Reigning megastar of the universe, Beyoncé, Queen of the World, fluttered into the Sneer Art Studio today in order to be drawn in her natural form today.  While effortlessly shifting from one pristine, awe-inspiring pose to another, she casually spoke a monologue stream of opinions about the state of the cosmos, her family, and most importantly: her image. It is our pleasure to announce to you that she resents being likened to a Queen Bee and that her fans are part of a “Bey Hive,” for really, as you can see, she is a long-legged owl who dances across the sky by night.

beyowlce

Beloved leather-crafted leading man, Daniel Craig, took time away from posing as a serious actor of note to sit for a portrait in his natural form today. The result of a love between his father, a catcher’s mitt, and his mother, a traditional sugar bowl belonging to a respectable dish set, Mr. Craig is Hollywood’s only leather dish heart throb. Soon, his bodyhead will be reattached to his tuxedo clad, unusually muscular human body in order to once more play the part of James Bond, a role he claimed to never want to portray again.

daniel craig

Steven Tyler, influential rock musician, took time out of his busy schedule so that he could be illustrated in his true form. Mr. Tyler was once a loose assortment of mop pieces and shreds of scarf, but he wound himself together into a stage presence that has become iconic. Throughout the years, fame and fortune have allowed him to continually add to his layers of fabric, but he has never seen the inside of a mop bucket. All of his dust and grime has been earned by his antics in one of the biggest musical acts in history. Possessed by the pure spirit of Rock n’ Roll, this mop man shows no sign of slowing down.

 

rock n doll

Angelina Jolie took a break from rescuing unfortunate children and defending the world from injustice today in order to have her portrait done in her true form. Clad in a casual embellished floor-length strapless gown, Ms. Jolie clearly felt at ease while sitting for us at Sneer Studio. Her skull horns curve gracefully and her lips billow in the supernatural breeze that surrounds her at all times. She has lately been busying herself with family life, feeding from the souls of the children she has clustered around her, and brandishing a fiery sword at former partner, Brad Pitt, while shrieking her banshee wail.

Angelina Jolie

Steven Tyler, legendary rock musician, took time out of his busy schedule for us to illustrate him in his true form. Originally hailing from the mysterious seas around Fiji, Mr. Tyler one of the few, but not only, mummified remains of a monkey and fish sewn together who has made a success for himself in the business. Today, he is adorned in plentiful accessories and many, many fashion scarves which remind him of the fashion seaweed of his underwater home reef. Having been around since the 1840s, the famed frontman of Aerosmith claims to be interested in eventual retirement in order to return to the South Pacific and finally rest.

thank amanda wood

 

Julia Roberts, widely-acclaimed actress, came to Sneer Studio to be illustrated in her true form. The jackal-faced god of death has been enjoying a more relaxed schedule in recent years, only starring in select films that she finds intriguing or otherwise worth her while. Dividing her time between California and the underworld, when Ms. Roberts isn’t being seen at events dressed in stunning fashions, she is leading souls to be judged fairly. Today, she has chosen to wear a simple yet stylish traditional wrap and sensible pumps.

by amandoll

As we sat peacefully in our Sneer Studio on this sunny late October afternoon, a terrible thing happened. The ground began to shake and a writhing, wriggling column shot up through the floor, causing many thousands of dollars in damage, both to the HQ and to our delicate psyches. The peak of the living mass formed a mouth and bleached hair, and after carefully placing some coolguy sunglasses, raspily whispered, “immortalize me” with a voice of a thousand cicadas rattling at once. Science is more horrifying than any horror fiction, boys and girls, and it is a known fact that for each and every human being on this planet, there are 40 tons of insects. Except for the celebrity, Guy Fieri, who IS 40 tons of insects along with some incredibly unhealthy foods (which are themselves comprised mostly of insect parts).

True Life Portrait: Guy Fieri by Amanda Wood

 

Beloved alien leading man, Benedict Cumberbatch, took time away from posing as a human celebrity to sit for a portrait in his natural form today. Outfitted from head to toe in the sensible attire of his peaceful home planet, Ithor, Mr. Cumberbatch is about to earn accolades from his upcoming theatrical release, Dr. Strange, which is set to be released on November 4, 2016. It promises to be successful.

benedict cumerbatch

Steve Buscemi, celebrated actor with something of a cult following, joined us here in Sneer Studios to have his portrait drawn today while in his true form. He is not the only Asthma-Hound Chihuahua to have made a success in Hollywood, as his distant cousin, Ren Hoëk starred in a popular cartoon show during the 1990s. Born of a small litter of four pups in Brooklyn, New York, Mr. Buscemi’s illustrious career spans many decades and he shows no sign of wishing to retire any time soon.

steve buscemi

T.J. Miller, an actor of modest fame, joined us here in Sneer Studios to have his portrait drawn from a small vivarium atop a posing stool. It may surprise some readers to learn that he is not a human actor who stands at just over six feet tall. What you occasionally see acting in films and movies is a shell of a man controlled by his true form, which operates from the inside: a four inch long arthropod whose real surname is Millerpede. He is not known to be toxic, but he does skitter around at an unsettling speed.

TJ Millerpede