First came the tentacle rape.

It was the beginning in a long line of horrors that OMGJeremy has subjected me to in his articles since the very beginning in 2002. (OMGJeremy.com was the site that most of us used to write for.) But you know what they say: what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. Well, I must be invincible by now. And not only have I seen a lot, but I’ve written about a lot too, articles that have been lost to time mostly, including a review of a site that teaches women how to rape their husbands. But in 2003, I found something that managed to combine all of those and more. It’s as if all my nightmares Go-Go-Power-Morphed into some unholy Megazord and returned to feed me my own ass.

“What is it?” you’re probably asking as you close the door and open a new browser window. Why It’s none other than Furcadia — an online game that let you take on the role of an animal and interact with others in a series of dream worlds. And not surprisingly in the least, it contains the three big staples of the internet diet: furries, cybersex, and MMORPGs.

furcadia

 

Continue reading

This is the most tedious game that you want to play. Most games try to disguise the fact that they are the same thing over and over and are largely based on chance. They try to disguise the fact that you earn points to level up so that you can earn more points. Or it at least takes longer for it to feel like a chore. Or to realize that you’re just playing a clicking game.

Pokemone Magikarp Jump

 

But not Pokémon Magikarp Jump! This one is barebones, totally obvious that it’s just a thing to pass the time. And it’s great. It’s finally Pokemon’s version of a clicking/tapping game and the mechanics are superbly mundane.

 

Continue reading

Welcome to my long overdue review of a movie called Dirty Girl! Welcome! Please feel welcome! I just sat down and thought to myself, “Hey what should I do next?” I have like a thousand things that I am behind on. Some things, heck, I am like two years behind on them. Where does the time go? As I perused my List of Burdens that are slowly sapping my will to live — and I look at this list somewhat frequently, and I lament. I lament at how I have all of these responsibilities to other people, or, I guess sometimes you can call them “promises” or maybe even “paid commissions” and I think about how when they are finished, I will be free at last to live my life and gosh that’ll be the day, and then I go and take a nap or something. But not anymore! Not today!

Dirty Girl.

I think it has been mentioned before that I am a terrible movie-watcher. The silliest things bug me and if I am bugged like twice in a film, I get more and more hateful about it all. By the end, if I sit through the whole thing, I have created a mountain of anger out of pretty much nothing at all and I will have a rant if anyone lets me. I am ridiculously hard to please when it comes to films, especially, and I want you to know that upfront, in case you have actually come to this review wanting an unbiased opinion. I am SO biased, so read everything from here on out imagining that I am a hate-filled shrew who can find no joy in any aspect of living.

time i cant get back

 

Continue reading

It is time for more of our Anime Review. Today, we look at more of Girls Und Panzer, an anime from 2012, which Wikipedia describes as a depiction of tank warfare between girl’s high schools. You can find part 1 of this review here and part 2 here.

I give Japan the benefit of the doubt when I assume the content creators there think of this stuff without the aid of highly illegal substances. I would assume that if all the mangaka were popping goofballs all day they’d eventually crank something out that wasn’t centered upon Japanese schoolgirls. After I finish with Girls und Panzer, I’ll move on to Strike Witches, in which schoolgirls from World War 2 take off their pants and fight aliens with little propellers on their legs. Google it if you don’t believe me.

So the action in episode 4 starts with an exhibition match against the British team. How do we know they’re British? Because they’re always drinking tea, of course.

Girls Und Panzer Anime Review

 

Continue reading

It is time for more of our Anime Review. Today, we look at more of Girls Und Panzer, an anime from 2012, which Wikipedia describes as a depiction of tank warfare between girl’s high schools. You can find part 1 of this review here.

Okay, so, our aircraft carrier school-city has five tanks, each with a crew. There’s Heroine’s tank, a Panzer IV, and her crew. Left to right, they appear to be: Perky, Sleepy, Heroine, More Perky, and Pretty.

Girls Und Panzer Screenshot

 

Continue reading

It is time for our very first Anime Review. Today, we look at the beginning of Girls Und Panzer, an anime from 2012, which Wikipedia describes as a depiction of tank warfare between girl’s high schools.

I am enjoying this series, but it is kind of nuts. How nuts, you ask? Their school is also a town. ON THE DECK OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER. LOOK AT THIS THING DWARF A COASTAL CITY:

Girls Und Panzer Anime Review

 

Continue reading