If you’re like me, you think that time spent in the bathroom could be used for some other things. Multitasking is essential in 2017 and if you aren’t doing something while you piss no matter how few seconds it takes, it’s wasted time.

June is Bathroom Reading Month, so clear off that shelf of toilet paper and toss it under the sink. Dust if off and turn it into your Bathroom Bookshelf or your “Poop Library,” if you’re feeling elegant. Show up to your social events with new and interesting things to say, all because you drink the right amount of water or ate too much fruit.

 

Joke Books

This one is a classic. You can probably still find plenty of books in the “humor”section of a bookstore (or the internet) that says right in the title that it is intended for the bathroom. This way you can learn some new, family-friendly jokes to repeat at the workplace. Actually, maybe just put the joke book in your work bathroom! Recommend genres include knock knock jokes, Garfield books, or Encyclopedias of Jewish Humor.

 

Magazines

Mostly I don’t know what opportunity I would have to ever read a magazine otherwise. Life is too full of things to do, and other things to read. So we put our magazines in the bathroom to not read them for a few weeks, then we throw them out. It’s an efficient cycle. If you actually do read the magazines, you can check out some short-form journalism or local event lists, I guess.

 

Trivia Books

Want to be a know-it-all? Who doesn’t! Luckily for us all, there are many, many books specifically for bathroom use that contain small dollops of interesting facts that you can eventually wow your friends with — as long as they aren’t friends who have used your bathroom. These can come in the form of short anecdotes, lists of facts, and other ways, probably. Pick up a general knowledge edition and some on topics special to you so that you can begin the path of becoming an expert.

 

Comics

It doesn’t have to all be education. Throw in some comic books on your shelf and mindlessly giggle yourself off of the toilet seat, like some kind of classy person. Who cares if someone hears you? Reading comics doesn’t really give you anything to brag about ordinarily, but I believe in you. You can find a way.

 

Quote Books

Everyone loves quotes! They are informative and often inspirational. Lots of people have said a lot of things that can provoke your thoughts while you sit upon your porcelain throne. Go into a book store and discover that there are sections of quote books that can be arranged by topic. Be edgy and select one about free-thinking. Be Amandoll’s dad and gather such books on the topic of War and Military Tactics. Anything! Then, later, pull those quotes out in conversation at every opportunity.

 

Language Book

Learn Spanish while you pee! Really though, you know you’ve always wanted to learn it, or German, Valley Girl, or Klingon. Just toss that language book onto a bathroom shelf and learn a word each time you pee. Save the verb conjugations for more disgusting bathroom events, as they’re definitely a little harder and will take longer to learn. A great thing about this is that the repetition of you seeing these words you’re learning a few times a day will hopefully cram them right into your brain.

 

Moby Dick

Especially if you’re constipated, you’ll get through it. If you’re prone to stomach viruses, it’s also a good time for this book, or other dense classics, such as Heart of Darkness or Anna Karenina.