I Stared Into The Face of Zuckerberg

Is physiognomy real, or is Mark Zuckerberg making himself look like a plastic freak on purpose?

A regular image of Mark Zuckerberg staring directly into the camera. There is a sense of the uncanny valley here.
Totally normal.

Roald Dahl explained physiognomy to the laity in his children’s book “The Twits”:

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

You don’t have to be a physiognomist or even a layman to see how this could apply to Zuckerberg: If a person has the thoughts of a plastic freak, it begins to show in the face, forehead, hairstyle, surfing stance, wardrobe, etc.

But let us not be seduced so easily by the physiognomist. Mark Zuckerberg, being a freak, will tend naturally towards doing freaky things. The compulsion is so strong that he’ll even do freaky things to his own self. Did you think the Rohingya Genocide was as freaky as he could go?

If you want to understand the relationship between the mind and appearance of Mark Zuckerberg, don’t read “The Twits”. Read, instead, the Plot section of the Wikipedia article for the 1988 horror movie “PIN: A Plastic Nightmare”. It’s the summary of the story of a rich kid who wants to become a plastic man… at any cost! I won’t spoil too much, since it’s a great movie, so you’ll have to read the Plot section of the Wikipedia article yourself. In the interest of avoiding spoilers, just agree with me that Zuckerberg’s trying to become a plastic man on purpose like the guy from “PIN”.

Screen capture from a movie called PIN: A Plastic Nightmare. This seems to show a fully plastic model of a man.

And folks, he’s almost there. He’s halfway to being the plastic man. He knows we hate it, but he gets off on putting his appalling death mask in Meta’s marketing. He wants to force everyone into The Metaverse with him so that he can freak us all out in person. If some kids wander onto his NFT lawn, he wants them to look up and see a still figure sitting in the attic window. “Is that really old man Zuckerberg? Do you think he can see us? Did he really… you know…”

At time I’m writing this (November, 2022), Meta’s market cap is down to 1/3 of what it was last year. Zuckerberg’s goal of becoming a plastic freak makes perfect sense to his plastic freak brain, but not to the soft brains of fleshy investors. Investors want to see alpha, not Zeta the cartoon synthoid. The only way to save Meta is to turn Zuckerberg back into a real boy*.

At first I thought if he would just grow his hair out, this would be enough. But then I realized that he is evidently already resisting growing out his human hair, which must be disgusting to him. All we can have is this example I have drawn but want everyone to see so it is in this post.

The same picture of Mark Zuckerberg from before, but crudely edited to have sandy brown curly hair.
Make him have a friendly hairdo instead of his offputting hairdon’t.

The quickest, most practical way to accomplish a real-boy transformation would be to slap on prosthetic facial hair. It’ll be easy to convince Zuckerberg to do this. “This mustache is synthetic! Just how you like it! See? Wow! It looks great on you! You’re so much more plastic than before. This is transhumanism!”

Plastic is one selling point, but the styling also has to flatter Zuckerberg.

The same picture of Mark Zuckerberg from before, but crudely edited to have a thick mustache like Einstein.
“Your genius inspired this Einstein x Neitzsche collabo.”
The same picture of Mark Zuckerberg from before, with a simple edit so that he has the soul patch facial hair, right under is bottom lip.
“The fact that you have a soul is what makes this patch work so well.”
The same picture of Mark Zuckerberg from before, crudely edited to have a pencil mustache. Very John Waters.
“The pencil mustache turns your face into a book. It’s so Meta.”
The same picture of Mark Zuckerberg from before, crudely edited to make him bald, with thicker darker eyebrows, big mutton chops, and one of those mustaches that go down each side of the mouth -- like Hulk Hogan made famous.
“This one was designed by your own A.I. It’s the ultimate look… and it’s… I’m literally about to cry. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

*Please never show any of this to Mark Zuckerberg because I don’t want Meta to succeed*

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