Sure hope you took advantage of the great energy coming from that Super Blue Blood Moon on January 31st! If you did, it will certainly help set the stage for February because we won’t have a Full Moon at all this month. On the 10th, Venus will cozy up to Pisces and we will be less likely to look outside of ourselves and instead focus on spiritual pursuits. Expect that sorta thing till March 6th. We will have a New Moon in Aquarius on the 15th. This would be a lovely time to usher in new projects that are a bit outside the box.

powpow

The Temperance card is coming in for many signs, so I’m feeling the theme is finding our place in the world and how we can best work with and alongside others. With cooperation we can create great things! Also, you may find that you are attracting people into your sphere that charge you up and fluster you a bit at the same time. You can’t quite define it, but you definitely dig it!

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana.

Now for a look into February….

 

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At this point in our lives, in human history, the New Age is feeling pretty old. New Agers are basically great-grandparents or more and who wants to follow in THOSE lifestyles? Not us! And not you, either. It is time for the NEW New Age and what better way than to mash up old trusted things with other equally as old trusted things and then presented in ways that our ancestors couldn’t even imagine, not even with their Free LSD Parties or wheat grass juice diets held for 25 years.

get it get it

Grab your crystals and your multiple computing devices in case you need them and get ready for the latest trends. Don’t get left behind with the fads of yesteryear when you can jump on the latest bandwagon of your choice. We’ve outlined our favorites below but you’ll have to visit Pinterest (we assume) for more information and the strict guidelines.

 

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Get ready to hit that reset button, Baby New Year! New Year, New You! Right from the get go, on the evening of the 1st, there’s a Full Moon in Cancer. Resolve an issue concerning women, motherhood, or family issues. The 9th seems like a particularly powerful day, but there is a warning not to get too cocky because pride comes before a fall. Also, around this time, there may be a temptation to take something to the next level to make your point very clear, but getting rowdy really isn’t necessary. Take extra care not to go overboard with food, drink, or anything really. Moderation is key. Remember that Aesop fable about the tortoise and the hare? Have some patience and you WILL get there. There may be a pull to get all emotional, but it would be wise to stick to the facts. If you are too close to something to be rational, you may need some insight from an unbiased source.

hooray

A new wave of energy is ushered in on the work front during the New Moon on January 17. With Mars going into Sagittarius towards the end of the month, we may find ourselves getting heated and frustrated prematurely. Wait till you know all the details before blowing your top. And then there is ANOTHER Full Moon, this time in Leo which will highlight your creativity and just how much of it you are willing to share with the rest of the world.

 

The 7 of Wands is coming in for most signs. I get the feeling that it is indicative of boundary disputes and people trying to roll up on the scene and change what you have grown accustomed to. Just remember that “no” is a complete sentence. Sometimes though, change can be much needed, albeit uncomfortable.

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana. Now let’s get to the deetz about January!

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Get ready for some crazy zany holiday antics happening this December! The Full Moon in Gemini on the third is urging us to speak the truth about something we have been talking from both sides of our mouths about for some time now, but on that same day Mercury (planet of communication) goes retrograde and urges us to keep a lid on it because someone will without a doubt be offended somehow. The best way to deal with these conflicting energies is to live by the Golden Rule and pick your battles carefully. That’s what I’m going to do! That Mercury Retrograde goes from the 3rd to the 22nd so tread lightly through that time and let us not forget a great rule of thumb is to consider ten days before and after a retrograde. Dang! You still have to live your life. So knowledge is key in order to work with the cosmic flow so you don’t find yourself discouraged from getting knocked down by it. Have back up plans. Mercury Retrogrades can be a beautiful time for reunions and catching and making up with others that we were on the outs with for a bit. On the 18th there is a New moon in Sagittarius, which is a great time to have some light-hearted fun with new friends who just wanna laugh and cut up a bit.

december 2017

King of Cups is coming in for most signs. This makes me think that maybe we need to be especially sensitive with how we are speaking and walking our Truths. Not that one should extinguish their personalities so others are more comfortable and tolerant, but more so that we are civil and compassionate of others stories as well. It would be wise to be especially vigilant during emotionally charged discussions.

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana.

Let’s hop into the December Scopes!

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How was your October? Well, as busy as it was, get ready for November, baby! Get ready for hectic holiday shopping, traffic, and chugging echinacea tea in hopes of warding off colds. I suppose there are many who live for this time of year. Good for you!

whooo

I get an intense feeling about the first week, like it will usher in a bunch of changes for people that will force them to come to a final decision so they can move forward. On the 4th there is a Full Moon in Taurus. It is a great day to decide once and for all to do away with behaviors that threaten your stability. On the 7th, Venus will enter Scorpio so be prepared for all or nothing relationships, but also being drawn to certain types without understanding why exactly. Stay aware of this energy because it sticks around till December. The 11th will give you an opportunity to correct any problems in a very resourceful way. New Moon is in Scorpio on November 18th. Allow some time to connect with Spirit because alone time is going to get scarce from here on out, until like after the New Year. Please be open to seeing the hidden gems in what appears to be difficulties. The 10 of Cups is coming in for lots of signs, which makes me think that many of us will have wishes granted finally!

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana. Let’s get to those November scopes!

 

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Halloween is many things. It is a socialist plot where America is destroyed by letting children accumulate quantities of candy so vast their little pancreases preemptively shut down. It is parents convincing their children that they are about to be eaten by a dracula. It is getting so hopelessly lost in a corn maze that you forget corn can be walked through, and you call 911, and the owner has to give the police officer a map so they can escort you to safety. Unless you’re black, of course. White people will insist that the corn gluten be free range. Having little Kaelybb exposed to anything more pedestrian would be as bad as exposing him to the MMR vaccine.

This is a holiday whose traditions are always evolving. Once it was a religious festival, then a feast for Catholics. Later, all manner of people would carve turnips into grotesque faces, the horror of which led directly to clown makeup and orange spray tans. Someday oldsters will gather the children around the burning piles of Juiceros, Keurig pods, and participation trophies that are our only source of fuel after the ecological crash. They’ll hope it’s dark and cold because it’s October  and not because of the eternal cloud of radioactive ash that always blots out the sun. They’ll tell the shivering, emaciated children tales of shelves with food and what candy was, how we had smart toasters that would tweet at us when our toast was done, complete with a photo of how toasted the bread is. Hashtag #toast. Then the children will draw lots to see who gets eaten, and the elders won’t participate because even now they are selfish, entitled Millennials.

oh no

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As funny as death is, it also has a serious side. It isn’t ONLY fun and games; you owe it to yourself and others to plan for it and treat it as the solemn event that it deserves. I can think of nothing worse than to find out that you do leave a ghost, and that ghost is embarrassed by a lackluster death and shortly-after events. Eternal damnation has many faces.

Many questions arise when one is faced with the great beyond. Where will I be buried? Will my no-good wife and ingrate children have enough money to squander on shit? Will I die while masturbating? As an expert, I will provide you with a few responsible steps to consider when preparing for death.

dr deathtopus

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So how was your September? Mine was a whirlwind of mostly great things, and a girl can get used to this! This month the Full Moon is in Aries on the 5th. Remember that full moons are about things coming full circle and a great time to release and get some closure. So write a letter to someone you have an issue with, get those feelings on paper, and maybe burn it (safely) instead of opening old wounds further. Jupiter is going into Scorpio on the 10th. This will help many of us get a grip on our finances and how we can generate more income. There’s a New Moon on October 19th so maybe put those rose quartz crystals out there and attract some healthy love into your life. Neptune has been retrograde since June and will continue to be until November 22. Many of us have been delving deeper into mystical realms and exploring things that aren’t easily explained. The 4 of Cups upright is coming in for most signs. Makes me feel like there will be opportunities for growth if we dare to accept the challenge.

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As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana.

Now, on with the October Tarotscopes!

 

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The International Co-operative Corporation for Corporate Cash Enbiggenment (ICCCCE) today announced a new initiative described as a “beautification and cultural enhancement project, which would have poor people phased out of existence by 2025.

In a press conference earlier today, ICCCCE Chairman Rich Dubloon said that he’d first noticed the issue when dropping his children off to play with some economically disadvantaged friends they had met during a cultural exchange at their prestigious private school.

“I bought the school immediately, don’t you know. Put a stop to that rot!” said Dubloon. “Now you might call me a right old fashioned sort but I didn’t realise these sorts of scallywags exist, you see! I’d seen them in pictures and at the talkies but damned if I didn’t think they weren’t make-pretend! A contrivance, you see!”

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