While we’re both on wordly vacations having a blast, we’d like to let you in on our dream joint vacation.

First of all, we would travel by sea. Amandoll does not fly, and neither Amandoll nor Dollissa can drive. Since we want to see the world together, that involves mostly ships, and maybe a horse or two.

To start, this involves Amandoll arriving in Newark, NJ from Cincinnati. This can be accomplished by a slow train ride of 18 hours or so. Once she is retrieved from Newark Penn Station by a friend with a car, or Dollissa on foot (it is, after all, only 15 minutes walk), we will rest for several days, punctuated by small meals of wraps with thai spicy mustard.

Then, we will make our way to New York City via train. If all goes well, this trip should take 20 minutes. If it is raining, snowing, hot, cold, or windy, this trip can take up to 3 hours. Here, our journey will truly begin. On the waters of New York City, we will take our first step around the world by ship.

It takes at least 7 days of voyage by sea to cross the Atlantic Ocean.

 

New York to United Kingdom

Somehow, the cost of a cruise transatlantic isn’t much more than the cost of a ride on a freighter ship, so I suppose we would ride in semi-luxury. Luxuries of cruises include: 24-hour mealtimes, turn-down service, comfy beds, no windows into the nightmarish sea, and sometimes even a library. A spa too, if we’re feeling reckless with the money we don’t have.

This 7-day journey would probably consist much of eating, sleeping, and working on The Beekeepers comic book. In between gin cocktails, bowling, gambling, and pretending we might eventually swim in a pool, we will finally get our infamous ideas onto comic-sized computer documents. We will also play board games, chat with crew, pretend to smoke cigars, and swear a lot.

Probably a few times we will stand tall atop the ship’s deck, let the wind blow through our hair, and marvel at life’s sheer meaninglessness, even relative to the rest of the universe.

 

United Kingdom to Australia

Next, we would board a ship in Tilbury, England to voyage to Australia. This journey will take longer, up to 40 days. I should note that these cargo ships generally only hold about 10 passengers. This is not quite cruise-style for this leg of the journey. We might also have to wait, as the ship only seems to leave once a year for that destination, in nice breezy October.

There is another option for this leg of the journey: an elaborate and confusing trip across Europe and Asia via the Trans-Siberian Railroad, followed by a cargo ship ride from Asia to Australia. That sounds like a lot of planning though, and a lot of moving around, setting up new rooms, unpacking and repacking, and general annoyance. This does not seem to be the preferred method for the sneer crew.

We open our long-term old timey trunks for this leg. Here is where we have stored all our elaborate gowns and strange swimwear. These we will adorn ourselves with and saunter dramatically around the ship with a faraway look in our eyes. Our one-piece 1920s style swimsuits will be used individually, in private. Ain’t nobody got time for public embarrassment.

 

We have also stored some simple games and entertainments, such as pickup sticks, jacks, vintage playing cards, and dozens of paper dolls. Instead of our usual life of constant internet, we will pass the time with trinkets and interesting thoughts.

We will go day by day, slowly marking each off on a dramatic chalkboard (brought for this purpose). As time wears on, we will stay in bed longer, stare out into the sea less. We will talk less, to others and each other, resorting to grunts and exasperated gestures. We will eat close to nothing, tired of the sea fare offered to us in the mess. We will lose our minds.

 

Homeward Bound

Our cats will fill our thoughts. All 6 of them. Is Tuff Ghost eating every day? Has Zesta found any wild rodents? Is Olive still licking her arm bald from stress? Is Cricket happy that no cats are jumping from around the corner to scare her? Is Haircut living in a garbage can, her life goal? Is The Captain rolling around on the porch, waiting for a bellyrub?

For that matter, are we okay? I will have long ago already suffered withdrawal from my drug of choice: well, you know. Ideally our mutual drug of choice, coffee, will be available anywhere. I mean who isn’t addicted to caffeine and how would they even run a ship without coffee?

Amandoll will surely live without her goetta, but can you really call that living?

At some point we will arrive home, broken.