This Here Article: Haikus ’bout Futurama; Headline Haiku, Too

Perhaps you can say about me that I’ve been trying to get writing for a long time but the only things I’ve ever realistically found the motivation to do is win haiku contests and know pretty much everything about Futurama. I wrote this because I have no other talents, although saying “other” may lend too much weight to this particular skill.



“Space Pilot 3000”

Delivery boy
tricked by cute space alien
(we don’t know that yet)

Meets sassy robot
Great (x 30) grandnephew
(we don’t know that yet)


“The Series Has Landed”

“We’re whalers on the moon, we
carry a harpoon”

Bender builds his own
theme park with blackjack, hookers
Bender forgets park


“I, Roommate”

Fry lives with Bender,
goes cray. “Hey sexy mama,
wanna kill humans?”


“Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Cue: Zapp Brannigan
Was meant to be Phil Hartman
*sheds a single tear*

Leela finds Nibbler
His poops: basically magic
Kif sighs audibly

“Kif, I have made it
with a woman. Inform the
men.” And: “Cham-pag-en?”


“Fear of a Bot Planet”

Chapek 9 values
Lug nuts, death to all humans
Also they – SILENCE!!

The robots get their
Lug nuts and Robanukah
Is saved! Yay – SILENCE!!!


“A Fishful of Dollars”

New billionaire Fry
Learns that compound interest
Is a good, good thing

Mom wants the lil’ fish
Zoidberg wants the little fish
Mom: none; Zoidberg: one


“My Three Suns”

Fry drinks emperor
And now he is emperor
But undrinkable

Emperor alive!
Inside Fry! He escapes and
Beats Fry with a chair


“A Big Piece of Garbage”

Armageddon but
Instead of asteroid, trash.
Scuba fish appears!


“Hell Is Other Robots”

Bender goes to hell
The guy who is Homer plays
A sassy devil

Beastie Boys are cool
And so are all of the drugs
That is the lesson


“A Flight to Remember”

This one’s ‘Titanic’
They sure did a lot of spoof
Eps in season one

Bender is sad ’cause
He lost his one true lover
Also his loot’s fake

Kif and Amy, he
Holds her in that one shot joke
After: are soulmates


“Mars University”

The robot frat house
begs Bender to teach them “cool”
Many pranks ensue

Fry enrolls in school
Roommate: Günter, smart monkey
They don’t get along

A raft regatta
Goes awry, Günter saves all
Reduced smarts; happy!


“When Aliens Attack”

Robbed of their fave show,
Omicronians invade
Earth for Fry’s mistake

Zapp bungles attack
Planet Express acts out show
Lrr is appeased, leaves


“Fry and the Slurm Factory”

Fry wins a contest
And goes to Slurm Factory
As title suggests

Heavy addiction
Makes Slurm’s origins okay
Bye, Slurms McKenzie

Sneer Back

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