I’ve probably just concluded a record amount of backspacing and deleting in a single document as far as my writing career goes. It was brought up that I was more than welcomed, and in fact encouraged, to write up a few or as many words as I wanted on the subject of the passing of “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes. Yes, this is an article that involves a professional wrestler, and if that fact has caused you to scoff, roll your eyes, or do that annoying heavy sniff that people do, then I offer my sincere apologies. It’s very unfortunate that an accident or birth defect caused your head to be firmly planted so deeply into your ass. This is a write-up about a pro “wrassler,” but it’s also about a legend, a hero, and by all accounts an all around good man.
Now I said I had a lot typed up that I deleted, and that’s true. I purposefully waited a bit after the news broke to write anything on this subject, as I wanted to let it all sink in and approach the writing process with a calm head and at least my usual half-assed sort of organization. There have been a lot of matter-of-fact, respectful-yet-emotionless pieces written on Big Dust, and the more I read my “calm, cool-headed” draft, the more I realized I was writing just another fluff piece. While not disparaging in any way, it failed to express my true feelings over this legend and over our tremendous loss. So whatever follows after this sentence is simply one man spewing forth whatever comes to his mind as rapidly as it can possibly be expressed, without a care for whether or not it really makes any sense at all. In other words this is in a fashion befitting Dusty, a man who never experienced a moment of second guessing if something he said made any earthly sense.
What’s this? The same picture. No, now it’s YOUR picture.
Color us in! Here is a classic Sneer Campaign image, featuring Dollissa and Amandoll for you to design, color, scribble on, and crumple up. Do with us what you will, then show us! If you want to see the original picture, you can find it here: Overindulgent Self-Portrait. As usual, click to make it bigger (and to download and print).
We at Sneer Campaign take our promises seriously. We promised you fine journalism, enticing story-telling, adequate comics, fancy paper dolls, and a modest dollop of occasional egomania, among other things. Today, we are going to make good on some of these promises by giving you a dazzling paper doll of our very own superstar, Dollissa the doll-sized girl! For you see, it’s her birthday today, and we like to celebrate important holidays whenever they turn up on the calendar. And aside from my own birthday, I can’t think of a birthday more important than this one.
Take a look at this doll. You might not know her now, but let me tell you − this is a stunning work of pure accuracy. Our sneering writer owns several of these outfits. And yes, she has three cats that she enjoys lugging around when they let her. And what would Dollissa be without a book, a laptop, a tea, AND a coffee? Unrecognizable is what she’d be!
Go ahead and indulge yourself. Click on this image, print it out, and go to town. Cause Dollissa to have some silly adventures. Here are some favorite activities that you can have your Paper Dollissa do:
- watch Seinfeld for several hours, then tell her friends about the episode plots she watched
- play Pokémon cards against her friends; she has about a 50/50 win/loss rate
- drink coffee, and then another coffee; make sure to have a few!
- learn banjo for a few days every few years
- log into IRC, then instead chat with Amandoll on Google Hangouts all day
- put on the Haircut-cat neckscarf and pick up the other two cats; it never works!
- sometimes she goes to work! do a little of that
The exalted humanoid space creature, Benedict Cumberbatch, thrills us today by sitting for a portrait in his natural form. Showing off a super sexy twin-snake headdress made fashionable by the high priests on his home planet, Cumbrachia, the award-winning actor says he is excited for the imminent birthing of his hybrid spawn with new wife, Sophie Hunter, whose current condition is deemed unfit for public viewing.
Snoop was once a dogg, but then he was a lion. He may or may not be a dogg again, as his new album will likely reflect next month. But on the inside, he has grown into a lion, and that is what he is to me − UNTIL!
The evolution of America’s preeminent entertainer-type human Pokémon is a story known to all. But I am here to promote the idea that formed in my head last night before I fell asleep that it is foolish to believe that this is his final form. I have many guesses as to what Snoop will become next, but I have opted to draw what I feel is the likeliest scenario. Click to make it bigger!
Now we wait. But we can take comfort in knowing that it is only a matter of time until Snoop Butterflyy flutters highest among the stars, creating #1 instant hit songs about butterflizzling his nizzle. Or your nizzle. Or the nizzles of all, most likely. He’s that kind of guy.
We know you want to know more about us, so here are some things: Dollissa would only ever wear faux fur and does like to keep kittens in her coat pockets. Amandoll likes milkshakes but doesn’t really like frivolous scarves, although she will make exceptions here and there.
Stay tuned, as always, for more!
Here she is in some of Yeezy’s new Adidas fashions.