Bodies: We all have them. But what do we KNOW about them? Science suggests that maybe we should know more, whereas religion demands that we know far less. We always side with science here on the sneer campaign, unless it challenges our strict moral codes (haha we don’t have moral codes. C’mon). So clasp our hand parts as we drag you down the twisted, prickly path of learnin’ and we will explain to you the things that school should have covered a long, long time ago. Or, perhaps more accurately, I will expose my horrific ignorance as I tell you about things I never thought about before that it turns out everyone has indeed known since middle school.

huh?

 

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Back when I used to run my old site, one of the strangest results was that I would be personally contacted with requests to review someone’s product. It was shilling for people in exchange for a sample of whatever they were wishing to sell. Back in 2005 or so, one of the most memorable products I was asked to talk up was from Frivolous Entertainment (which I am somewhat surprised to see still exists) to review their DVD party game entitled “Intense Games DVD.”

defunct

It was one of those games that you might see in your local adult gift store in which you would find various juvenile challenges to play with your drunken college friends some night. Things like “do a blowjob on a cucumber” or “take a dump on the hood of someone’s car,” etc — wholesome games that any frat boy or sorority girl would enjoy playing after downing dangerous amounts of liquor. This game however, took things much, much further than what you may be used to seeing in your typical party game. And yes, I know it seems pointless to update a review of something that is over a decade old and I probably own the only remaining copy of. Welcome to my life.

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Your dream is a dialtone that lasts all night.

This game is not new, not at all (it is from at least 2013). But, for the past few years, I (and much of the Sneer cast and crew) just have to play it once in a while. It inspired me to start learning to make a text adventure, three times, before giving up of course, three times. Shoutout to our pal Veeder, who actually makes them, and very well. We give him a lot of shoutouts.

Horse Master game

This is a game of horse training, drug addiction, and fighting to survive in a cruel and unfair world. Horse Mastery like you’ve never known before. The gameplay is very simple. It’s interactive fiction, but you don’t need to type any commands, you just click options or links within the story. More like a Choose Your Own Adventure than other IF games.

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Somewhat recently, fellow resident of the Sneer House, Lisa, and I took a trip to the Midwestern United States’ Largest Flea Market, which is conveniently located just north of Cincinnati. For those of you unfamiliar with the large scale flea market, let me just describe it as an expansive building filled with booths that are full of an array of garbage that is for sale. Some of the booths actually sell quality items, and you wonder what they are doing there, but mostly it seems to be junk that fell off of the back of a truck and these people scavenged it and put low, low price tags on it — or absurdly high price tags. For those of you who ARE familiar with flea markets, you know that the “bottom” in my title means a butt.

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Brought to us by the production company started by the father and son duo of Eugene Levy and Daniel Levy, this is the greatest show for us ever to wait three years to rave about. Schitt’s Creek is a sitcom with the absolute most perfect cast which has ever been cast, along with a premise that showcases their best comedic qualities.

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If you’ve been wondering where Chris Elliot has been lately, he’s currently the Mayor of Schitt’s Creek, a town named after his own family. Roland Schitt is a well-meaning but abrasive local fella who has roots in Schitt’s Creek, his beloved hometown.

The Rose family, an outrageously wealthy foursome, loses their riches due to the actions of their business manager and the only thing that they have left is… the entire town of Schitt’s Creek. Purchased as a joke gift for his son David, the patriarch Johnny Rose bought the town itself just for a silly quip. They move into some motel rooms and try their best to fit in.

 

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hiiiyaaa

Our love of so many wonderful and fantastical things often leads to some of our favorite mashups! For example, Mae West dancing with Davy Crockett or the Goldwarts Girls gathered round the kitchen table like always. On today, one of science’s most exciting birthdays, we’d like to tell you more about Carl Sagan Moon.

The Sagan Scouts represent his literal and imagined drives for Wisdom, Justice, Passion, Courage, Compassion, and all of the rest too. He was a multi-faceted talent, an abundantly well-rounded individual who could very easily be represented by nine pretty versions of himself who would go on to star in many series of mangas and animated shows. Any time we imagine how it could be presented, we wish oh we wish we had control of reality, because it would be our favorite show.

yasss

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November is casually referred to as “NaNoWriMo,” but it and I aren’t close pals, so I’d like to treat it a little more formally — please forgive me. November is also known as “Movember” because some men choose to grow a mustache in order to raise awareness of some men’s health issue and they think that growing unsightly facial hair is better than just educating people with frank discussion, but the novel writing is a better use for a month. Gentlemen, may I suggest that you wake up daily and begin with a shave, and then write your novel about the men’s health issue? I don’t think I even know what the health issue is because I avoid going places where I might see a mustache.

National Novel Writing Month.

This has been going on for years and years, for as long as I can remember on the internet. However, I have never been interested in giving it a try. “What could I possibly write about that could be engaging?” I always wondered. I write nine hundred million words for Sneer Campaign every year in the form of these well-composed articles, but those aren’t NOVELS. Novels are more serious. Novels are respectable. I mean, aside from all of those self-published novels that flood Amazon’s e-shelves. Those weird novels that seem to have been written in a week and never proofread. But I would want to do better than that! Wouldn’t I?

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As funny as death is, it also has a serious side. It isn’t ONLY fun and games; you owe it to yourself and others to plan for it and treat it as the solemn event that it deserves. I can think of nothing worse than to find out that you do leave a ghost, and that ghost is embarrassed by a lackluster death and shortly-after events. Eternal damnation has many faces.

Many questions arise when one is faced with the great beyond. Where will I be buried? Will my no-good wife and ingrate children have enough money to squander on shit? Will I die while masturbating? As an expert, I will provide you with a few responsible steps to consider when preparing for death.

dr deathtopus

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The Victorians are all too often written off as being an uptight bunch of moral nutjobs who lived in an age to which we must never, ever return. That is basically true. There is a whole lot of stuff that was common in the years between 1837 and 1901 that we would be better off without, forever. A whole lot of stuff. But there is one thing that should make a bold return, and that is “Victorian Parlor Games.”

watch urself

Even though most of the population of the Victorian Age was impoverished and working eighteen hours a day, the middle class formed and luxurious free time started to become available to people outside of the wealthy idle elite. Back then, there weren’t televisions, video games, and apps to waste all of your time with of course, so they had to devise games to play in gentle social settings. They were still joyless and genteel, so they couldn’t just gather and get blasted on booze or the devil weed. Let’s just say that they did their best.

You can do your own research (I love it when you do your own research), or I guess you can just follow this single link I am willing to supply for you, to see for yourself just how they used to do it. Most games seemed to center around getting light-headed or not-laughing. Sometimes those two things would be combined, if they were feeling really full of jolly-beans!

Some day, you may find yourself without electricity. It seems to be a more and more common scenario, as natural disasters are ramping up in devastation, and our infrastructure steadily disintegrates. In some places, even a moderate rainfall could leave you without television channels and with an internet that is so slow that it is worse than not having a connection at all! So, I advise you to print out this article for reference on such times, because you won’t want to use your precious battery all up.

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