It surprises no one, I’m sure, to discover that my secret hidden talent and life path dream is to become the slogan generator of a tourism board somewhere — anywhere! My old pal Esther came to me one day, long ago, with news coming from that harrowing icy land that is so very, very far away. It was a genius effort on their part to generate interest, I’m sure. And that’s all! So I decided to help, too. Then I decided to REALLY help by making it a comic that other people might actually see. I’m sure I didn’t need to convince Esther all that much, after all.
Click on the comic below if you want to see the adorable detail or whatever. And Siberia, you can thank me later for the good I have done here.
It’s finally time to embark on a journey to the land of Sneer! Unlike most conventions that are typically set in one city per year, or even the same city, the SneerCon will be traveling the world with all the best that Sneer Campaign has to offer. Hey, we want to travel! Admission is free with only your eternal devotion.
Welcome back to our monthly comic series, Doofus and Darling. If you had Highlights for Children magazine when you were young, you’ve seen Goofus and Gallant. If not, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.
The first documented instance of Dollissa Day was held in Sunrise, Florida, in 1986. Two cultures came together to celebrate this birth event of a teeny tiny Jewish-Puerto Rican baby who was no larger than a thimble. Her small size was a surprise to one and all because a C-section had been ordered. A humble granite marker will soon mark the operating room in which this miracle was performed, courtesy of the enthusiastic support of the entire population of the town.
Being an accomplished world traveler, several locations around the world have shrines dedicated to places where she has sat and complained, and to other places where she has fallen over and injured herself in seemingly impossible ways. From Natal to Las Vegas, including Turks and Caicos, Machu Picchu, Italy, and Israel, good people gather ’round to tell stories of her achievements, and boast of personal contact and interactions that they may have experienced.
Anyone who has enough money can jetset. And anyone who has the ability to save up for large expenses and has worked at their job long enough that they can have paid vacations can travel abroad can enjoy tourism in various places, for various reasons. And anyone who is like me can just pick up and stay with friends for weeks or months in any place where the friends live. I will tell you how!
My first memory of befriending an outdoor cat was a long time ago, but I’m not sure how old I was. Age twelve maybe? This was probably the only one in this story that was likely someone’s cat, just living outside. It was Florida and we were moving into a new house. I think we met a realtor at one house, in some sort of gated community. There was a cat outside and I wanted to touch it, so I tried to make friends with it.
The cat seemed friendly enough, it walked toward me and we seemed pretty okay with each other. After some calm and successful petting, I made a mistake I have not repeated to this day. I picked her up.
I have a lot of reasons or excuses for why I picked her up. She was being friendly and calm. She may have been a pet. I wanted to. But those reasons did not prevent the torso-length scratch from the cat trying to escape over the back of my body after hearing a loud noise. Somehow she ran up the front of me and down my back.
It stung a whole lot, of course. If you have never been scratched by a cat, imagine a paper cut that someone pissed in. But I forgive you, cat whose permission I did not have to lift and hold tightly against my body like a newborn baby or a taco box. Scratches heal.
As we sat around the figurative sneer round table, counting all the reasons we are thankful, it dawned upon us that the source of many of our blessings is the one and only Dollissa, co-founder of this site. But who or what IS Dollissa? What function does she provide in our group dynamic? Quite simply, she is the living embodiment of charm, beauty, nature, human creativity, and charity. She is all three of the Graces of ancient mythology, and sometimes more than that!
What has she given us lately? Say, in the past twelve months?
- Liquid, life-saving nourishment that is easy to digest
- Inspiration to go on another day
- A whole house
- Tickets for traveling
- Cropped pictures of cat feet
- Charitable donations that benefit the world
- Billion dollar ideas
- Exposure to new music
- A gambling habit
- Sound financial advice
- Quality content
- Another year of the sneer campaign
- Free cat hair
- Polaroid camera
- Information on any episode of any tv show
- Real fly shoes
- Ten thousand laughs every week
- And a lot more but I’m running late
So thanks, Dollissa! Thanks a WHOLE BUNCH. Here’s a depiction of you in your true form as a gift. Thxu
Dear Readers: As we know now, the history of our modern world can be divided into two segments, Before Pokémon Go and After Pokémon Go. This post by our newest fabulous guest writer, Justice Jane, was written B.P.G. if you are wondering why it still explains why people might run around playing an augmented reality game. This post is about Ingress, the beloved predecessor of Pokémon Go. Our apologies to Ms. Justice for not also posting it B.P.G.
I started playing Ingress maybe a month or two ago, after several prompts from my boyfriend, an avid player of the game. He picked a team for me, set me up, and never, for a moment, thought that I would actually start playing. To his surprise, I did, perhaps out of boredom, or perhaps out of that sheer determination that appears out of nowhere when someone you love doesn’t think you’ll do something. To my surprise, I enjoyed the game. It’s cool, really. You get to feel a bit like a spy, and walk around a lot outdoors while only minorly feeling like you’re wasting your life. No more than usual, in my case.
After a month or two of playing, I was informed of a big event the organisers of the game were hosting in Sydney. Apparently it was called an Anomaly, and such events happened around the world on a regular basis. Being based in Adelaide, Sydney is a fair plane trip away, but not far from doable. I thought about it, but then, given that I had a trip planned to Sydney a mere 3 weeks after the Anomaly was set to happen, I passed up on the opportunity. My plans were changed when someone offered up a free plane ticket. I am known amongst my friends and associates as the type who has trouble passing up anything free, much less a plane ticket to Sydney. I thought about it for about twenty seconds, before putting up my hand, shrugging my shoulders and deciding that I was going.
photo by Michael Deegan
They say “whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” but we don’t believe that at the Sneer Campaign! Maybe it is because we love to share our exciting antics with the whole world, or maybe it is because we have a severe lack of content for this week — it doesn’t matter! What matters is that what you see before you on this page is a hastily slapped together bunch of pictures we happened to take with other Sneerists and assorted friends and family. Imagine that this is basically like when your older relatives come back from vacation and have too many reels of slides for you to sit and look through on the projection screen. Also, imagine that the year is currently 1963.
While I am here in Las Vegas, I can’t help but have that ol’ Frank Sinatra on my mind. This was the known stomping ground of the legendary Rat Pack, and like them or love them or hate them or maybe don’t even know anything about them, they did exist.
Whippersnappers, you have probably heard Frank Sinatra without even knowing it. Have you ever seen a little show called Married… with Children?? (probably not, if you already don’t know who Sinatra is). Well that’s his song as the theme song. Or that New York song about spreading the news. How about that one?