We are not a religious bunch of people. We are barely even spiritual. I’d characterize us each as people who are interested in simply being good, maybe even beyond reproach. Maybe some of the Junior Sneerists just bump along, existing until inevitably dying and turning to dust. That is to say, this was all the case until we discovered some rubble that was once a temple. Within that rubble were complete sketches of how the temple once looked, and mostly-indecipherable texts describing the rituals and beliefs of the worshipers who once populated this place.
The temple may be a metaphor, but the religion is real: Sneerholicism
Our cats are tricksters, escape artists, bold, too smart or too stupid. This is not to say that our cats are different than other cats. They are all pretty much the same. They are less like pets and more like shiftless roommates, forever late on the rent and refusing to clean up after themselves. We provide illustrated guides to them, once monthly.
Reigning megastar of the universe, Beyoncé, Queen of the World, fluttered into the Sneer Art Studio today in order to be drawn in her natural form today. While effortlessly shifting from one pristine, awe-inspiring pose to another, she casually spoke a monologue stream of opinions about the state of the cosmos, her family, and most importantly: her image. It is our pleasure to announce to you that she resents being likened to a Queen Bee and that her fans are part of a “Bey Hive,” for really, as you can see, she is a long-legged owl who dances across the sky by night.
Beloved leather-crafted leading man, Daniel Craig, took time away from posing as a serious actor of note to sit for a portrait in his natural form today. The result of a love between his father, a catcher’s mitt, and his mother, a traditional sugar bowl belonging to a respectable dish set, Mr. Craig is Hollywood’s only leather dish heart throb. Soon, his bodyhead will be reattached to his tuxedo clad, unusually muscular human body in order to once more play the part of James Bond, a role he claimed to never want to portray again.
Steven Tyler, influential rock musician, took time out of his busy schedule so that he could be illustrated in his true form. Mr. Tyler was once a loose assortment of mop pieces and shreds of scarf, but he wound himself together into a stage presence that has become iconic. Throughout the years, fame and fortune have allowed him to continually add to his layers of fabric, but he has never seen the inside of a mop bucket. All of his dust and grime has been earned by his antics in one of the biggest musical acts in history. Possessed by the pure spirit of Rock n’ Roll, this mop man shows no sign of slowing down.
Anyone who knows anything about Marilyn Monroe is probably aware that she was insecure, tormented by fame, and battling addictions that were rooted in an unhappy childhood and an unhappy adulthood. A classic tale, was she, of the sorrows and stresses of the Hollywood Machine. If you didn’t know that, now you do. She probably had actual clinical depression, and mental illness is no laughing matter, but as I read through her various quotes the other day, I couldn’t help but notice that she said some pretty sad things! My heart went “boohoo” as I saw her pleas for help which I can only assume went ignored. She had to be the Blonde Bombshell when, had she been a pretty young thing any time after the 1980s, she could have been a goth-punk, a Suicide Girl, or a generic mall goth. Instead of quotes immortalized on imdb, her quotes could have been unseen on deadjournal, or carved into the skin of her own tummy and shown only to her myspace friends. Marilyn Monroe might have suffered so much because she felt out of place in every way, yearning for a subculture that didn’t exist, and then she was taken from the world far too young.
Angelina Jolie took a break from rescuing unfortunate children and defending the world from injustice today in order to have her portrait done in her true form. Clad in a casual embellished floor-length strapless gown, Ms. Jolie clearly felt at ease while sitting for us at Sneer Studio. Her skull horns curve gracefully and her lips billow in the supernatural breeze that surrounds her at all times. She has lately been busying herself with family life, feeding from the souls of the children she has clustered around her, and brandishing a fiery sword at former partner, Brad Pitt, while shrieking her banshee wail.
Steven Tyler, legendary rock musician, took time out of his busy schedule for us to illustrate him in his true form. Originally hailing from the mysterious seas around Fiji, Mr. Tyler one of the few, but not only, mummified remains of a monkey and fish sewn together who has made a success for himself in the business. Today, he is adorned in plentiful accessories and many, many fashion scarves which remind him of the fashion seaweed of his underwater home reef. Having been around since the 1840s, the famed frontman of Aerosmith claims to be interested in eventual retirement in order to return to the South Pacific and finally rest.
As we sat around the figurative sneer round table, counting all the reasons we are thankful, it dawned upon us that the source of many of our blessings is the one and only Dollissa, co-founder of this site. But who or what IS Dollissa? What function does she provide in our group dynamic? Quite simply, she is the living embodiment of charm, beauty, nature, human creativity, and charity. She is all three of the Graces of ancient mythology, and sometimes more than that!
What has she given us lately? Say, in the past twelve months?
- Liquid, life-saving nourishment that is easy to digest
- Inspiration to go on another day
- A whole house
- Tickets for traveling
- Cropped pictures of cat feet
- Charitable donations that benefit the world
- Billion dollar ideas
- Exposure to new music
- A gambling habit
- Sound financial advice
- Quality content
- Another year of the sneer campaign
- Free cat hair
- Polaroid camera
- Information on any episode of any tv show
- Real fly shoes
- Ten thousand laughs every week
- And a lot more but I’m running late
So thanks, Dollissa! Thanks a WHOLE BUNCH. Here’s a depiction of you in your true form as a gift. Thxu
Julia Roberts, widely-acclaimed actress, came to Sneer Studio to be illustrated in her true form. The jackal-faced god of death has been enjoying a more relaxed schedule in recent years, only starring in select films that she finds intriguing or otherwise worth her while. Dividing her time between California and the underworld, when Ms. Roberts isn’t being seen at events dressed in stunning fashions, she is leading souls to be judged fairly. Today, she has chosen to wear a simple yet stylish traditional wrap and sensible pumps.