Honor, stalk, creep out — whatever you want to call it, this loving activity that you can do publicly or very much in secret, with the subject being a dear friend, acquaintance, or total stranger, is a cathartic creative process. We of course know all about what to do and how to do it with a mastery of style and much enthusiasm and we would like to teach you, the whole world, how to do it too.

In my demonstration today, I will use our friend, Frant. It is his birthday and he is deserving of all of the heavy-handed, cloying, and terrifying respect that we can lob his way. The goal is to make anyone you wish to adore feel like they are drowning in it, if they were to find out. “It” could here mean “the pleasure of being worshiped” or “the fear of being trapped somehow.” Different people give rise to different scenarios, but we know that unlike cchris, Frant will enjoy this. At least HE HAD BETTER.

we love you

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We have a lot of fears. Some make sense; others, not so much. This latter type will be featured once monthly until we run out of material, at which point, we might begin accepting the fears of our readers. 

cchris

I love describing my dynamic with cchris to anyone who has a moment to listen, because I never have been able to understand it. I even mention it on here as much as I can, partly because it’s part of my character makeup, and partly because I really am that bewildered by it. Over the years, things have shifted and changed. When I realized that he is very mysterious, my imagination occasionally will step in and try to figure out WHY. Who is so good at not giving out personal facts? For this many years? Is it villainy? Is it because there’s nothing there? Is it to appear more interesting? What is there to hide, and if there is nothing to hide — WHY.

The irrational fear depicted in the comic has OMGJeremy to blame. Apparently he thinks that cchris and I write similarly, and maybe it is HIS irrational fear that I am pretending to be this whole other person. When he first told me of this, I did have a little while where I might have been horrified and fearful at the possibility. That would be world-shattering to realize. But I guess I don’t fear it, exactly. If it turns out it’s all been in my head, that’s almost impressive. I could live with it. I could live with having made a little Canadian Tulpa. That’s fine. Whatever. I would just like to know for sure before I die of old age.

As previously mentioned in The Habbo Diaries parts one and two, some of us were recruited into the workforce, for various places, with, well… pretty similar positions. None of us received any wages, in-game or otherwise. Nor did we receive any furni for our time. But we worked. We worked hard.

Habbo Hotel Workforce

The purpose of the Habbo workforce eluded me; it was not affiliated with Official Habbo. They were run by people, kids I assume? I also never understood how they were funded. They had dozens of rooms with what must have been hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of furni. I didn’t get it and I didn’t get to the bottom of it. But we tried our darnedest, by spreading out our jobs and expertise throughout the Habboverse.

 

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I have been drowning myself in video games, lately. This is quite unusual as I generally try to avoid them. Modern video games tend to nauseate me with the way they move; even the good ones will give me a mild headache. I am having a mild headache right now, actually. I am on a break from this one game I found in my friends’ old stack of games. It is called “Fable.” I am playing it miserably, and am not good at quests and keeping track of what the plot even is. But I enjoy the ways you can interact with the other people. I started out being very Good, and people would cheer for me as I walked along. But then, my good pal Brian influenced me in terrible ways.

old game

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The International Co-operative Corporation for Corporate Cash Enbiggenment (ICCCCE) today announced a new initiative described as a “beautification and cultural enhancement project, which would have poor people phased out of existence by 2025.

In a press conference earlier today, ICCCCE Chairman Rich Dubloon said that he’d first noticed the issue when dropping his children off to play with some economically disadvantaged friends they had met during a cultural exchange at their prestigious private school.

“I bought the school immediately, don’t you know. Put a stop to that rot!” said Dubloon. “Now you might call me a right old fashioned sort but I didn’t realise these sorts of scallywags exist, you see! I’d seen them in pictures and at the talkies but damned if I didn’t think they weren’t make-pretend! A contrivance, you see!”

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Halloween parties are mostly awful. It’s unfortunate, but it is basically how things work. The main cause for just about every shitty Halloween party is the fact that you have to invite your friends. Face it: your friends fuck everything up, even Halloween when given the opportunity. What should be a fun gathering of semi-drunk friends will almost always end up with someone vomiting on your cat, sexual harassment charges for the guy that tried to eat candy corn out of some girl’s bra, and unusually large amounts of property damage that no one wants to pay for. This isn’t even counting the amount of time it takes you to prepare the entire thing, which is more like carefully building the Jenga tower up just to watch it all fall down within three minutes. In the end, it’s just not worth it. Especially for a group of people that probably won’t remember it come morning anyway. So if this is what we can expect, why not at least be able to enjoy ourselves at the expense of these assholes anyway?

This is where we come in. Today we’ll give you all the advice you could ever want about how to host a Halloween party that will be just as much sadistic fun for you, as it is un-fun for everyone attending. After all, it’s your house. Why not be able to torture all that dare enter? Below you’ll find more than enough tips and tricks to make your Halloween party the most fun YOU’VE ever had at one. Just don’t expect anyone to talk to you for a while after. Hey, that’s another plus! So get to reading!

halloween party

 

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Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present…

evil overlord

 

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snack talk

We all have our peculiarities, each and every one of us. And we all have our differences. And everyone has had that experience where a friend isn’t even confiding something weird to you, because they don’t even realize it’s weird, but when they tell you about it, things change between you a little. You get a little grossed out and perturbed by learning of this new friend fact. I think that actually happened to both Dollissa and I way back in 2013. We both revealed something that made the other step back a little (although Dollissa was not judgmental in an outward, apparent way). Obviously we overcame this drama because you are on this site now, so we did remain friends after all. But things were sketchy for a few days following this conversation!

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Another Presidents’ Day has come and will soon be gone, ladies and gentlemen, and I find myself feeling a little older and wiser because of it. Presidents’ Day is a blissful time of year, a glorious holiday that has retained its quiet dignity. Very little commercialism surrounds it. We are not inundated by P.D. cartoons, mascots, hassles, guilt. In fact, it is mostly ignored. Between Valentines Day and Chinese New Year, mid-February is an active time of planning and celebrating.

I think it is time for a change! Let’s remove focus from that pink and red heart-shaped atrocity known as Valentines Day – who needs it anyway – and begin celebrating Presidents’ Day the way it should be celebrated! I think that it being mostly known as yet another day when the lazy postal workers get to not deliver our precious mail, and one more day when mattress salesmen get to host a SALE SALE SALE, is a shame and a tragedy. There have been many great men among our list of 44 or so Presidents. And many not-that-great men, too.

Scientists tell me that Americans know only a handful of our president guys. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are seen everywhere you look, and Jefferson, FDR, JFK, Ted Roosevelt, and some of the more recent presidents are also pretty famous, too. But what of the early 1800s? What did they have to offer? And the late 1800s, what about them? They had their characters and their scandals, but they go by largely unnoticed by Joe or Jane Anybody. Historians are the only people both good and brave enough to write books for other historians to read, books about these commanders-in-chief, so that they do not fade into obscurity. But I don’t want the historians to fight the good fight alone! I want to help them!

In the future, I will help create a world where Presidents’ Day is marked by parades, and themed parties where people dress up in costumes modeled after their favorite presidents. I will contribute with various desserts and appetizers which actually look like the presidents, or maybe will represent the snacks that they are recorded to have actually enjoyed. There will also be cards sent and given to each other. That is how I have helped this year. I have made a handful of cards highlighting the faces and one short quote from some of the lesser-loved presidents. These cards are drawn on MS Paint and would include the accompanying text on the backs, if MS Paint allowed there to be backs. In fact, these are more than simple greeting cards, these are modelled after collectible Wildlife Cards that you might have gotten as nerdy children who were interested in zoology. I couldn’t have been the only one!

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Making vision boards, or dream boards, is a great way to get your thoughts down and to tell the universe that you are ready for the things you deserve to come your way. Since the new year just started, it’s the perfect time to start to visualize the way you want 2016 to go.

Vision Boarding

It may seem like a daunting task at first to determine your goals, how to represent them, and then create your board. But it’s the fun part, I swear! Just follow our simple directions and you’ll be well on your way to realizing your dreams.

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