Shaquille O’Neal: A Mighty Big Man

The Shaq Man is a complicated character in our current culture. Much of what is thought about him is untrue, and there is a lot that is not commonly known that is fascinating. In about one hundred and fifty years, it is guaranteed that he will be seen as a folk legend, a gentleman known for being preposterously large and gentle. First known as a sportsman, Mr. O’Neal has recently retired and is pursuing his destiny in other fields. Here are some facts (Shaqts), speculations, and mild exaggerations to help you get to know Newark, New Jersey’s tallest star.

Illustration titled "truth" of Shaq smiling and holding an african elephant in his right hand, and a bluue whale in his left hand.
  • Born on March 6, 1972, he is a Pisces.
  • Shaquille has many nicknames: Shaq, The Diesel, Shaq Fu, The Big Daddy, Shaq Fin Soup, Superman, The Big Agave, The Big Cactus, King Guppy, The Big Shaqtus, The Big Galactus, Captain Clobber, Wilt Chamberneezy, Mr Altitude with an Attitude, The Big Baryshnikov, The Real Deal, The Big Shamrock, The Big Leprechaun, Blub Shaq, Shaqovic, and The Big Conductor.
  • His feet are so large that his shoes are cobbled and donated to impoverished widows so that they have shelter. They are known as Shaq Shacks.
  • He is 7’1″ and 325lbs; he is the highest point in the state of New Jersey.
  • There was not a public pool large enough to accommodate him, so he scooped out the Newark Bay to be used as his personal swimming hole on hot summer days.
  • When he takes an evening stroll, he is compelled by law to wear a hat complete with a blinking red light so that planes do not crash into him.
  • He is so tall that if he stands on a chair (while in the United States), he is visible from anywhere in North America.
  • He measures forty-two axe handles wide across the forehead and is strong enough to pull bends out of curvy roads.
  • He is also a rap artist. He has released four hit albums, including Shaq Diesel, which went platinum.
  • Kazaam was a documentary.
This drawing called "reality" is of Shaq in his strange Kazaam outfit, so like a stereotypical genie. His head is thrown back in laughter as he sits, cross-armed and cross-legged on top of the entire Earth in outer space.

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