We are full of Moods, we human beings. Astronomical and astrological bodies up in the heavens influence us in a myriad of ways throughout our days and throughout our entire lives. As long as there is a sky, we will be puppets dancing as each planet pulls our strings. As long as there is a Sun and a Moon, we will be periodically melting down, overwhelmed by treacherous lows and dizzying highs, all which take place only inside of our minds.
We have mapped out the calendar events of a day to allow you to prepare for the hours and the phases of your mood. Knowledge is power, and you can do what you need to do to survive.
the Squinting Hours
midnight – 2AM
As you lie awake in your bed or on the floor in a room lit only by the flickering screen of the television set or mobile phone, your mind rolls over all of the bad things that could be true. Your brain howls at the possible betrayal from anyone you might know, living and dead. Did you catch someone looking at you? What might they have been thinking? It couldn’t have been anything good.
the Clinging Hours
2AM-4AM
Sleeping is difficult or impossible. You will find yourself instinctively clutching your pillow or possibly even your own arms as you realize just how lonely you are, even if you are sharing a bed with another. Those closest to you in your life couldn’t possibly love you. You will have to learn to depend on only yourself, a self-sustaining island. But until you work up the energy to be brave, you can sob face down until the hours pass.
the Hours of Quiet Joy
4AM-6AM
The birds are beginning to sing and you have come to the conclusion that you are going to be okay. Everything happens for a reason and everything works out for the best. You are strong and smart and there are people stupider than you are who are doing just fine! Take a breath and smile. Soften your heart.
the Glorious Hours
6AM-8AM
Jump out of bed! Go get ’em, tiger! You won’t just be fine, you’re going to experience RESOUNDING SUCCESS! You are up early and you have enough time to begin dozens of plans that are instantly appearing in your mind, more or less fully formed. No time to write them down completely! Just start them! Go go go!
the Full Glower Power Hours
8AM-10AM
How can things take so much time! Why is everything taking so much effort! Why isn’t it already finished and why aren’t you a millionaire! Did you see the attention someone else got?? That should have been YOU! The world isn’t fair! The world isn’t ready for your genius! You hate the world anyway so they deserve to not have your genius readily available! Break something. Break a few things!
the Whatever Hours
10AM-noon
Rage dissipated, now exhausted, you must sit quietly for a while. You can sort of reflect upon what you have just done, but you don’t really have the interest. It’s in the past. The things you have broken are only things. They can be replaced. It doesn’t really matter what you do or don’t do, apparently. Once again, it will be okay. It doesn’t make a difference to you anymore.
the Luncheon Hours
noon-2PM
No time for introspection now! You forgot to eat breakfast! And dinner yesterday! Lunch! You have to eat lunch now! And make it big because lunch is the most important meal of the day! Examine your pantry and start fixing three or four lunches at the same time. Experiment with a few different cuisines. Snack as you cook. Eat until you want to die. Go on, it’s easy.
the Hideous Hours
2PM-4PM
Having at this point just eaten several meals worth of food, you will be bloated and miserable, sweaty and breathing heavily. You will find yourself being disgusted by your own reflection in the mirror, and of the idea of your existence. Your lack of self-discipline and -restraint is the most upsetting moment of your entire life, so far today. Such a huge disappointment. What good even are you?
the Weeping Hours
4PM-6PM
Go ahead and just cry. It’s been building up. There is no place for the sadness to go other than from out of your tear ducts and wailing larynx. Gather up your sorrows and list them one by one, out loud if possible. Crying won’t solve anything, but we all know that finishing up a useless cry feels better than holding back a cry that is inevitable.
the Empty Hours
6PM-8PM
Another bout of exhaustion sweeps over you. This is the closest to emotionless that you can ever get. It is slightly a relief, but mostly it is nothing. The time is best used by looking out of the window, preferably into the darkness. The world turns without your input. The Sun doesn’t know you exist. Other people are busy with their own lives. What’s it to you? What are you to them? It isn’t worth thinking about.
the Shaking Hours
8PM-10PM
You are freezing, but it doesn’t have to be cold. The coldness is inside of you. The things you’ve been thinking and the things you have or haven’t done… why? What an existential nightmare. What can be done? What if you can’t figure it out! Grapple with these thoughts and become paralyzed with dread.
the Howling Hours
10PM-midnight
The day draws to a close and you break free from your paralysis with an unearthly shriek that accurately reflects your dismay. The coldness intensifies and fastens its grip on your heart. The night is long and dark – the literal night outside as well as the night of your soul. Can you possibly sleep with this weight crushing you? Another day has finished and your crippling emotional roller coaster promises to continue zipping along the next day, forever.
Plan accordingly!