Haha of COURSE I’m not talking about Spirituality, calm down.
Whether you are experiencing the luxurious kind of alone that comes with living in your own apartment or house, away from others, or experiencing what I would consider a nightmare of living in cramped quarters with family crowding all around you, you are probably, possibly at some point, going to want to escape a feeling of cabin fever. Feeling cooped up is as inescapable as my unwieldy, meandering sentences. It’s gonna getcha! However, I am a real life shut in, an expert in the field of living outside of society. Professor of Isolation Studies. As ever, I am here to lovingly guide you during times of stress, depression, and/or desperation. Desperession.
As we have instructed you before, you can easily sync quality programming all the live long day. But what about those of us who can only stand to watch maybe twenty minutes of TV or movie at a time? What of us who like other kinds of adventure, only if it’s from the comforts of our own home? You just need a little shove in the right direction! And as usual I am ready to shove you so hard.
You have probably seen lists of museums that offer virtual tours being shared around on your social media. That’s the right idea! Although, the best museum’s virtual tour is often left out — I am here for you. As it happens, Cchris and I exist on an immaterial plane, and all of our shenanigans are weird and don’t involve being in a physical world. We are forced to be intangible, where we are just a hissing stream of text that seems to ebb and flow, but never ends. This is usually enough to entertain us, but sometimes we like to do different things. Who would have ever thought that this would ever be a relevant learning lesson to the rest of the world?
Egyptian Walking Tours
A form of video syncing, going to this channel and commenting on this strange service can be fun! This youtube angel simply walks around. You can pretend to be passively sitting on his shoulders, like he is a silent steed.
We have explored the Museum of Cairo, Cairo’s market streets, and also the grounds outside of the Pyramids. Yes, we have clocked in something like five hours, commenting on everything we notice, from the many stray cats to the many, many leather jackets. Somehow, what should be unbelievable tedium works more like an ambient youtube for your eyes. It’s relaxing. The man has gone other places in the world: Italy mostly, but also North and South America and so on. He has apparently walked many thousands of miles. Good for him!
Archived Weird Tales Magazines
This is another form of syncing, this time short spooky fiction from the 1930s and 1940s! It is actually possible to read at the same time, occasionally commenting when something outrageous happens. Fortunately, in these kinds of stories, something outrageous enough to comment on happens every few paragraphs.
Try to get a group of buddies together who read at the same speed. Or I guess… I guess you could do like a group audio or video chat and read aloud to each other like you’re in a classroom? One girl’s living nightmare might be another person’s answer to loneliness though, so if you want to do that, leave me out of it! I won’t judge, but I WILL thank you in advance.
Real Time Titanic Sinking
Everything is syncing! Especially the Titanic! Ah hyuck. This can knock out a few hours for you. Ideally, just leave it on in the background while you chat normally, as though you are a wealthy person unconcerned by the disaster unfolding around you. It can be a metaphor for other Trying Times that may or may not be happening to us, in our lifetimes. Who can say! Occasionally, you will have to comment on something loud happening. It’s a fun game, but also relaxing but also anxiety-inducing.
ENA Games on Kongregate
Sure, you could play modern games with the technology of today, speaking directly to friends and strangers alike, but some of you might find that too intense. So, find a god awful game on Kongregate that has always deserved its own article but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. What am I, made of time?? (Turns out I’m not.) This game company, ENA, seems to generate about four games per day, they seem to always be extremely surreal point and click escape rooms (?), and are almost always deeply flawed in some way. Or at least this was the case about four years ago.
The fun comes as you and your friend or friends get immediately exasperated and become dramatically angry at broken things. If you are like me, within four minutes you start asking for pointers and hints from your companion and coast along, wondering why you agree to do these things at all, every single time.
Duck and Bunny! DUCK AND BUNNY
On google maps, you can see inside of some businesses! You get a lot of the excitement and thrill that is highly specific to this moment: silently looking at and never touching anything inside of an empty business. I can’t tell you how many times I was made to go inside of a little Providence, Rhode Island, snuggery called the Duck & Bunny. The original, extremely quaint building is offline now, because they have moved locations temporarily, and cchris is CRUSHED. But what you can do for funsies, like us, is to look at the daily menu and select what you would be ordering if you were physically there and had all that rich money you apparently would need for eating cupcakes there. You can look at all of their information online and imagine what it would be like to go to one of their “old school hip hop nights.” It scratches the stalker itch we all have, but for businesses! So that’s okay! It’s OKAY.
Yes, I told you we know how to have a good time!
Street View Rambling
To begin: You go to a location on google maps and go to the Street View, as I have done for the image in the last section. There is an option to directly link to where you are by url, so get to using that! In this fun internet outing, you just go along the street view and remark on businesses and blurry faced people that you see. Cchris and I have had memorable outings to Scranton, PA, and Newport, KY, but you can explore places far more exotic, or your actual neighborhood, or where you grew up! Or you can even just play a game! Always, there is a game.
You can meet on a dead end street overlooking a city and wonder what really makes reality. Is it only physical experiences or do any experiences count, if we want them to? Are we some sort of ghosts in those moments frozen in time, on the day that a street view was recorded? Are memories real and is every moment in time an infinite point? Are we still there, if we were ever there at all? If we ever go there irl, will we be dazzled by an infinite loop of thought? I am sure glad google street view gave me some sort of episode of insanity lasting the rest of my life!
If none of this does it for you, just go to Habbo Hotel.