Get ready for some crazy zany holiday antics happening this December! The Full Moon in Gemini on the third is urging us to speak the truth about something we have been talking from both sides of our mouths about for some time now, but on that same day Mercury (planet of communication) goes retrograde and urges us to keep a lid on it because someone will without a doubt be offended somehow. The best way to deal with these conflicting energies is to live by the Golden Rule and pick your battles carefully. That’s what I’m going to do! That Mercury Retrograde goes from the 3rd to the 22nd so tread lightly through that time and let us not forget a great rule of thumb is to consider ten days before and after a retrograde. Dang! You still have to live your life. So knowledge is key in order to work with the cosmic flow so you don’t find yourself discouraged from getting knocked down by it. Have back up plans. Mercury Retrogrades can be a beautiful time for reunions and catching and making up with others that we were on the outs with for a bit. On the 18th there is a New moon in Sagittarius, which is a great time to have some light-hearted fun with new friends who just wanna laugh and cut up a bit.

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King of Cups is coming in for most signs. This makes me think that maybe we need to be especially sensitive with how we are speaking and walking our Truths. Not that one should extinguish their personalities so others are more comfortable and tolerant, but more so that we are civil and compassionate of others stories as well. It would be wise to be especially vigilant during emotionally charged discussions.

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana.

Let’s hop into the December Scopes!

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How was your October? Well, as busy as it was, get ready for November, baby! Get ready for hectic holiday shopping, traffic, and chugging echinacea tea in hopes of warding off colds. I suppose there are many who live for this time of year. Good for you!

whooo

I get an intense feeling about the first week, like it will usher in a bunch of changes for people that will force them to come to a final decision so they can move forward. On the 4th there is a Full Moon in Taurus. It is a great day to decide once and for all to do away with behaviors that threaten your stability. On the 7th, Venus will enter Scorpio so be prepared for all or nothing relationships, but also being drawn to certain types without understanding why exactly. Stay aware of this energy because it sticks around till December. The 11th will give you an opportunity to correct any problems in a very resourceful way. New Moon is in Scorpio on November 18th. Allow some time to connect with Spirit because alone time is going to get scarce from here on out, until like after the New Year. Please be open to seeing the hidden gems in what appears to be difficulties. The 10 of Cups is coming in for lots of signs, which makes me think that many of us will have wishes granted finally!

As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana. Let’s get to those November scopes!

 

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Halloween is many things. It is a socialist plot where America is destroyed by letting children accumulate quantities of candy so vast their little pancreases preemptively shut down. It is parents convincing their children that they are about to be eaten by a dracula. It is getting so hopelessly lost in a corn maze that you forget corn can be walked through, and you call 911, and the owner has to give the police officer a map so they can escort you to safety. Unless you’re black, of course. White people will insist that the corn gluten be free range. Having little Kaelybb exposed to anything more pedestrian would be as bad as exposing him to the MMR vaccine.

This is a holiday whose traditions are always evolving. Once it was a religious festival, then a feast for Catholics. Later, all manner of people would carve turnips into grotesque faces, the horror of which led directly to clown makeup and orange spray tans. Someday oldsters will gather the children around the burning piles of Juiceros, Keurig pods, and participation trophies that are our only source of fuel after the ecological crash. They’ll hope it’s dark and cold because it’s October  and not because of the eternal cloud of radioactive ash that always blots out the sun. They’ll tell the shivering, emaciated children tales of shelves with food and what candy was, how we had smart toasters that would tweet at us when our toast was done, complete with a photo of how toasted the bread is. Hashtag #toast. Then the children will draw lots to see who gets eaten, and the elders won’t participate because even now they are selfish, entitled Millennials.

oh no

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As funny as death is, it also has a serious side. It isn’t ONLY fun and games; you owe it to yourself and others to plan for it and treat it as the solemn event that it deserves. I can think of nothing worse than to find out that you do leave a ghost, and that ghost is embarrassed by a lackluster death and shortly-after events. Eternal damnation has many faces.

Many questions arise when one is faced with the great beyond. Where will I be buried? Will my no-good wife and ingrate children have enough money to squander on shit? Will I die while masturbating? As an expert, I will provide you with a few responsible steps to consider when preparing for death.

dr deathtopus

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So how was your September? Mine was a whirlwind of mostly great things, and a girl can get used to this! This month the Full Moon is in Aries on the 5th. Remember that full moons are about things coming full circle and a great time to release and get some closure. So write a letter to someone you have an issue with, get those feelings on paper, and maybe burn it (safely) instead of opening old wounds further. Jupiter is going into Scorpio on the 10th. This will help many of us get a grip on our finances and how we can generate more income. There’s a New Moon on October 19th so maybe put those rose quartz crystals out there and attract some healthy love into your life. Neptune has been retrograde since June and will continue to be until November 22. Many of us have been delving deeper into mystical realms and exploring things that aren’t easily explained. The 4 of Cups upright is coming in for most signs. Makes me feel like there will be opportunities for growth if we dare to accept the challenge.

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As always, consider your Moon and Rising sign in addition to your Sun. What comes through for each sign is general. If you wish to have a more personalized reading, please hit my name in the sidebar which should take you to my Etsy shop or message me on my FB page Tarot By Tonyana.

Now, on with the October Tarotscopes!

 

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The International Co-operative Corporation for Corporate Cash Enbiggenment (ICCCCE) today announced a new initiative described as a “beautification and cultural enhancement project, which would have poor people phased out of existence by 2025.

In a press conference earlier today, ICCCCE Chairman Rich Dubloon said that he’d first noticed the issue when dropping his children off to play with some economically disadvantaged friends they had met during a cultural exchange at their prestigious private school.

“I bought the school immediately, don’t you know. Put a stop to that rot!” said Dubloon. “Now you might call me a right old fashioned sort but I didn’t realise these sorts of scallywags exist, you see! I’d seen them in pictures and at the talkies but damned if I didn’t think they weren’t make-pretend! A contrivance, you see!”

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My word, it’s March! There’s an old saying about March coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb. Looks like there’s some truth to it. At least that is what these Tarotscopes say, which are mostly Tarot readings with just a dash of astrological happenings taken into account. The first week, most of us will be dealing with tons of unpredictability, especially in areas of romance. Then around the 12th, Mercury and Saturn will be squaring off so that’s always plenty of challenges regarding communications. At the same time, there will be a Full Moon in Virgo, so there’s an opportunity to let go of some of the stress that may cause some health issues if you don’t release. When we hold onto negative experiences we leave ourselves vulnerable to bugs that are going around, etc. Old insecurities and issues creep in the next week.

By the time of the New Moon (on the 27th), we will be able to learn from March’s tough love kind of lessons and be wiser because of it. We can start looking towards the Spring and also catching a break or two. The World card is coming up for quite a few signs, so that really makes me think that many of you are really eager to use your talents to improve your environment.

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So as always, these are listed by Sun signs, but I personally find my Rising sign is more telling with these, while some say their Moon is where it’s at. These are general. If you would like to book a more personal reading please contact me and we can set something up. My rates are very affordable. Hit my name in the sidebar or here to go directly to my Etsy shop. You can find various options and deals for readings on there, but you can also contact me by messaging me at Tarot by Tonyana, my Facebook Page.

 

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Here it is, February 2017’s addition of the Tarotscopes. This month ought to be interesting… to say the least. I wanted to put some special emphasis on the first week because Mercury will be squaring Jupiter. That being said, many will be laying big plans and undergoing negotiations. About five seconds on any social media these days you will find there is many a heated debate. The first week can ruin perfectly good intentioned enterprises if we alienate others with arrogance. And that goes for everyone. Remember that what may seem painfully obvious to one may be a mystery to another. We mustn’t get caught up in thinking our way is superior to others’ approach. Plans will crumble if we do that. See the bigger picture instead of being attached to personal agendas and we should all come out smelling like a rose.

Anyways, there’s a Full Moon in Leo on the 10th (a Friday), which should prove wonderful for celebrating Valentine’s early. Leos are typically big spenders. The Moon is in Libra on actual Valentines Day (on Tuesday), so this year you may find more folks than usual doing something special for their main squeeze. If you don’t have that special someone and you would like to call something like that in, the New Moon (February 26) in dreamy Pisces may be the day to state your intentions. Also, the Two of Swords is popping up, so I’m getting the sense that we must draw in what we want as opposed to trying to force our wills.

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As always, these are mainly a result of very general Tarot readings I have separated by sign. I find it helpful to also look up my Rising and Moon sign in addition to my Sun, but hey, you do you. If you would like to book a more personal reading please contact me and we can set something up. My rates are very affordable. Hit my name in the sidebar or here to go directly to my Etsy shop. You can find various options and deals for readings on there, but you can also contact me by messaging me at Tarot by Tonyana, my Facebook Page.

 

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See ya later 2016! HELLOOOO 2017!! That Mercury Retrograde will still be keeping us on our toes until the 8th (maybe give it to the 15th for extra measure). So don’t let delays frustrate, just embrace them instead. On the 12th we have a wonderful Full Moon that will no doubt get everyone jazzed about getting out in the world where the action is. Expect a case of cabin fever.

There will be a New Moon on January and THIS will be what I consider the actual beginning of my 2017! A time to usher in new things and get on with it already. Yay!!! However, with the 8 of Swords coming through so often, it seems like it may not be so easy-peasy. As always, these are general Tarot readings with bits of astrological happening sprinkled in. I have categorized them according to your Sun sign, but look up your Moon and Rising to gain a broader perspective.

January TarotScopes by Tonyana and Sneer Campaign

If you would like to book a more personal reading please contact me and we can set something up. My rates are very affordable. Hit my name in the sidebar or here to go directly to my Etsy shop. You can find various options and deals for readings on there, but you can also contact me by messaging me at Tarot by Tonyana, my Facebook Page. Many Blessings!

 

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