One House, Two House, Red House, Blue House

Today is the fifth anniversary of achieving the Sneer Headquarters of our dreams. Five years of Paradise! Five years of splendor!

No matter how hard we tried last year, we couldn’t close on the second house on the same exact day, but September 7th will remain as THE day to celebrate a physical location. They are the same location, anyway. Side by side, best friends since before we were born — like us!

I have made a rhyme that is not based on a famous existing text and is certainly not in the style of anyone like Dr Seuss. Please enjoy to the fullest extent of the law!

By Sneer Campaign:

One house two house red house blue house.

With seussical illustrations of our HQ Compound.

Here is the text, with notes, for any of you who cannot see the slide show above, or who hunger for more information. I cannot trust technology to keep that slideshow going, not even for a minute.

Our Paradise
is near not far;
great splendor is everywhar.

*Here we see the Seussified version of Amandoll, and hopefully it will never be drawn again.

One house, two house, red house, blue house.
Fall house, rest house, spring house, guest house.
This one has a little tree.
This one has a buzzing bee.
Say! what a lot of space to be!

*We are introduced to the houses which stand side by side. They are similar, but different. Their purposes are multilayered. There are gardens and at least one tree (which is a maple). The passage hints that there is much room to relax in, to do whatever you want!

Yes. Bricks are redder.
And boards are bluer.
One is older. And one is newer.
Some rooms are drab.
And some are sad.
But some are very, very rad.
Why so drab and sad yet rad?
No one knows except Amandoll’s dad.

*The theme of different yet the same continues, but now there is more information. It would seem that still to this day there are rooms within the houses (although unclear which ones) which could stand some sprucing up. Maybe a room is empty, maybe a basement floods and has centipedes. Other rooms have decorations of which we are mighty proud. The mention of Amandoll’s dad is there because he is a handyman by nature, a person we can rely on to understand houses and house repair.

The yards are big. And they are wide.
So wide that we go outside.
From there to here, from here to there,
three plots worth of land to share!

*By having two houses right next to each other, we were able to take down the fence separating them. We have big big plans for these outdoor spaces, and eagerly walk the grounds and imagine what we will do. The illustration mentions the garage, the pollinator gardens, and that we have buried our deceased cats in carefully selected places. Very sad, yet very sweet.

We grow things that we like to eat.
We grow things that smell so sweet.
Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot of pretty butterflies!

*This passage merely reinforces the fact that we enjoy our gardens.

Stray cats too come to the door.
Sometimes six cats, sometimes more.
Where do they come from? I can’t say.
But we will organize a big, big spay.

*This passage references, and perhaps exaggerates dramatically, the amount of stray cats who happen to us. Every sneer cat has been a stray, and as of the time of this post, five of them (past and present included) have actually been from the streets of Covington. They have appeared right in our yard. See if you can recognize our cats in the conga line of strays! Also, we are passionate about spaying and neutering cats because it is a Real Problem.

The yards are great. Both front and back.
The houses too. There is no lack.
Both are tall. And full of bats.
Not one is better than the other.
Ask us why — not Dollissa’s mother…

*There are a few truth-stretchers in this final stanza. It is true that there is no lack in these tall houses, however, only one of them is full of bats. Also, originally Dollissa’s beautiful and kind mother was the only person we knew who didn’t want us to expand our empire to include a compound that is not home to a cult of any sort. She has since come around to liking it, but for a long time, she had only cons to list. So that little fact is accurate, but in the past. What is time, anyway?

The frightening seussified Amandoll says The End.

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