We at the Sneer Campaign love our ABCs. It is going to become an actual lucrative endeavor, but also we have clearly loved it for years already. Every so often, we will give you treats of rhymed words so that you can learn, or re-learn, your English Alphabet, and usually also learn a little more besides.

Today’s installment is from Saxon, a new parent as recently mentioned here on this site. Following the alphabet poem, you will find a little comic of the things said between us, after the manuscript was delivered. A bonus treat all for you!

is for Abortion
A thing that people do
When creating a baby
Is not the thing for you

is for the Butthole
the source of many woes
producing more excretions
as little baby grows

is for the Clothing
which lasts about two weeks
as babies gain proportion
in shoulders and buttcheeks

is friendly Doggo
a friend for little bub
but don’t forget to feed him
lest he munch on baby chub

is for Electric
A bill for which you’ll get
From always running heating
As babies can’t stay warm yet

is for the F word
or Fuck without the beep
You say it pretty often
When you’ve just a little sleep

is for Grandparents
Who tell you what to do
then get to do the fun stuff
and leave the poop to you

is for you Hating
Your baby now and then
When the vomit you have just cleaned
Comes out of them again

Is for my Interest
In any other stuff
Which has been placed on hold
‘Til he is big enough

is for the Jim-Jams
Pyjamas AKA
They wear perpetually
Because it’s easier that way

is for please Kill me
I’ve had one hour sleep
I’m unable to make a rhyme or
structure this one properly because of sle
ep deprivation

is for Last night
was getting pretty bad
I have slept for a few hours
Now I feel a bit less sad

is for Motherhood
means bailing halfway through
the poem you said you’d write
‘cos you’ve got too much to do

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And here is our little chitty chat, chatted just hours ago, and drawn oh so rapidly after I drew these.