If there’s one thing we can count on humanity for, it’s us doing what we think is best for us at the moment no matter what. For example, studies show that two-thirds of all automobiles in junkyards have worn-out horns but blinker bulbs that have never been used. In fact, no turn signal bulbs have been manufactured in the United States since 1961; they’re just pulled from scrapped cars and put directly into new ones. The cockroaches that shall inherit the Earth from us in about five years will still be using them in their vermin wagons.

Many people, estimates vary from approximately 1 to 99 percent, believe in some form of spirituality. This can take many forms, from collecting weapons-grade scented candles to replacing the exhaust system on your lifted full-size crew cab pickup with devices that make the engine louder and spew black smoke like a violently deadlocked papal conclave. The Romans believed in a single specific god for just about each and every specific element of their lives, because they stole it from the Greeks. So I’m stealing it from the Romans, because the Greeks gave us pitas [citation needed]. Here are some of the gods who help us through modern life. The previous list can be found here.

 

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