The thing about podcasts is that I’ve never really wanted to listen to people just discussing things. I don’t watch talk shows, I can’t stand listening to people read, and I can listen to people speak for about 50 – 100 words maximum, depending on the topic. So it was hard for me to believe that I’d ever want to get into podcasts as A Thing.

huff

I tried a few. When friends started podcasts, I would dutifully listen to one or two episodes to show my support and see if I’d want to keep going. I couldn’t! It never felt quite right. Sorry, friends. And really, it’s only so much that I can listen to anyone talk about anything, unless it’s Amandoll, about everything.

 

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One thing is absolutely certain: we have an extremely long, and storied history. Earth has been around a really long time, and humans have been around for just a sliver of that time but so much has happened! Thankfully, God gave birth to historians, so every nook and cranny of historical happenings are being examined and researched and thoroughly covered in books and in papers.

world history

On TV, we can settle in for some learnin’ from the History Channel, NatGeo, the Smithsonian, and now even hulu and netflix offer some of these fascinating and well-edited glimpses of our shared past. Everything from why the key nations were catapulted into its second world war to individual battles of WWII, no stone is left unturned while investigating about five thousand years of recorded human history.

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Picture it: Miami, 1998. Four retired witches from four very different Hogwarts Houses find themselves living together. Witty, cunning, caring, and loyal, these lovely, mismatched witches form the perfect circle of friends. The vivacious housemates scheme and get into absurd hijinks like any coven of mature ladies during the primetime block of Sneer Network’s Thursday Night “TGITh.”

 

TGITh

 

Characters

Dorothy Zborgraf: A former professor at Hogwarts, Dorothy could have been head of Gryffindor except that her ever-forthright attitude came across as too blunt to certain thin-skinned wizards. The only divorcée, she remains level-headed and courageous during her search for a new husband.

Blanche Diggleaux: Coming from an old wealthy Slytherin family with vampire leanings,  Blanche owns the house and ruthlessly connives in order to get attention. Purity of heritage is a big deal to her and she is extremely sexually ambitious. But she is also a loyal friend.

Rose Lynott: A simple Hufflepuff from the fictional harbor town of Addle-next-to-the-Sea, Rose moved to Miami to start over after the death of her husband. She is slow and cheerful, a friend to all living things, much to the annoyance of the other witches, and is often a punching bag for their snarky comments. She seldom seems to notice.

Sophia Peasegoode: Dorothy’s acerbic mother immigrated from Sicily to England as a young girl. A natural Ravenclaw, she has always used her wits to get by, and has had several professions throughout her life. Sophia always has a snappy comeback and sarcastic remark for every occasion.

 

Until our alternate reality channel starts and gains this hit show, you can watch all of Golden Girls on Hulu starting next week! And for those of you who like coloring in poorly rendered versions of things because I didn’t make this as a coloring page at first – have this!

 

tizzytown

It’s that time of year again, the Dollissiest day of the calendar! Last year, the very first celebration on this site of this holy day was a thundering success. Paper Dollissas were THE most popular toy among children aged 4-104, and it is no surprise. Everyone loves paper dolls.

This year I decided to simply draw our little world in the style of Richard Scarry, who happens to have been born on a June 5th, himself, and also happens to be one of Dollissa’s favorite illustrators! For some reason, I was never exposed to Busytown very much at all, even though it has been around since the 1960s, but I can easily imagine the Sneer Planet through the Scarry Lens. In fact, after drawing this today, I can imagine the normal human earth world through the Scarry Lens. I am not entirely displeased.

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In my perfect dream world, legendary children’s show Sesame Street would be populated by old time movie stars parodying themselves outlandishly. I think I would have learned better lessons, and learned them better, if it had been this way. Are children supposed to identify with or look up to a fuzzy green monster with a bad attitude? Well maybe they do, but a magically re-animated Greta Garbo would have gotten the job done with so much more melodramatic class.

If I ever get a wish-granting monkey paw, this will be the reality of children’s television programming.

As always, click to see it in the full size. (You can see the other example of Greta in imaginary kids television in our Yo Garbo Garbo post.)

Garbo Street

Yo Gabba Gabba is a very good show for the very small child crowd, but it could be better. I am not at all suggesting that DJ Lance Rock is in any way deficient or lacking in wonderful personality. But imagine for a moment that a children’s show was designed to influence children to be haughty and urbane. What if instead of being taught to eat nutritious snacks and share with each other, they were taught to mix cocktails and silently arch their brows just so to convey snide judgment? Beatboxing and breakdancing are great, but are they as useful to know as how to seduce with a glance from across the room or how to melodramatically sigh before taking a deep drag from a ridiculously long cigarette holder that is perched in an impeccably manicured hand?

Decide for yourself. I know you’ll come to the correct conclusion. As always, click to make it larger. (You can see another example of Greta in an imaginary children’s television show on our Futility Street post.)

Yo Garbo Garbo! by Amanda Wood