What’s that you say? You wish you had a brand new paper doll to play with? And you wish it would reflect your interests… Or, dare I say, your unhealthy obsessions? Am I talking to you or talking into the mirror? It doesn’t matter because I just wanted to let you know that we have once again cooked up an entertainment doll that the whole world didn’t realize it needed until it clicked into this post! That’s right. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. We have brought you a Secretariat Paper Doll!

Traditionally, these sorts of dolls are fun because you, the child, get to experience the joy of dressing up a human form in fancy clothes. But we are renegades on this site, not bound by convention. We see the world through the clear, almost unsettling lens of the iconoclast. Secretariat is a STAR and you will be pleased to dress him in the fine styles that we have provided. On the page that you will need to print out, you can find such dazzling items as a matching bridle and racing saddle set. The blue checkered hood and blinker bridle makes an appearance, and is there anything that screams “trendsetter” more than a whole-jockey accessory? Included, you will find glamorous flower fashion shawls by such designers as K.Y. Derby, Preakness, and Belmont. Secretariat wore them all. And he looked STUNNING.

There are also a few miscellaneous items for use when you are feeling a little silly. Secretariat was not all business all the time. He retired when he was only four years old after all, so he had decades of goofing off. The giant horse head sized novelty Groucho Glasses represent his fun-loving side. He was often seen wearing them when he had a few too many sugar lumps. Also included are his sideways cap, outrageous necklace chains, and totally funky fresh sneaker shoes: his preferred style while trotting the streets. Finally, you’ll no doubt recognize the glorious angel wings (which you are to cut up along those little white lines and sort of slide onto his back, theoretically. If that doesn’t work, just use chewing gum or something) from And Here Comes Secretariat. These should class up your shrine very nicely, as angelic beings typically bring a taste of High Quality to any event.

Click on the image to go to the real size and print it on out.

Secretariat Paper Doll Fun Zone

The exalted humanoid space creature, Benedict Cumberbatch, thrills us today by sitting for a portrait in his natural form. Showing off a super sexy twin-snake headdress made fashionable by the high priests on his home planet, Cumbrachia, the award-winning actor says he is excited for the imminent birthing of his hybrid spawn with new wife, Sophie Hunter, whose current condition is deemed unfit for public viewing.

Benedict Cumberbatch 1 by Amanda Wood

What I’m about to say is going to sound improbable, impossible, and/or downright insane. In fact, you and everyone reading will likely think that I am a liar, but I assure you: this is the truth. Robbie Williams, I did not know who you were until the year 2015 — that’s right! This very year we are in right now.

Strangely enough, I became aware of you while watching a documentary with my friend Alex (an English person), by Stephen Fry (also an English person) about Manic Depression. You were in a segment and Alex was surprised and delighted to see you. And I was like, “who is this guy? Why are they showing clips of him performing in front of tens of thousands of apparent fans?” Alex was incredulous, but we decided that maybe you were a piece of English Culture that didn’t catch on here.

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Bevers Giggle by Amanda Wood

Are you a little girl from the 1800s? Do you wish you were? Obviously you are a person of exquisite taste because you are here perusing this site! Luckily for you, we have our clingy, grasping little fingers on the pulse of what the world wants − NO! What the world NEEDS! We know that there is an endless thirst for modern-day paper dolls of extremely important characters from popular culture. First, we offer you Broad City’s other breakout star and favorite to all: Bevers, the aggravating, lovable boyfriend of Abbi’s mysterious roommate.

Click the image to have access to an outrageously large version that you can print out, cut out, dress to your liking, and pose around your own home with these Season 1 clothes and accessories! You can pretend to be Abbi and scream at Matty Bevers Doll for not respecting your clearly marked belongings. Leave him to be clad with only a throw pillow keeping him (hardly) decent, or put him in his towel outfit for that fresh Bevers feeling. Dress him in his nice lavender shirt outfit and pretend he is offering you an apology. Cut out the tiny flip-flops and leave them loose around your room. Tape the headset and game controller to him − we don’t care! Just have fun, and think of us while you do so.

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