On December 11th, 1922, a huge black bat dropped out of the sky and left a smoldering crater upon impact. Emerging from the smoke was none other than Vampira, fully formed and ready to present herself to the public as a mistress of the dark, put on this earth to provide ghoulish puns and introductions to bad televised horror films in the 1950s.

Her fame might have been fleeting, according to this Wikipedia entry, but her legacy is eternal. She was an inspirational figure to anyone who has ever loved dangerously arched fake eyebrow lines and a waist that is so small that it defies logic and reason. Her waist, supposedly seventeen inches around, belongs in a Lovecraft story that loves to not-describe the indescribable geometries of things which are cursed. Her waist could bring on madness, and that is what happened to me after I saw a random simple picture of her today, which I will draw for your amusement so that I am not infringing on a photographer’s copyright. I am not exaggerating her angles in any way.

Vampira! How! Did you not have organs? Could you eat? Inside, were you simply a few scoops of sawdust and faux-Satanic prayers? Whatever the cause and whatever the circumstances, hearing that she had a seventeen inch waist caused me (in a fit of insanity) to measure the Captain, who, with his twenty-one inch barrel, would split her precious black garments if he tried to wear them. The Captain is bigger around than at least one adult human woman who has existed, and I told him that to his face. I measured him, and told him that while drowning out his meows requesting kibble. And there is the story of how I wound up drawing the dumbest thing I have drawn all year.

vampira

Our cats are tricksters, escape artists, bold, too smart or too stupid. This is not to say that our cats are different than other cats. They are all pretty much the same. They are less like pets and more like shiftless roommates, forever late on the rent and refusing to clean up after themselves. We provide illustrated guides to them, once monthly.

the captain

Our cats are tricksters, escape artists, bold, too smart or too stupid. This is not to say that our cats are different than other cats. They are all pretty much the same. They are less like pets and more like shiftless roommates, forever late on the rent and refusing to clean up after themselves. We provide illustrated guides to them, once monthly.

the captain

There are all kinds of cat breeds out there in the world. I pretty much have only ever known fat domestic tabbies and tortoiseshells, maybe the odd Maine Coon Cat here and there, but there are so many kinds! There may be as many as 73 different breeds, according to the internet. Mostly, the cat shape remains the same with variations in size or fur and eye colors. Some cats are strange with less ear or leg or absence of tail or fur. In fact, it is the hairless cat which, to me, is the strangest of all. (For the record, to me, the saddest of all is the Munchkin because I believe that cats should be able to jump anywhere they want, including places they are unwanted such as on top of a refrigerator or bookshelf).

But today, I’m looking at the Sphynx.

sphynx

Well, I’m not looking too closely. I’m uncomfortably averting my eyes!

 

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Here at Sneer Campaign we obviously love cats. They are featured many places, but mostly in our hearts. We have 3 each, because we are insane. We like them a lot! Love them. Mostly.

catpain

To introduce Cat Lady Week, we are starting with our furriest of friends. Our nicest companions. Our bff 4ever.

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While we’re both on wordly vacations having a blast, we’d like to let you in on our dream joint vacation.

Dollissa at Sea by Amanda Wood

First of all, we would travel by sea. Amandoll does not fly, and neither Amandoll nor Dollissa can drive. Since we want to see the world together, that involves mostly ships, and maybe a horse or two.

To start, this involves Amandoll arriving in Newark, NJ from Cincinnati. This can be accomplished by a slow train ride of 18 hours or so. Once she is retrieved from Newark Penn Station by a friend with a car, or Dollissa on foot (it is, after all, only 15 minutes walk), we will rest for several days, punctuated by small meals of wraps with thai spicy mustard.

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