As I grapple with all seven stages of grief at the same time, rapidly cycling, alone and in bizarre combinations, over the death of AOL Instant Messenger today, December 15th, 2017 — a very dark day, I figured that I should try to get a taste of “Reconstruction and Working Through” (stage six) by celebrating that I have had good times there. I am doing this by putting up a comic, by acknowledging International Tea Day, and by crafting unwieldy, ugly sentences. Please pardon me. I am GRIEVING.

boo hoo

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I recently had an article about the benefits of procrastination. Aside from being probably the best article I have ever crafted, it is filled with great notions. It’s seriously long, so I imagine lots of you couldn’t make it through the whole thing, with your post-Mtv buzzfeed listicle brains, so I will give you a little summary: I humorously described how to still be productive while feeling guilty that you weren’t producing what you meant to be at that exact moment.

it me

I still agree with that fully, but today there is a difference. When I had written that, I was still filled with the spirit of not-quite-efficiency. I had “up and at whatever” “can do some things” “go get ’em, someone, maybe, you tiger-shaped stuffed toy” spirit. Today, however, I am just a blob. This is not a depression. It’s just pure laziness. And I think that’s okay. I have believed the horrible things people think about laziness, too. But now, here, in the middle of a good powerful laze, I realize that I may have been being too hasty in my judgment.

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Time for another old real life on the internet conversation comic! This time it is starring that always-delightful Kevin friend of mine. Kevin “KayFlay” Flasch-in-the-Pan. He’s definitely the star here, as you see that I am caught swirling after him, helpless in the wake of his caprices — merely a supporting character. A target.

kayflay

Kevin is a very good friend of mine, and maybe some day he will write for us. In the meantime he can occasionally generate content in the forum of conversations with me where he basically mentally and emotionally abuses me because that is apparently a hobby of his. He is the sassiest person. This is what friendship looks like to me and is it any wonder that I don’t form close bonds with people??

You probably won’t need to click to see things bigger for this comic, but you can if you want to. I believe in providing you with options.

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We may not know a lot about cchris, but one of the things we DO know is that he has at some point consistently claimed that his birthday is August 3rd. Maybe this means something to those of you who are astrologically minded, but to us, it mostly means that it is the day that we talk to him about the ravages of aging. We don’t really know what he looks like, but at this point he probably has little crinkles at his eye corners. Is there greying in his hair? Does he have hair? He just might really be an ethereal wisp of snark and malice for all we know, but he is a surprisingly vain one. If he is a chatbot in real life, he was programmed to find the passage of time to be cruel. If every other thing about him is a lie, at the very least his displeasure at the idea of growing old and eventually dying seems to be authentic.

 

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horse show

Cchris seems to spend a lot of time reading archived newspapers on the internet. I do not know why because whenever I ask he either ignores the question or just signs off for prying into his personal life. Ours is a healthy dynamic. He tends to usually read from the 1980s, decade of his supposed youth, or the sleazy 1970s. For no apparent reason, on this day of our conversation, he had taken a newspaper trip all the way back to 1913 in Whitby, Ontario. I guess he read this part to me because he probably is aware that I like horses. Again, I don’t know for sure if that is why he read it to me because he doesn’t answer questions and I didn’t bother to carefully craft a sentence that could ease him into letting his guard down to accidentally reveal a precious clue to his thoughts.

But at least he was able to zing me by the end.

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Often I have considered attending graduate school. There are few degrees that I would be interested in, such as Library and Information Sciences, or Publishing. But what I would really, truly want to study for too many hours a day and several more years of my life probably isn’t offered anywhere.

Here are some things that I would go all-in for, along with an example thesis I might choose. I’d even do my homework. In fact, if these programs were offered somewhere, I’d probably go back to school for all four, then hide away in a tiny house in Amandoll’s yard using my degrees by muttering to myself and my cats and a cardboard cutout of Harry Solomon.

Scornell University by Amanda Wood

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Marilyn Monrotund

I’m sure no one here is a stranger to the popular internet image stream of Marilyn Monroe being depicted as a curvy ideal of Hollywood’s yesterdays. “Women used to have CURVES, Marilyn was a curvy curvy sex GODDESS, round and lush and built real like really real women are!” And it’s true. Marilyn Monroe did have curves! She was built that way. But if you really look at most of her pictures, she was actually really slender and healthy looking. I saw a picture of her measurements and she had a twenty three inch around waist! I saw this picture on the internet and it supported the beliefs I already held, so I didn’t bother verifying it, but clearly it must be true.

So, one day I was talking to Chris about this very interesting Marilyn Monroe information regarding how much she was a gentlelady of leisure and he went and Chrissed it all up. Then I Amandaed it up by turning it into a comic!

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Amandoll likes to make comics based on real conversations she has. She has kind of a backlog set up, so this is just one out of a hundred. Some day, you’ll grow to love all of the characters. Here, she and Chris interact and a new facet of their personalities is revealed. Their personality? Shared personality? Gross, probably.

Click to make it bigger!

Priss & Demanda #1