America is the best, isn’t it? There’s some weird stuff going on nowadays, but pretty much always actually. Sorry, marginalized people, we are working on it! But meanwhile, America is still great.
Are you from here but have trouble showing your pride? Are you from elsewhere and needs tips about how to show love? I’ve created this guide that everyone obviously needed, just in time for Independence Day.
Dress the Part
To look like an American you should dress the way that we all do if we truly love our country. Wear red, white, and blue at all times. Invest in a lot of different options so you can still dress for the occasion and all week. Ladies, make sure to have that LRWBD (Little Red, White, and Blue Dress), perfect for almost any night out.
Good Honest Americans consume a lot. Consume consume consume. Buy a lot of things. Buy things you can’t afford. Buy things with a lot of packaging. Throw the packaging right into the garbage. Use the thing you bought for a week or two. Eat a lot too. Eat more than you need to. Buy a lot more food than you’ll eat, to do both at once. Throw out the extra food. God Bless Us!
At every opportunity, start to shout USA USA USA. It’s appropriate very often, so do it liberally. It’ll become second nature to you, and you will spread patriotism wherever you go! If people join in the chant, it is bound to last more than three instances of USA. Wonderful!
Learn the Anthem
The Star-Spangled Banner isn’t even very long! You are also welcome to learn one of the following instead: Take Me Out to the Ballgame, America the Beautiful, or Born in the USA. This Land is Your Land also works, but be careful who you sing it around.
Everything you do should be For America. And anything that you do is As An American. Make sure that everyone knows, whether you’re climbing a mountain or pumping gas. AMERICA!