In spite of it being one year since we have owned this house, we’ve never had a housewarming party. So welcome to our virtual housewarming!


A year ago, we acquired this headquarters, this lair, this residential abode, the birthplace of our empire. A lot of things have happened, but none of them have been a party to welcome ourselves. In fact, it seems like the first party is going to be for Amandoll’s birthday, and that’s fine. But that’s why we are having a celebration here on the internet, in this little article. Close enough!

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There are many ways that the natural world can affect and inspire us. My favorite way is through analogy. Thanks, earth. So, if you’re lucky, your friends are a beautiful and sweet-smelling garden of unique and interesting blooms. If you’re lucky, they complement each other’s features and aid each other’s problems. If you’re lucky…

But you’ve got to tend to them and make sure they grow, along with you, as well as they can. You have to make sure they are pruned, watered, fertilized, metaphorically.

Whether you prefer messy, natural looking friendships where you basically scatter everyone around and they flourish as they may. You might choose instead to keep everyone in neat little rows, labeled and organized. Me, I prefer container gardens: everyone kept separate, able to be moved around easily, and doubling as a form of decoration. Friends can be beautiful to the eye, smell great, provide nourishment, and compost.

mah frands


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As we all know, every celebrity has a pet cause, some charity or other philanthropic organization that they tirelessly champion by mentioning it in talk show appearances up to three times. I personally have been long considering becoming a celebrity, although while it would be fun to get paid seventeen million dollars to recite lines in a near-monotone then talk in interviews about “the craft of acting,” the downside is that I would probably have to at least visit California, which means I’d be facing death by mudslide.


However, mudslide relief would not be my charity of choice were I to become a celebrity. No, I have come across something much bigger, something that is an enormous threat to the well-being of our teens. And that something is: Moonflower Abuse.


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