Wacky Products That We Should Have

In the age-old debate about things vs. experiences, we happen to take no sides because it makes no sense. But aren’t things great? Without things like laptops or newspaper comics, we wouldn’t have ever met. Without things like celebrity magazines and coloring books, we might not have a website.

And the things that we’ve acquired since! Oh man, we have Jewelbots, so that we can alert each other to every minute detail of our day and of our internet behavior. We have a house so we can garden, fill rooms with calendars, never stop drinking coffee, and make sock puppets of each other.

Our lives would improve immeasurably with any of these products. Feel free to buy any or all of them and send them straight to Sneer House.

get us this clock

 

Largest Kit Cat Clock

$4000

We have the perfect place for it, right in our room of clocks and calendars. That room is on the third floor where Judy the Ghost lives, and where we can sit and read a book, or stare for hours at the pendulous tail on the unnecessarily large cat clock crammed into our smallest room. Hopefully the ticking doesn’t echo through the house, leaving anxious and angry Sneerists in its wake.

 

Tandem Bicycle

$280

‘Sup Santa! I’ve never been so good at riding a bike, so this is obviously the next step. Amandoll can even ride in front if she wants. It’s bee-colored for our pleasure and we can bike up and down the street, pretty much lookin’ like we’re out of a Pee-Wee Herman movie. Living in a cartoon or a cartoon-esque fantasy is, of course, The Dream.

 

Antique Grain Grinding Machine

????

Okay hear me out – [Editor’s note: We are not going to hear Dollissa out on this one. Please read on instead.]

it can fit in a kitchen

 

Another House

$25,000-120,000

Hey, why not? So many are around the corner from Sneer House HQ. And dear reader, you could live there! Maybe. If we like you enough. And if you promise not to come by too often. In any case, somebody could certainly live there, such as our Junior Sneerists or anyone we boot out of the main house, or HQ. Plus, cats are pretty territorial and if we end up with any more of them they’re probably going to kill each other and also us.

 

Prize Claw Machine

$1,345

We’ll obviously fill it with Sneer merchandise: rolled up t-shirts and scarves, travel mugs, and maybe buttons. There aren’t a lot of Sneer products that you can currently just pick up with a claw machine’s claw. As soon as we make them, though, we’d of course stock the machine with hotly desired and frequently requested Amandoll and Dollissa toys and Art Deco Cat plushes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *