I don’t remember the first time that I watched an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It’s pretty much all a blur of childhood excitement, waking up early Sunday mornings to watch, sometimes falling asleep halfway through anyway. Nowadays, I primarily watch MST3K with fellow writer Daniel Haun.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 by Amanda Wood

You have probably heard by now that there is a Kickstarter to bring back the show, and I’m doing my part to “Keep Circulating the URL” because Joel asked me to and he’s my favorite. Even if you don’t contribute to the Kickstarter, you should help spread the word if you love the show! As of writing this, it’s already surpassed the initial goal of $2 million, enough to make three episodes! Let’s get some more, though. 3 episodes is not ideal, so let’s make it to 12 episodes and $5.5 million.

Every little bit helps, but especially our support! I think we should all go out and show our favorite episodes to our friends. We should tell them why Joel or Mike is our favorite, and why they’re both great. We should run around in jumpsuits and riff on life! We should make the best of any situation, just like Joel trapped in space, watching some great bad movies with his best friends!

My most memorable episodes may not be the best ones (although they probably are), and I’d like to share them with you. Also, more specifically, these are my most memorable two episodes (okay, one is just a short) that also happen to be readily available on YouTube.

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The saying “the best things in life are free” is barely true, but true nonetheless. I mean, come on. But there are indeed great things that are free, such as sunshine, stretching, cats, sneers, and freemium apps. There is also friendship. For me, one of the best things in life is Amandoll.

We have a lot of things in common, or possibly most things. Here are some things that are unique to Amandoll and also great: drawing talent, belly dancing, childhood ponies, eating healthy, exercise, ferrets, Cincinnati, buttermilk, and ME. She is the sprinkles on my donut, the sour cream on my taco. Amandoll is the scissors to my paper doll, and so I have made her one.

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We know you miss Broad City as much as we do and can’t wait for whenever it starts again, so we’re here to help.

Whether your favorite  part of this scene was Abbi’s remarkable Drew Barrymore impression, the blood leaking from her mouth, or Ilana’s weed delivery to their moving taxi, we hope this satisfies all your Broad City needs. Every single one of them.

Click to enlarge.

Broad City Coloring Page

Presented by Ringmasters Dollissa and Amandoll

Welcome!

The Sneer Carnival

Thrilling Rides:

House of Broken Mirrors and Dreams

Bouncy House of Cellulite and Shame

Mini Train Ride around Sneerland (Sassy Commentary included)

Swarm of Bees Ferris Wheel

 

Challenging Game Booths:

Chicken Ring Toss

Ball Throw & Daisy Bowl

Spin the Wheel of Insults

Test Your Inner Strength

 

Surprising Prizes:

Win a chicken! Press it to your mouth

Win a daisy! Press it to your mouth, too

Win a caricature! Hide it under your bed

 

Unique Performances:

Ventriloquist Demandoll with Dummy Canadian Chris

“No, YOU’re the dummy, and your dress is so 2001!”

Steven the Talking Horse

“I’m an anarchist.”

Smirk de Soleil: The Circus of Sneer

Sneer Clowns Leap, Tumble, and Swing Around the Big Top

We at Sneer Campaign take our promises seriously. We promised you fine journalism, enticing story-telling, adequate comics, fancy paper dolls, and a modest dollop of occasional egomania, among other things. Today, we are going to make good on some of these promises by giving you a dazzling paper doll of our very own superstar, Dollissa the doll-sized girl! For you see, it’s her birthday today, and we like to celebrate important holidays whenever they turn up on the calendar. And aside from my own birthday, I can’t think of a birthday more important than this one.

Take a look at this doll. You might not know her now, but let me tell you − this is a stunning work of pure accuracy. Our sneering writer owns several of these outfits. And yes, she has three cats that she enjoys lugging around when they let her. And what would Dollissa be without a book, a laptop, a tea, AND a coffee? Unrecognizable is what she’d be!

Go ahead and indulge yourself. Click on this image, print it out, and go to town. Cause Dollissa to have some silly adventures. Here are some favorite activities that you can have your Paper Dollissa do:

  • watch Seinfeld for several hours, then tell her friends about the episode plots she watched
  • play Pokémon cards against her friends; she has about a 50/50 win/loss rate
  • drink coffee, and then another coffee; make sure to have a few!
  • learn banjo for a few days every few years
  • log into IRC, then instead chat with Amandoll on Google Hangouts all day
  • put on the Haircut-cat neckscarf and pick up the other two cats; it never works!
  • sometimes she goes to work! do a little of that

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What’s that you say? You wish you had a brand new paper doll to play with? And you wish it would reflect your interests… Or, dare I say, your unhealthy obsessions? Am I talking to you or talking into the mirror? It doesn’t matter because I just wanted to let you know that we have once again cooked up an entertainment doll that the whole world didn’t realize it needed until it clicked into this post! That’s right. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. We have brought you a Secretariat Paper Doll!

Traditionally, these sorts of dolls are fun because you, the child, get to experience the joy of dressing up a human form in fancy clothes. But we are renegades on this site, not bound by convention. We see the world through the clear, almost unsettling lens of the iconoclast. Secretariat is a STAR and you will be pleased to dress him in the fine styles that we have provided. On the page that you will need to print out, you can find such dazzling items as a matching bridle and racing saddle set. The blue checkered hood and blinker bridle makes an appearance, and is there anything that screams “trendsetter” more than a whole-jockey accessory? Included, you will find glamorous flower fashion shawls by such designers as K.Y. Derby, Preakness, and Belmont. Secretariat wore them all. And he looked STUNNING.

There are also a few miscellaneous items for use when you are feeling a little silly. Secretariat was not all business all the time. He retired when he was only four years old after all, so he had decades of goofing off. The giant horse head sized novelty Groucho Glasses represent his fun-loving side. He was often seen wearing them when he had a few too many sugar lumps. Also included are his sideways cap, outrageous necklace chains, and totally funky fresh sneaker shoes: his preferred style while trotting the streets. Finally, you’ll no doubt recognize the glorious angel wings (which you are to cut up along those little white lines and sort of slide onto his back, theoretically. If that doesn’t work, just use chewing gum or something) from And Here Comes Secretariat. These should class up your shrine very nicely, as angelic beings typically bring a taste of High Quality to any event.

Click on the image to go to the real size and print it on out.

Secretariat Paper Doll Fun Zone

Bevers Giggle by Amanda Wood

Are you a little girl from the 1800s? Do you wish you were? Obviously you are a person of exquisite taste because you are here perusing this site! Luckily for you, we have our clingy, grasping little fingers on the pulse of what the world wants − NO! What the world NEEDS! We know that there is an endless thirst for modern-day paper dolls of extremely important characters from popular culture. First, we offer you Broad City’s other breakout star and favorite to all: Bevers, the aggravating, lovable boyfriend of Abbi’s mysterious roommate.

Click the image to have access to an outrageously large version that you can print out, cut out, dress to your liking, and pose around your own home with these Season 1 clothes and accessories! You can pretend to be Abbi and scream at Matty Bevers Doll for not respecting your clearly marked belongings. Leave him to be clad with only a throw pillow keeping him (hardly) decent, or put him in his towel outfit for that fresh Bevers feeling. Dress him in his nice lavender shirt outfit and pretend he is offering you an apology. Cut out the tiny flip-flops and leave them loose around your room. Tape the headset and game controller to him − we don’t care! Just have fun, and think of us while you do so.

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