A third contender on the Sneer Cryptic Crossword scene arrives! Veeder enters the arena with a possibly difficult puzzle for you to do battle with. When you are cryptic crossword masters like we are, it’s hard to tell if something is difficult, of course. B) But still, if you wanna reach the top, you gotta solve ’em all. Actually, honestly, it was hard to tell if this was very difficult, or very easy once you think of the theme. There IS a theme.
If you are new to the endeavor, you can read the introduction to our first one, which is probably all you need?
Apparently driven by molten jealous fury, cchris broke his frosty content contribution silence on the same day that AlexT‘s crossword appeared. He vowed to make one for us to post, too, after he learned “what they even are!” So he’s slithered in with a puzzle about 200 times harder than the last one. Special Hint: the answers are all about cchris! So we hope you’ve been paying attention or even stalking him! (If you have been stalking him, please contact me so that we can share notes.)
Also, horror alert: one of the clues is extra special next level difficult, even for those of us who do these puzzles for fun (even though we are like baby novice skill level), even for those of us who have been talking to him like every day for the past thirteen years. Actually that probably speaks more of how mysterious he is than anything. You know those cold case files and unsolved murders that people still like to try to crack? Well, I’d say that even the Zodiac Killer has nothing on cchris.
Also, if you don’t know how to do these, go to the Inaugural Cryptic Crossword post and read the paragraph AlexT provided.
In the United States, as soon as winter gives way to spring, the birds start singing, the flowers begin to bloom, and every town, village, and city finds itself littered with price-tagged used belongings of its citizens who are in the throes of “Spring Cleaning Madness.” After the spring rush, the yard sales continue for various reasons: moving, destitution, punishment, masochism, and so on. Families are torn apart as they decide what items no longer hold any value, sentimental or otherwise, and then they come back together as they brave the onslaught of bargain hunting strangers who like to snoop and swindle. The yard sale is sometimes a garage sale, and sometimes it is a rummage sale. Some towns organize one big event for everyone to participate in because they prefer the chaos to be concentrated and overwhelming.
I should probably be less enthusiastic about this, but I really enjoy a good yard sale. A lot. I’m not exactly sure why, though. Perhaps it stems from the lurid fascination of rummaging through strange people’s twenty year-old collection of dust-encrusted junk that no one on Earth would ever want to purchase outside of such an event. And while virtually everything in yard sales is total and absolute shit, I simply cannot get enough of it. Besides, I honestly don’t know where you could ever have the chance to purchase used dentures for 10 cents anywhere else but a yard sale.
Because of this rabid fascination of mine, I have decided to help any of you out there who may be interested in festooning your lawn with all of your worthless junk. So let us enjoy a brief excursion into the world of American yard selling tactics in an effort to make our future yard selling efforts − no matter how few they may be − all that much better.
Look kids, Vegas Vic! Whaddya know, it’s the Bellagio Fountains still! Again! So, we decided to sneer in an extended vacation episode, like any good sitcom in its second season.
Greetings. What you lucky fellows see before you is the first, best, and only bespoke Sneer Campaign cryptic crossword. It’s small, and near-perfectly formed, like a friendly armadillo.
For the uninitiated (which I will assume is most people – I’m told cryptics are a largely British preoccupation), here is a quick guide:
Cryptic crosswords are like regular crosswords, except generally more difficult, and definitely more insane-looking, to begin with at least. Unlike regular crosswords, the clues don’t give you a single word or phrase that you have to find an alternative meaning for. They give you a collection of words ordered in a seemingly baffling and incoherent way. Crucially though, one of the words (or phrases) in the clue is always still effectively a synonym for the answer. The rest is then some sort of wordplay that can lead you to the answer. Helpfully, you are not told which part is which. Tricks commonly found in cryptics include anagrams, acronyms, backwards words, letters being used as visual representations, hidden words, and other such skullduggery. For example, a clue to a four-letter word might read “bad rumblings conceal quality instrument,” to which the answer would be “drum.” Instrument is the synonym, conceals tells you something is probably hidden somewhere, and bad rumblings contains the word ‘drum’. See? Easy peasy when you know how. There are often themes within one crossword; sometimes they are helpful, sometimes they are not.
Print it out and enjoy!
It’s a well-known fact that it’s very difficult to train a cat. Some people say it’s because cats are too smart to be trained. Now I may not know why it’s so hard, but that definitely isn’t the reason. Cats aren’t smart animals. They might be sneaky enough to trick you into thinking they’re of a superior intelligence, but just because they can pee in my toilet and open my cabinets, I won’t be fooled. They’re stupid, they have nothing to do all day, and they can jump on top of anything. It is a perfect storm of potential for a cat-tastrophe.
Anyway, I’d often wondered if my thick-headed felines knew what their names are. Sure, sometimes they turn when I yell their name, but maybe they’re just turning at the yelling. Or maybe they know by the tone of my voice that they’re doing something wrong. Or maybe they just already knew they were doing something wrong, and reacted in a panic to the loudest noise. I’ll never actually figure it out, but I try sometimes.
Fred McFeely Rogers was born on March 20, 1928. He was the star of the smash hit children’s television program, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Mr. Rogers wasn’t a children’s show host, or a character designed to attract viewers. He was just his honest self: an angelic being sent to earth who didn’t like what he saw being offered on television and so decided to do something about it. He is a constant source of inspiration to anyone who has taken the time to watch his show or read his quotes. In fact, when I am deeply mired in the blues concerning the state of current events, I can watch one of his shows, or even just remind myself that Mr. Rogers ever existed, and I remember that there can be things in the world that are just purely good.
I encourage us all to be more like Mr. Rogers. Not more like he was in mannerism, but more like he was in essence. Celebrate him today (and at least once a week from here on out) by printing out the page below, and watching episodes wherever you can find them. It’s okay if you skip over the Land of Make Believe, though. That part really was for children to learn simple lessons. The rest of his show, though, still carries important truths for anyone at any age.
The Official Fan Club of Sneer Campaign is here: Sneer Society! Yes, the thing we mentioned as a pretend subscription service is now here as a for-real lifetime membership for our most devoted fans.
Whether you’ve been with us since our first post or you’ve just recently discovered us, we appreciate you! To everyone who has read our posts, printed our coloring pages, cut out our paper dolls, listened to our playlists, and more, we’re so glad that you took some time to give us a chance, and to appreciate us as much as we appreciate ourselves.
Now, here’s your chance to be a part of Sneer Culture.
I don’t remember the first time that I watched an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It’s pretty much all a blur of childhood excitement, waking up early Sunday mornings to watch, sometimes falling asleep halfway through anyway. Nowadays, I primarily watch MST3K with fellow writer Daniel Haun.
You have probably heard by now that there is a Kickstarter to bring back the show, and I’m doing my part to “Keep Circulating the URL” because Joel asked me to and he’s my favorite. Even if you don’t contribute to the Kickstarter, you should help spread the word if you love the show! As of writing this, it’s already surpassed the initial goal of $2 million, enough to make three episodes! Let’s get some more, though. 3 episodes is not ideal, so let’s make it to 12 episodes and $5.5 million.
Every little bit helps, but especially our support! I think we should all go out and show our favorite episodes to our friends. We should tell them why Joel or Mike is our favorite, and why they’re both great. We should run around in jumpsuits and riff on life! We should make the best of any situation, just like Joel trapped in space, watching some great bad movies with his best friends!
My most memorable episodes may not be the best ones (although they probably are), and I’d like to share them with you. Also, more specifically, these are my most memorable two episodes (okay, one is just a short) that also happen to be readily available on YouTube.
The saying “the best things in life are free” is barely true, but true nonetheless. I mean, come on. But there are indeed great things that are free, such as sunshine, stretching, cats, sneers, and freemium apps. There is also friendship. For me, one of the best things in life is Amandoll.
We have a lot of things in common, or possibly most things. Here are some things that are unique to Amandoll and also great: drawing talent, belly dancing, childhood ponies, eating healthy, exercise, ferrets, Cincinnati, buttermilk, and ME. She is the sprinkles on my donut, the sour cream on my taco. Amandoll is the scissors to my paper doll, and so I have made her one.