You are all familiar with the hit Netflix show Stranger Things, right? That wonderful show has really cheered me up and given me hope for humanity, despite the Demogorgon and the Shadow Monster. Lately in my car I have been rocking out to Depeche Mode, which makes me think of the ‘80s, which of course is when Stranger Things take place. I got to thinking, “what if each ST character had a DPM theme song?” I think it could happen.
I’m gonna be right up front about this:
I can’t dance.
There is no certain reason for this I suppose, maybe it’s because my body has about as much rhythm as a sun dried catfish, or maybe it’s the fact that the last time I even attempted to dance I was nearly dragged from the dance floor by my nostrils. But I’m going to guess the number one reason is that I am a 38 year old white guy who spends the majority of his time as far away from the club and dance scene as possible. It all comes down to wanting to fit in and feel comfortable where ever you go, and when I’m in a club with a bunch of sweating “young people” gyrating to enough bass to level a small third-world country, I do not fit in.
What would summer be without a playlist of summer jams? Music is an important part of a complete, balanced summertime, and we wouldn’t be caught DEAD without a soundtrack for our memories. Strap on your headphones or nail in your earbuds, whatever your preference, install Spotify if you haven’t already, and listen along with us. Then, in the future, any time you hear any of these songs, you can think fondly of us at Sneer Campaign, and how swell we were to try to make the summer of 2017 a brighter place for you and the whole wide world.
We love you.
You might see these around sometimes in old people’s homes, on the street, or under the bed of some guy you met at the bar. They’re usually black circular thin discs, sometimes with a sticker label with nonsense words. But what are they?
Originally created as a sort-of frisbee, they did not catch on much. The strange method of production however, resulted in millions and millions being pressed. Many records (heh heh heh) of what was done with them since then have vanished but we can find some clues in the haphazard piles people leave behind. From what we can tell, these were once available from places called Urban Outfitters and a place called CBGBs. The last remaining mention of CBGBs indicates it was an eatery at Newark Airport.
Woo! Womenfolk! Aren’t we great? Don’t we deserve at least equal amounts of respect and admiration? Politics! Identities! Inherent natures! The good news is that while we are busy being women, we can listen to music either by other women we happen to respect who have musical talent or maybe it is actually music that inspires us and gives us a little of that ol’ pride. Good job, us, for being the fabulous gender. Good work, us, because we can’t be wrong about how to be ourselves!
Music makes moods. Everyone needs to get into the spirit of the season so we decided to scare up some holiday appropriate music for you! Now, a lot of this is not our normal listening pleasure. As it turns out, a lot of “Halloween Music” is goofy! Wacky songs describing absurd monster parties and little jaunty tunes about skeletons or whatever don’t really inspire a person with a thrill of terror suitable for the time. However, sometime in the past, it was decided that Halloween Music should be silly, and preferably some version of rockabilly. Call us crazy, but we don’t think the saxophone is a particularly ghostly instrument, but whatever.
So we have added some good old-fashioned Satanic music, and music that causes one to think of death and dying. It’s good to have a mix. Organs, harpsichords, waltzes, and lamentations feature in these songs. And also we included some popular hits, and Aleister Crowley. Who doesn’t love that guy? Listen with us.
There’s nothing really very good about concerts; they sound just like the recorded version. Just kidding, they sound great! It’s really cool to be able to see a band that you love performing live. The energy is amazing, a crowd of people who love music – the same music, and the delightfully frustrating merch table. But, there are too many bad things about them that they’re almost not worth it. They’re not worth it. They’re never worth it. They’re never, ever worth it.
On top of being too short, there are too many people, it smells like stale beer, that stale beer costs too much, you’ll probably have to endure a weird opening act, and good luck having a forgettable time in the bathroom.
The other day, I saw a “humorous internet meme” of a sort where there is a slightly altered popular lyric from music placed into an image. In this instance, that really annoying and mostly inaccurate song by Alanis Morissette about irony was paired with a little cluster of plague doctors. “Isn’t it bubonic?” one seemed to ask. Others said it was too bubonic, etc. It was cute, I suppose. The plague doctors were cute ones. Although, I feel very strongly that a herd of plague doctors wouldn’t speak to each other in such a way. They would just smell of medicinal herbs and stare at the chaos surrounding them. There would be leathery sounds as they moved around because their doctoring breeches and shoulder-high doctoring gloves are made of leather. No banter. No song parodies.
Luckily for us all, I am a plague doctor only in spirit, and have no qualms with writing morbid Black Death focused lyrics, and even speaking them out loud! And as much as I would enjoy forming a plague doctor themed band to perform dozens of songs such as this, I respect and admire the real historical figures far too much. So I will just draw out the words in big images such as the one provided below.
In the making of this playlist, for a second we thought that maybe we would assemble about fifty truly patriotic songs, largely featuring the songs they made us sing in elementary school. But then we realized that fifty is actually a big number when it comes to things like that. And I listened to a lot of Rage Against the Machine in the 1990s so it probably would have started to go terribly awry once we started trying to find good songs about Freedom. But then we realized that we could just add one song for every state, including Washington DC!
So put on this list and experience three hours and five minutes of the beauty and majesty of this country. Appreciate the variety of sounds as you appreciate the variety of this melting pot nation. Take an aural road trip of the mind and burst with pride if you are American, or burst with whatever emotion you want if you aren’t, or if you are angstily counter-culture. You are free – FREE! – to feel whatever you want. We will salute you and set off a firework. Wonder at the reasoning behind what we selected to represent a particular state.