Have you ever woken up from sleeping and found that you have fresh memories of just doing something, somewhere that is not in your pajamas in bed? Have you felt insane because of these “false memories”? Well don’t feel insane, because what you have experienced is a very common thing called “dreaming.” Everyone does it! Even dogs and cats.

Dreams use a part of your brain called the Imagination Zone. When this zone is activated, imagination glands crank out a slime that gives you creative thoughts. Sometimes, it is used when you are awake, in order to imagine solutions, or to predict possible consequences. The Imagination Zone is the bustling factory that allows you, after enough practice, to imagine absurd scenarios that are very impossible, but generally fun.

ok yes

When you sleep, it is not really a little death. Your body still lives without you wakefully monitoring it, and this includes the zone mentioned in the last paragraph. While you sleep, it still produces thoughts and visions. Although without your conscious mind cautioning it for being too zany, it will go off the rails and sometimes even throw house parties even though it is a factory setting. But a factory location can be the best place to host a party, didn’t you know?

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whatta stud

The man they call “Tom Parker” is an arteest of the highest caliber. His illustrations are intricate and contain many straight, precise lines which are very difficult to achieve, at least in my experience. This guy, let’s call him “Tomp” because I’m sure he would prefer that we did, specializes in dizzying amounts of detail. The illustrations are amazing, they are magically whimsical, and they are purty. In fact, you can go ahead and join his big fat fan page, for big fat fans regardless of their appearance and medical records. The page is brimming with supporters who gather in screaming throngs whenever he makes a post, and he does make posts. Plenty of them! He is an entertainer on the Facebook platform. Join the Tomp Party.

But I’m not actually shilling him in general. I am here to shove these links in your face. Links like this one right here: a link. Would you look at that?? One of his fancy drawins has been made into a high quality picture puzzle!

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have it

Allegedly, engaging in word games, brainteasers, and various types of puzzles is a healthy activity.We love health! We love activity! It keeps your mind sharp. It staves off senility. And, most importantly, it is a nifty little diversion from all of life’s many little stresses. Some people hate crosswords, be they standard or cryptic. Other people love them! Personally, I don’t really like word searches, but I sure made one for you to do!

In fact, I decided to be a big shot today and make a fun activities page for your pleasure and benefit, because I’m nice like that. Print these out, copy them into a drawing program and do them there, do them silently, all in only your mind — whatever suits your fancy. Just have some semblance of fun and I will feel satisfied.

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So text adventures are all the rage! Okay, maybe not all the rage but we love them here at Sneer Campaign. If you don’t know what these even are, it’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure on a computer. Our friend Veeder has made some very excellent games. He’s a powerhouse of adorable and hilarious stories.  He even has one that’s made to show you how to play these sorts of games!

We’ve started to make two different ones for our hundreds of fans to get into, but we didn’t finish them because boy are they hard to complete. It requires some creative plot-twisting, know-how, and moxie. We have the moxie, at least.

plz

 

We have been pooling our ideas and do hope to follow through at some point and make a Sneer text adventure for all you people. One where you can choose what sort of adventure we get up to, running from dragons or solving a mystery, investigating cold case murders that aren’t so col after all, or even exploring ancient ruins. Will we be in outer space? Will we be time traveling? The choice will be yours!

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The other day I went down to my basement for some hot Duck Hunt action. As usual, the NES just blinked and wouldn’t let me play, like it does every time since that beautiful day it created a small carpet fire from being on for two days straight. But I really didn’t want to make the trip upstairs again, so I looked for something nearby to occupy my attention for an hour or so. After a few moments of looking around, some boxes caught my eye. Hurrah! Nothing says “fun” like random old boxes! But as I came closer, I realized that these were no ordinary spider-infested cardboard boxes. No, to my shock, these were a bunch of old board games. I figured these would require special attention, so I found the nearest rickety chair and pulled out the bottom game from the dangerous, towering stack to see what awaited me.

whoopsidoodles

When I regained consciousness, lying in a pile of little coloured houses and paper money, I found that I had stumbled on several of my very favourite board games that I owned when I was a child. I looked at them and wondered why I had ever stopped playing these cherished games of mine that I had grown so attached to before my parents gave in and bought me a Nintendo. The other kids may have mocked and ridiculed me, but the fun I had with these board games were more than enough to drown out their hurtful words. Well, most of them anyway. Looking them over, my brain filled with memories and I immediately starting playing every game I could find until I became tired and jaded — even MORE than I normally am!

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Do you have RFD-TV? Have you ever even heard of it? It is a television station devoted to rural living and rural concerns. I know you city slickers out there just scoffed out something like, “what, so like, shows about corn and tractors?” Yes. That’s actually exactly right. Throw in a little casual gospel music and perhaps talk of quilting, and that’s it. It is a wonder of a channel, let me tell you.

Back when I was a younger sort of person, I would visit my parents, or be living with them, depending on the year or month of that time of my life, I discovered this station and its outstanding, high-quality programming. Sometimes they would speak of corn — which is more interesting than you probably are willing to believe, and sometimes they would teach you how to teach horses. That was more interesting to me, although just as relevant to my day to day existence.

they all look the same

I didn’t really have a particularly favorite show, however. RFD-TV was like that strange channel that featured snippets and clips of audio visual “art.” You would just tune in and tune out, as they say (do they say that?), as you just vacantly watched footage of fields and a rural voice speaking. But then one magical day, I caught the Big Joe Polka Show. I was infected by the RFDTV BJPS Bug!

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Somewhat recently, fellow resident of the Sneer House, Lisa, and I took a trip to the Midwestern United States’ Largest Flea Market, which is conveniently located just north of Cincinnati. For those of you unfamiliar with the large scale flea market, let me just describe it as an expansive building filled with booths that are full of an array of garbage that is for sale. Some of the booths actually sell quality items, and you wonder what they are doing there, but mostly it seems to be junk that fell off of the back of a truck and these people scavenged it and put low, low price tags on it — or absurdly high price tags. For those of you who ARE familiar with flea markets, you know that the “bottom” in my title means a butt.

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Time for another old real life on the internet conversation comic! This time it is starring that always-delightful Kevin friend of mine. Kevin “KayFlay” Flasch-in-the-Pan. He’s definitely the star here, as you see that I am caught swirling after him, helpless in the wake of his caprices — merely a supporting character. A target.

kayflay

Kevin is a very good friend of mine, and maybe some day he will write for us. In the meantime he can occasionally generate content in the forum of conversations with me where he basically mentally and emotionally abuses me because that is apparently a hobby of his. He is the sassiest person. This is what friendship looks like to me and is it any wonder that I don’t form close bonds with people??

You probably won’t need to click to see things bigger for this comic, but you can if you want to. I believe in providing you with options.

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I am not a person who is given to complaint — don’t believe anything you might hear from the rumor mill! Vicious lies. In my daily living, I am not about to complain about regular human error. Mostly I am thinking that if I am served the wrong food, because I don’t have any outrageous food allergies or restrictions, I will just eat it because I would rather not waste food. And I guess I would rather not make a big fuss over it. Although I just realized that they probably would let me eat for free so maybe next time, if it ever happens again, I will say something! Witness my character growth in the very first paragraph in real time.

me a lot

However, the point of this article is to tell you the story of this one time when I felt WRONGED. I was misled by packaging. So I went after the Kroger corporation in the only way I could figure out that didn’t involve speaking on the phone or to anyone’s face. I wrote an angry letter, just like an old person.

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