Pro Tips for Resort Trips

Dollissa at Sea by Amanda Wood

Traveling around is the Dream. Or at least, it is the Dream of some people. Personally, I can either take it or leave it, but I am frequently traveling all the same, whether I want to be or not. I do know from experience that knowing these things that I’m sharing with you today can make the difference between a bad trip and an okay trip, or even a good trip and a great trip. These excellent tips apply to cruises and resorts, probably some other places. They are amassed over time from strange journeys, and many are direct from my mother, a real pro.

Find the Best Bartender

Or all of them! Staff is super nice, and whether they have to be or not is up to you to wonder about and decide if that matters. Being nice back is great! Learn people’s names, because they’re people, and then you’ll see them around more than you’d think!  Maybe they’ll hook you up with tastier (stronger) drinks or recommendations, or maybe you’ll end up singing Drake songs at karaoke with them, while other guests watch.

It’s easy to get to know them when they insist on checking your ID several times at each bar, the last time to show all the other bartenders what it says vs. how you look. They never really stop trying to learn your “real” age, but at least they stop checking before taking your order, eventually.


Get All the Points

For real, you can get free stuff! It’s terrible and pointless, just bulky enough to hoard for a few years before discarding. Beer cozies, t-shirts, mugs, etc. It’s all there for you to earn, by attending and participating in various events. Those events range from trivia about dog breeds at a bar to visiting the gift shop on a certain night to try liquors. They weren’t all booze related! Just the ones I remember. Wakka wakka!

They also hand out gifts and prizes at various times, kind of willy-nilly. On one of our last trips, my mom won a handbag at a poker night, won another souvenir at poolside trivia, and received a bottle of wine because it was her birthday. She is the pro, indeed.

glug glug


Find the Arcade

Sometimes, if there are sections designed for kids, they’ll still be open at night when kids aren’t around. It’s pretty fun. You might find a spooky arcade full of bright, loud games that you vaguely remember playing once. I imagine, if you are the sort, it would be a good place to do drugs and then play those games. You could also do drugs in public restrooms because who’s going to stop you? Who would even care?

Empty arcades provide a unique ambiance that is fine in a sober state of mind, too. It’s a combination of thrilling and soothing, which is my favorite kind of mood. Sometimes it feels a little too eerie but it’s all part of the experience that’s worth having, right?


The Most Empty Place

Does the resort have a faraway buffet that’s closed at night? Does the cruise have a movie theater playing Godzilla to nobody at 11pm? Odds are this is a great hangout spot. You can wander in and out, enjoy the solitude. These places are full of people during the day, and very often ghost towns at night, especially as time passes.

On one trip, I was delighted to find a completely silent and empty library. I spent many hours there around 3-6am nightly, sometimes reading my own book, sometimes writing, occasionally reading the titles of the weird nonsense they had stocked for people to read.


Make Your Own Tapas

For almost all meals that you eat, you can get as much food as you want, and choose as many things as you want. Should you? Well, probably not. So let’s go with variety, like tapas. It’s the best possible way to eat a meal anyway, so that you can try as much food as possible without gorging.



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