The world is full of extremely interesting things. There are so many hobbies, activities, pursuits. Many of them are great ways to make new friends. All of them are great ways to pass the time. You can broadly enjoy a thing, keep a casual tone about it all. Or you can take it way too seriously and stress out all those around you whenever you launch into an impassioned speech on this spectacular interest you hold dear. No matter what it is, you can define yourself by it, and the whole world improves a little bit — or so it might seem to you.

However, it is often the case that when you start delving a little deeper, you will find that there is an area guarded by serious enthusiasts, big fanatics of the thing. There will be a metaphorical gate that they mill around, it is invisible to you until they start screeching at you about it. “Keep away from this gate,” they will bellow. “No trespassing!”

At first you will make the logical observation that they sure are spending a lot of time focusing on keeping people from enjoying something, time that could be spent on their own enjoyment of the topic. They won’t care. They will act so high and mighty that you’ll feel disgusted and might even be turned off from the subject itself — as if it’s its fault. But it’s not its fault! Every single possible interest has these killjoys swarming around it like its a finite resource and that a joy shared is not a joy amplified. Sharing joy becomes joy being stolen from their panicked greedy little hands, and they can’t let that happen. You’re a beginner so you don’t deserve to have joy, I guess they also think.

Anyway, that’s what “gatekeeping” is, as if you needed to have it explained to you. Badly.

From ventriloquism to rescuing horses bound for slaughter, from local architectural history to Labubus, from reviewing snes games to the aesthetics of interior decorating, from acts of buffoonery to enjoying tea, there will always be people claiming that they’re right and you’re so wrong that you should just turn around and leave quietly. Even if you follow my guide, they will never be satisfied, so:

Step 1: Understand That You Can Never Please Some People

IMO identify them as soon as you can and pass them a little eye roll. Then go about your process of getting into this hobby. Shove them aside and get up to your elbows in this new pastime! If you choose to try to succeed in their challenges three and they then throw a fourth one at you, give them your best betteface and sneer out an old “nice try, pal, but it looks like you can exit the gate thataway.” Your new friends will cheer and put you atop their shoulders.

An unspoken truth is that real enthusiasts don’t even like gatekeepers. They’re just way beyond them and can ignore. In fact, that’s a good Step 2.

Step 2: Find A Real Enthusiast

These are the people who love to share, see nothing wrong with newcomers, and won’t shut up about whatever kind of lore they have to disinterested people. Therefore if you are interested, well let’s just say that you’re about to find out how interested you actually are. Maybe this is a form of gatekeeping, too, but the metaphor here is that these are the people who are trying to slam the gate shut behind you so that you can never leave.

Step 3: Be Humble, etc

Just go into the thing admitting your novice status. Announce your willingness to learn. Fly fast and free with well-placed, sincere flattery. Be so sincerely into this thing, it can’t fail. Relish your new world of like-minded friends. Again, remember that the gatekeepers of Step 1 will never accept you, so don’t bother trying to please them. Treat them as the outsiders they pretty much are. Petty, insecure things.

An Interlude

But what if your fan favorite topic is not exactly gatekept, but is instead so unpopular that only a few people like it. Any products for you to collect aren’t exactly right, because you definitely do not belong there. It isn’t that they are keeping anyone out, it’s that when you step into the clubhouse dedicated to it, they turn to you and honestly wonder if you’re lost.

This is what happens to me nine times out of ten when I seek to collect about my #1 Interest: human teeth.

I am not a dentist or a dental hygienist. Oral surgery is not my profession. In fact, I can’t stand to look at diseased teeth, exposed roots, dental maladies, or even simple charts regarding floss behavior. I just like teeth as decor. Tooth as lifestyle choice. I want to drink from a tooth mug and eat from a set of tooth plates. I want a plush tooth to squeeze. I would like some tooth pattern clothing and shoes. And I would like these things WITHOUT a lot of dentistry puns.

When AlexT and I went to the dental museum in Bainbridge, OH, (the first dental school in the United States, established in the early 1800s and containing many rooms of so many old time dentistry tools that you will experience light-headedness multiple times), the volunteer behind the counter asked if we were dentists. When I answered, “no, we just like teeth,” she looked uncomfortable about it.

Did she have an impulse to gatekeep? Did she want to keep tooth-fans away from an undiluted and pristine subject? Or was she just a normal human being who reacted honestly to such an unexpected collection of words? Really, I’m sure she was just there to help preserve dental history, and I am sorry that we confronted her with the reality that there exist tooth enjoyers.

Step 4: If You’re Still Outside The Gate, Make Your OWN Culture Surrounding It

Go ahead, become even more niche in your interest. Make your dumb tumblr. Tiktok about it. Create a ninth Instagram account specifically about this that you’ll never lose steam on! Make your entire identity about this thing because the main group is too snooty. Keep your own gates about it, do whatever you want. Sling that merch because it is your hobby, profession, life, and possibly death if you’re pushed too far!

That’s what I’m going to do whether these dentists have a gatekeeping impulse or not! I am going to break down that wall even if it is only there accidentally! I will not rest until the items I want to buy are available to me, even if I have to make them myself!!

I’m not stopping here, so be sure to like my redbubble, or follow or whatever. It’s the StandarAmandar one, because I feel like a love of teeth is a Deeply Covingtonian thing. And only a little because I can’t remember how to get into Sneer 1 Imports for now.