Picture it, you’ve just moved into a beautiful new home in a safe and happy neighborhood with manicured lawns. You’ve unpacked all your essentials, changed your address, and turned on your utilities… now it’s time to make an impression. A big one. You want your new neighbors to know how charming, intelligent, and definitely innocent you are.


We’ve gathered a few ways that you can really make a name for yourself in your new town, while only raising a little bit of suspicion, instead of a lot. Say hello to your new neighbors in a way that violently screams, “I LIVE VERY CLOSE TO YOU NOW.” It’s a lot of work, but so is the social contract of a suburban neighborhood.


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It is fun to live in a house. Really fun! There’s lots of places to go and hopefully a yard and you don’t have to pay rent, ideally. Well, not if you own it.

It’s hard to buy a house though. About a year ago I vowed to buy one on an impulse. Apparently that is impossible. There are all sorts of obstacles and paperwork and discouraging people, leaving an impulse buy a difficult option for you even if you can figure it out at all.

Lucky for all of you, I have done all the hard work. I have narrowed it down to five steps in order to secure your dream house.

choose house


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