watch out

It seems like everyone goes through a phase of life where they hit that bottle hard, and Billy Holiday is no exception to this. He has some exceptional moments, however. Some peculiarities. For instance, he prefers to become inebriated by way of classic hobo wines. He’s a “Strawberry” Cisco man, for any of you keeping track. He also gets sloshed on what I feel are strange choices, such as brandy and “appletinis.” Who are you, Billy Holiday?

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Born on May 1, 1952, Martha “Calamity Jane” Cannary (or Canary) became a true frontier legend. Many of the claims about this gal were exaggerated, especially the ones she made herself. But she was a strong, memorable old-timey woman. And who knows if she would have found her place among those men without her tall tales.

scream insanity

 

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On April 5, 1908, little Ruth E. Davis was born in Massachusetts. Always strong-willed and determined, she eventually became a great actress in many classic films and even on stage. She is iconic, an inspiration. Her self-esteem is its own legend and her willingness to be forthright and not at all shy about voicing unpopular opinions must have been very liberating. She’s our chosen face of Sneer Campaign, and we reference her in our daily lives as much as we can.

This brings us to this day, one of the most important religious holidays for us. Although celebrated around the world, the suggested activities are somewhat new and traditions are still being formed for St. Bette Day. However, there are some things that are always appropriate. You can do one of these, or do them all in a whirlwind that other people will have to remember for you because you’ll be having too much fun. You’ll have to just remember April 6th, the Day of the Strangely Satisfying Hangover. No regrets!

happy betteday

 

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the Real AlexT

I am a conversation addict. I have been chatting on the internet continuously since 1997 and sometimes I want to stop. Sometimes… But most of the time, I am so entertained that I never, ever want to stop. Not even to sleep! In an effort to make my horrible addiction seem productive and valuable, I sometimes turn snippets of my actual conversations into comics like the one here before you on this day. It makes me feel good and creative and clever and funny, even though mostly it is just showing that I can make simple drawings of my friends who are funnier than I am.

Click on the comic below in order to get a better view of the subtle nuance of our expressions. If you look at it in real size, you’ll feel like you are there! You can imagine the sounds of my arching eyebrows, the smell of AlexT’s wine-soaked words, feel the weight of that last little punchline.

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Dear Bernard,

Hi, please don’t shout at me. I don’t know if you’ll read this when I mail it to you, because you’ll probably leave it in a pizza box somewhere until it becomes alive. I can be your Summer Girl! The one that you wanted. I have hair! I’ll play tennis and wear dresses.

I can even do that dance you do, with you. The one where you hop around while holding your pant-legs up. Yes, the graceful drunken dance that would fill anyone with envy, lust, and confusion.

I Love You, Bernard Black by Amanda Wood

 

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They say “whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” but we don’t believe that at the Sneer Campaign! Maybe it is because we love to share our exciting antics with the whole world, or maybe it is because we have a severe lack of content for this week — it doesn’t matter! What matters is that what you see before you on this page is a hastily slapped together bunch of pictures we happened to take with other Sneerists and assorted friends and family. Imagine that this is basically like when your older relatives come back from vacation and have too many reels of slides for you to sit and look through on the projection screen. Also, imagine that the year is currently 1963.

Amandollissa

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It’s ANY DAY OF THE WEEK and without a doubt every single person who might ever read this DEFINITELY needs to get fit, fast! Faster! Any minute of the day is the right time to inform you that you are blubbery and unsightly and obviously need to start exercising because, honey, that portion control diet that relies on self-control just AIN’T workin’ for you. At least, this is what I have gleaned from watching any television, seeing any magazine, or overhearing anyone trying to make money at the expense of the insecurities of others. And who isn’t, amirite? 

Well let me tell you that THIS article CAN’T fail. It’s my very own method towards a better me, and friends, if I use it, then it HAS to be good. It is also probably based on science because I am wearing a lab coat as I write this. And my name tag says “Dr. Amandoll, nutritionology fitness expert.” It’s not like I do anything else but sit around and THINK all the time, right? So I clearly have all the answers. I think that’s all it takes to make me Qualified, right? Right? Well, if you believe it, it’s good enough for me, and let’s never bring the Courts into it.

exercise

 

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horse show

Cchris seems to spend a lot of time reading archived newspapers on the internet. I do not know why because whenever I ask he either ignores the question or just signs off for prying into his personal life. Ours is a healthy dynamic. He tends to usually read from the 1980s, decade of his supposed youth, or the sleazy 1970s. For no apparent reason, on this day of our conversation, he had taken a newspaper trip all the way back to 1913 in Whitby, Ontario. I guess he read this part to me because he probably is aware that I like horses. Again, I don’t know for sure if that is why he read it to me because he doesn’t answer questions and I didn’t bother to carefully craft a sentence that could ease him into letting his guard down to accidentally reveal a precious clue to his thoughts.

But at least he was able to zing me by the end.

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