In my perfect dream world, legendary children’s show Sesame Street would be populated by old time movie stars parodying themselves outlandishly. I think I would have learned better lessons, and learned them better, if it had been this way. Are children supposed to identify with or look up to a fuzzy green monster with a bad attitude? Well maybe they do, but a magically re-animated Greta Garbo would have gotten the job done with so much more melodramatic class.
If I ever get a wish-granting monkey paw, this will be the reality of children’s television programming.
As always, click to see it in the full size. (You can see the other example of Greta in imaginary kids television in our Yo Garbo Garbo post.)
What’s this? The same picture. No, now it’s YOUR picture.
Color us in! Here is a classic Sneer Campaign image, featuring Dollissa and Amandoll for you to design, color, scribble on, and crumple up. Do with us what you will, then show us! If you want to see the original picture, you can find it here: Overindulgent Self-Portrait. As usual, click to make it bigger (and to download and print).
Fred Astaire, American dancing gentleman, is a well-known figure of classic cinema. His films are comfortingly formulaic; you can expect light humor, charming romance, catchy music, and impressive dance routines no matter which of his offerings you happen to be watching. He kept a dedicated team of writers on hand to create hit after hit throughout the 1930s. And indeed, he and his buddy Ginger Rogers starred in these hits, winning awards and creating an on-screen LEGACY.
However, not all of the scripts that came to the table were accepted.
In the year 1935, it was proposed to Astaire and Rogers that they should work together once again in another musical romantic comedy following the patterns of their prior successes. However, this time it would be an historical musical romantic comedy! Plague Year.
We at Sneer Campaign take our promises seriously. We promised you fine journalism, enticing story-telling, adequate comics, fancy paper dolls, and a modest dollop of occasional egomania, among other things. Today, we are going to make good on some of these promises by giving you a dazzling paper doll of our very own superstar, Dollissa the doll-sized girl! For you see, it’s her birthday today, and we like to celebrate important holidays whenever they turn up on the calendar. And aside from my own birthday, I can’t think of a birthday more important than this one.
Take a look at this doll. You might not know her now, but let me tell you − this is a stunning work of pure accuracy. Our sneering writer owns several of these outfits. And yes, she has three cats that she enjoys lugging around when they let her. And what would Dollissa be without a book, a laptop, a tea, AND a coffee? Unrecognizable is what she’d be!
Go ahead and indulge yourself. Click on this image, print it out, and go to town. Cause Dollissa to have some silly adventures. Here are some favorite activities that you can have your Paper Dollissa do:
- watch Seinfeld for several hours, then tell her friends about the episode plots she watched
- play Pokémon cards against her friends; she has about a 50/50 win/loss rate
- drink coffee, and then another coffee; make sure to have a few!
- learn banjo for a few days every few years
- log into IRC, then instead chat with Amandoll on Google Hangouts all day
- put on the Haircut-cat neckscarf and pick up the other two cats; it never works!
- sometimes she goes to work! do a little of that
Distinguished man-shaped amphibian, Benedict Cumberbatch, indulges us today by posing for a portrait in his natural form. Showing off his athletic build which is a necessity on his mostly-aquatic home planet, Bendicthia, the much-lauded actor recently took part in launching an affordable theater ticket scheme, so that more earthlings can experience him directly.
starring Myrna Loy and William Powell
Dipsomania: (n.) an irresistible, typically periodic craving for alcoholic drink
What’s that you say? You wish you had a brand new paper doll to play with? And you wish it would reflect your interests… Or, dare I say, your unhealthy obsessions? Am I talking to you or talking into the mirror? It doesn’t matter because I just wanted to let you know that we have once again cooked up an entertainment doll that the whole world didn’t realize it needed until it clicked into this post! That’s right. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. We have brought you a Secretariat Paper Doll!
Traditionally, these sorts of dolls are fun because you, the child, get to experience the joy of dressing up a human form in fancy clothes. But we are renegades on this site, not bound by convention. We see the world through the clear, almost unsettling lens of the iconoclast. Secretariat is a STAR and you will be pleased to dress him in the fine styles that we have provided. On the page that you will need to print out, you can find such dazzling items as a matching bridle and racing saddle set. The blue checkered hood and blinker bridle makes an appearance, and is there anything that screams “trendsetter” more than a whole-jockey accessory? Included, you will find glamorous flower fashion shawls by such designers as K.Y. Derby, Preakness, and Belmont. Secretariat wore them all. And he looked STUNNING.
There are also a few miscellaneous items for use when you are feeling a little silly. Secretariat was not all business all the time. He retired when he was only four years old after all, so he had decades of goofing off. The giant horse head sized novelty Groucho Glasses represent his fun-loving side. He was often seen wearing them when he had a few too many sugar lumps. Also included are his sideways cap, outrageous necklace chains, and totally funky fresh sneaker shoes: his preferred style while trotting the streets. Finally, you’ll no doubt recognize the glorious angel wings (which you are to cut up along those little white lines and sort of slide onto his back, theoretically. If that doesn’t work, just use chewing gum or something) from And Here Comes Secretariat. These should class up your shrine very nicely, as angelic beings typically bring a taste of High Quality to any event.
Click on the image to go to the real size and print it on out.
The exalted humanoid space creature, Benedict Cumberbatch, thrills us today by sitting for a portrait in his natural form. Showing off a super sexy twin-snake headdress made fashionable by the high priests on his home planet, Cumbrachia, the award-winning actor says he is excited for the imminent birthing of his hybrid spawn with new wife, Sophie Hunter, whose current condition is deemed unfit for public viewing.
We know you want to know more about us, so here are some things: Dollissa would only ever wear faux fur and does like to keep kittens in her coat pockets. Amandoll likes milkshakes but doesn’t really like frivolous scarves, although she will make exceptions here and there.
Stay tuned, as always, for more!