because it might be hard to tell, and might help you in your coloring efforts. This drawing is a loving, yet meager attempt to show just a little of what he has seen, this great man who is very probably the most-traveled human being to ever exist.

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1990s Style

The 90’s decade was a glamorous year for any of us in the teenage bracket. Sure, Seventeen Magazine had “new clothes” that you should buy in order to be popular, but truthfully they were just expensive new versions of the attire the rest of us found in thrift stores, the closets or floors of friends and friends’ family, or, occasionally, pretty much just in the actual street.

 

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