There’s nothing really very good about concerts; they sound just like the recorded version. Just kidding, they sound great! It’s really cool to be able to see a band that you love performing live. The energy is amazing, a crowd of people who love music – the same music, and the delightfully frustrating merch table. But, there are too many bad things about them that they’re almost not worth it. They’re not worth it. They’re never worth it. They’re never, ever worth it.

On top of being too short, there are too many people, it smells like stale beer, that stale beer costs too much, you’ll probably have to endure a weird opening act, and good luck having a forgettable time in the bathroom.

 

Here are some things that I actually think during concerts that I swear I enjoy:

 

“Dammit why can’t I at least sit down for this?”

“They’ve already played 7 songs. How many more could they possibly play?”

“Pleasestop. Pleasestop. Pleasestop. Pleasestop.”

“If they play an encore I will kill myself right here.”

“I’m going to die here. I’m going to die right here watching this fucking show.”

“Another song? This is how they torture prisoners, right?”

“No no no no don’t switch instruments again.”

“Why do these people keep LIGHTLY TOUCHING ME GOD.”

“They’ve already played 9 songs. Another one would be impossible, outrageous, right?”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING”

 

In spite of all of this, I go to dozens of music festivals and other concerts every single year, and probably always will.